We are all guilty of creating false narratives and making up those stories in our heads as we consider approaching another couple in the lifestyle. Sometimes we don’t even give the other couple a chance because we are certain we know the ending of the story! We convince ourselves that they are out of our league, or they won’t find us attractive, or they will probably just reject us.
We talk with our friends Andi and Dave from the lifestyle dating site Double Date Nation about how we can all recognize when we begin telling our own story and how to intervene to help create the true story!
Mr. Jones 0:01
This podcast contains explicit language and content and is for mature audiences only.
Mrs. Jones 0:06
Hey you teenagers out there, if you’re under 18 this show is more for your parents. So now that you have that mental picture stuck in your head, put some music on and get back to doing your homework.
Mr. Jones 0:17
We’re a longtime married couple who’s decided to chronicle our personal adventures and share our sex positive discussions as we navigate our way through the swinging lifestyle.
Mrs. Jones 0:27
Care to join us? [Music]
Mr. Jones 0:46
Hello, everyone. I’m Mr. Jones.
Mrs. Jones 0:48
And I’m Mrs. Jones, and we want to welcome you to Episode 72 of the We Gotta Thing podcast.
Mr. Jones 0:53
Happy Valentine’s Day weekend.
Mrs. Jones 0:55
I know. It’s a – it’s Saturday. So it’s the day after Valentine’s Day that we’re recording.
Mr. Jones 1:00
Yeah. Well, like you like to say every day is Valentine’s Day in the Jones house.
Mrs. Jones 1:06
That’s so true. I say that and I mean it. I get to live with my valentine every single day.
Mr. Jones 1:12
I know. You gave me a couple of nice compliments yesterday.
Mrs. Jones 1:17
Oh, sometimes they slip out. What did I say?
Mr. Jones 1:20
Well, one of your love languages is acts of service. So I finally learned after all these years what that means.
Mrs. Jones 1:29 Okay.
Mr. Jones 1:30
So… When I get up at 4:30 in the morning, and I come downstairs to feed the darn dog, I notice that your Keurig is empty of water and I fill the reservoir for you.
Mrs. Jones 1:43
You do and I’ve actually noticed that. I mean, it’s just like a little magic water reservoir. It’s always full.
Mr. Jones 1:49
I should get extra credit because I never even tell you that I do it. I just do it.
Mrs. Jones 1:53
I know, and you don’t use that Keurig.
Mr. Jones 1:56 No, it’s all yours.
Mrs. Jones 1:57
Yeah, you have one downstairs that you use – or actually, you’ve become Mr. Nespresso. I’m sorry.
Mr. Jones 2:02
Totally a selfless act on my part.
Mrs. Jones 2:04
it is and I really appreciate it.
Mr. Jones 2:07
Yeah, there’s one other thing that I’ve been doing for you too.
Mrs. Jones 2:11
Somehow I don’t think I’m gonna like this one.
Mr. Jones 2:14
What I don’t understand is I have to put the toilet paper on the roll for you when the roll is empty. You just take a new roll and stick it on top, like sideways on top of the roll.
Mrs. Jones 2:25
No, there was a reason I was doing that.
Mr. Jones 2:27
Now you always do that.
Mrs. Jones 2:28
No, no, it’s only in our bathroom that I do that. Every other bathroom. I replace the role right away. But in our bathroom, one of the …
Mr. Jones 2:36 I fixed it.
Mrs. Jones 2:37
I know. And because you have to add – if the – the toilet paper holder was loose from the wall, and Mr. Jones doesn’t really use that bathroom very often so he never really noticed it.
Mr. Jones 2:49
I’m not supposed to. It’s yours.
Mrs. Jones 2:50
I know. It’s my throne. Yes. So anyway, it it was annoying to replace a toilet paper on that because it would always like almost fall off the wall. So you fixed it for me.
Mrs. Jones 3:02 I know.
