Breaking Down Jealousy and Insecurity

Being in the most secure relationship in the history of the world, I was taken by surprise after being personally ambushed by jealousy early in our lifestyle journey.  I recall being confused and feeling as if I was being consumed by this heavy dark cloud and not knowing what was happening or how to process my thoughts.  I noticed my behavior changed and felt as if I was living in two opposing realities: one where I existed happily with the most amazing lover, partner, friend, and beautiful wife one could ever hope for (and had for 29 years), and the other where something deep in my core was telling me all of that was at risk.  All because I wanted to try this stupid lifestyle thing.

We received an email from a listener today expressing similar thoughts and feelings and it all came rushing back.  They explained they each worried about the other developing feelings for a play partner after an intimate interaction.  This seems to be an issue most couples think of or even worry about at some point while considering stepping into this strange, bizarre yet somehow seemingly natural lifestyle.  Some come through unscathed and, well, then there’s the rest of us!

Okay so let’s break this down.  If you’re feeling insecure what you’re saying is this: my attractive, sexy, loving, adoring partner of over “x” number of years (who loves me very much) plays with another man/woman who is also in a healthy and committed relationship, who, being attracted to each other and just out to have some sexy fun, all of a sudden realizes that they’ve been with the wrong person all this time, falls head-over-heels for your partner, effectively abandoning a solid relationship because damn…..he/she was good in bed.
Then (stay with me here)- your partner- now realizing this person now wants him/her instead of their own- decides they want to leave said sexy, loving, adoring partner of “x” number of years (this is you)- who until just now loved you very deeply- to spend the rest of their days with the other man/woman after having sex together.  Once.

So we have these two worlds, the one you KNOW is real and the one that FEELS so real and is so scary.  Now what?  Well, you can run away and hide and never mention the lifestyle again, or you can realize you have a bit of insecurity deep down in there somewhere and take this opportunity to rid yourself of it, grow to become a more complete “you” once and for all.  But if you choose to run, won’t those insecurities still be down in there somewhere, just waiting to resurface at some point down the road?

For some reason most people in relationships have a fear of  losing their partner (we won’t get into why this is, let’s leave that for the professionals).  Now think about this.  Mrs. Jones and I have been in the lifestyle for three years now.  We’ve played with (more) than our share of couples (and a single-guy or two).  Every single time we finish playing, Mrs Jones picks up her clothes, grabs the (much lighter) swinger bag, takes my hand, gets in the car, and comes home with me.  Every.  Single.  Time.

So my insecurities?  Gone.  She proves to me over and over I’m the guy for her.  The trick? Well, we had to take the step.  Take the risk.  Dip the toe.  Jump in the deep end.  However you want to slice it, and there’s no way around it, you’ve gotta experience it to truly get past it.  But once you do?  It’s gone.  For good.

Well then… care to join us?

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