(A Cautionary Tale)
You haven’t met us yet, but you think we are a perfect fit. Yes, you viewed our profile several times along with our public and private pictures. You read about our playstyle preferences. You read our likes and dislikes, you read our description of ourselves and you read what we are looking for as a couple in the lifestyle.
We responded to your initial email with enthusiasm and told you how sexy you look in your pictures. We told you how we have so many things in common: we enjoy wineries, breweries, sushi, concerts and hiking. Just like you. We’ve been married almost two decades and have teenagers at home. Just like you. We are fairly new to the lifestyle, are a bit nervous, but are excited to explore. Yes, just like you.
When the four of us started a group message we were always responsive. One of us was a bit hesitant at first but eventually we were all flirting. We told you how we get excited when your messages arrive. We started sending you sexy pictures, for your eyes only. When you did the same we escalated by telling you what we’d like to do to you when we finally get together.
You started to think this was easy. You got a bit overconfident and developed some expectations. We set a date. We said, “no expectations.” We were the perfect couple for you.
Then, we met for dinner.
You noticed we didn’t look exactly like our pictures. You shrugged it off. You noticed one of us was more talkative than the other. Not a big deal. One of us talked for the other when you asked sexy questions. Just a little shy, you thought. After all, you know us, right?
We suggested drinks at a hotel and you accepted (remember those expectations?). After a couple of drinks we suggested coming up to our room. One of you started to feel funny, the other pressed forward when there was no objection. Once in the room, one of us went completely silent while the other pressed forward. “May I kiss you?” Yes, your partner did just ask that question. Things moved forward quickly and you panicked a bit but then… you remembered. You know us. That’s what you thought.
The clothes came off and we each became who we really are. You know the rest of the story. The selfish and somewhat aggressive behavior on one side of the bed. The passive compliance and silence on the other side of the bed. The deep breathing and moans of ecstasy of one couple bumping up against two still bodies trapped in a place where time seemed to stand still. The awkwardness as you gathered your belongings and quickly dressed. The silence as you walked to the car, and eventually a tear or two on the ride home.
No matter how well you think you know us, the truth emerges when we pull back the sheets. Now you know who we really are.
We hear this story over and over but it doesn’t have to be your story. By 1) avoiding expectations, 2) recognizing those first (often faint) red flags and 3) communicating frequently as a couple your story is a very different story.
Go make a different story!