Mr. Jones 3:04
It’s the little things. But…
Mrs. Jones 3:05
Again, you really don’t use that bathroom. Just like the Keurig.
Mr. Jones 3:08
I spent a lot of money on you on Valentine’s Day too.
Mrs. Jones 3:11
Well, yes, we went to Costco. And we hadn’t been for a really long time. So we were out of everything.
Mr. Jones 3:19
Who knew you could get $450 worth of stuff in one shopping cart?
Mrs. Jones 3:24
Produce and meat are expensive. Yeah. But I mean, we came home and divided up all the meat and froze it and yeah, that’s gonna last for a long time.
Mr. Jones 3:33
Yeah. It’s been a sexy weekend so far. It was. It was foreplay because we did come home and have sex last night.
Mrs. Jones 3:41
Oh my gosh, like I came downstairs this morning. We came downstairs and, and fooled around in our guest room down here. Came down this morning. And I looked around and I’m like, what’s that laying on the floor in the guest room. It was my vibrator. It was just like randomly thrown in the middle of the floor.
Mr. Jones 4:02
I didn’t. You told me what you wanted me to do, which required me to remove your vibrator and throw it on the… I didn’t have to throw it on the floor but I wanted it out of the way.
Mrs. Jones 4:11
It’s one of those vibrators – It’s not a We Vibe, but it’s one of the vibrators that’s like insertable. And then it has remote control. So we were playing around with that. And then I have one from Mr. Jones as well.
It’s like a cock ring that vibrates and has remote control. So we were goofing around with those. And supposedly, I said…
Mr. Jones 4:27
Not supposedly. You said I want you inside of me and this thing was inside of you. So I popped it out and threw it on the floor. [Laughter]
Mrs. Jones 4:36
That’s disgusting. It was laying on the carpet. That’s gross.
Mr. Jones 4:39
We wash him. So anyway, we got a couple of other things coming up. Before we get into tonight’s podcast we – our next event. We’re going to talk about our Austin event in just a minute.
Mrs. Jones 4:51
My gosh, it was so much fun.
Mr. Jones 4:53
We’re still on a bit of a high from that. We have Podcast-a-Palooza coming up in May – May the 15th through the 18th. I think there are about, I don’t know, 15 or 20 rooms left out of the hotel. So that’s gonna, that’s probably going to sell out pretty soon.
Mrs. Jones 5:07
Yep. So if you’d like to join us and several other podcasters and of course Kate and Darryl, it’s going to be a good time. That’s for sure.
Mr. Jones 5:16
Definitely. And we have our November week at Pearl and the ocean view rooms are now sold out. Which is what happens first. So there are going to be some master suites and junior suites available and they will probably sell out within the next month I would say. So if you want to go with us, that’s November 14 through the 21st. And you can sign up on our website.
Mrs. Jones 5:43
Yep. It’s gonna be a fun time. I mean, like, we know a lot of people that are coming with us, but there’s a whole bunch of new people signed up too, so I like that, you know, you kind of get a new group and you know that I know we’re going to talk about Austin in a minute. Don’t get mad at me. Every time we host an event, whether it’s at Desire or one of our weekends, I’m like, Okay, that was the most awesome group of people ever, you know, the next event we have it’s certainly – it just has to be a letdown. Like there’s no way we can top this group of people – the way they gel and, and are able to socialize and connect with one another. And it happens every time. Like Austin was incredible.
Mr. Jones 6:26
Yeah. And in preparation for that we may sneak down to Pearl ourselves next month.
Mrs. Jones 6:32
Oh, in preparation for Desire. Mr. Jones 6:34
Yeah, we’re gonna – we’re going on a business trip.
Mrs. Jones 6:36
Well, you know, if I ever had anything to criticize about Desire, it’s it’s the ability to communicate with them via long distance.
Mr. Jones 6:47
They’re not really good.
Mrs. Jones 6:48
They don’t really have voicemail. And they eventually answer email, but…
Mr. Jones 6:53
So we’re getting on a plane and going down there and sitting face to face with them to get a few things straightened out. And while we’re there, we’re gonna stay a few days and have some fun.
Mrs. Jones 7:01
Yeah. Yeah, we’re gonna check out that mansion. And see what that’s like.
Mr. Jones 7:07
Okay, let’s talk about Austin.
Mrs. Jones 7:09
Okay, finally. Oh my goodness. First of all, Mother Nature was totally on our side. Well, once we got there…
Mr. Jones 7:18
Yeah. Oh yeah, there were some people that had struggles getting in. So once we were in Austin, it was 70 degrees and sunny, for Friday and Saturday.
Mrs. Jones 7:26
Oh my gosh, it was so beautiful. And what a nice city. The city is super walkable. Our hotel couldn’t have been in a better location. So many fun restaurants and bars.
Mr. Jones 7:37
Yeah, so we added a night on this event. We started on Thursday night, we went to a comedy club and it was more of – it was called Esther’s Follies and it was a political satire. So it was a lot of fun.
Mrs. Jones 7:49
Which I was a little nervous about, you know, the politics and the lifestyle really don’t mix, but they pretty much bashed everybody.
Mr. Jones 7:58
Yeah. So we went to some bars on Sixth Street after that, and we we went to one called Maggie Maes. And coincidentally, we went upstairs to see what was going on. And there was nobody up there. There was a DJ up there, but the bar wasn’t that crowded so everybody was downstairs. So our entire group went up on the second level. And they started a party just for us. So we had the whole place to ourselves. It was perfect. It was almost like we ordered it.
Mrs. Jones 8:20
It was so much fun that and the DJ was like really reading us and, and he was playing that most incredible music for our group.
Mr. Jones 8:30
Yeah. What you’re trying to say is he realized that it wasn’t just a whole lot of youngsters out there. He played the right kind of music.
Mrs. Jones 8:37
He played really fun dance music, because we were all dancing. Yeah. And there began my quest to kiss every person that came to our meet and greet that night.
Mr. Jones 8:48
Yeah. And then on Friday, we added a couple of workshops. We did a workshop on erotic journaling with your partner.
Mrs. Jones 8:57
Yeah, that was super fun.
Mr. Jones 8:59
Yeah, that was a lot of fun.
Mrs. Jones 9:00
Yeah, for this math person as a little stressed out about it, but it was like super creative and fun. And we just all laughed so much and nobody, you know, we took the workshop seriously, we didn’t take the content seriously. You can really have fun with it and and be, you know, erotic at the same time.
Mr. Jones 9:19
Yeah. And then we had a photography seminar. And this one was on black and white photography.
Mrs. Jones 9:25 Yeah.
Mr. Jones 9:26
With your cell phone.
Mrs. Jones 9:27
Yeah. It was pretty cool. There’s some cool apps out there that you can use to, to edit stuff.
Mr. Jones 9:33
I think the most fun that we had though, was we took over an entire restaurant.
Mr. Jones 9:38 Yeah, Friday night.
Mr. Jones 9:39
Friday night, and we had over 100 people in the restaurant. And that was really nice, because we didn’t have to worry about reservations, and we had the whole place to ourselves and everything was was done ahead of time.
Mrs. Jones 9:50
Yeah, we didn’t have to worry. I mean, not that we behaved appropriately. But you know, we didn’t have to worry about families with small kids, you know, right up next to us because this was a whole separate building that we had to ourselves, and the food was good. It was like kind of upscale Tex Mex and the bartenders made the most incredible Margaritas.
Mr. Jones 10:09 Yep.
Mrs. Jones 10:10 Was a fun night.
Mr. Jones 10:10
Yeah. And then we had to walk down Sixth Street to get back to the hotel again. So it was two nights in a row. We kind of split up and everybody was doing some bar hopping and we really got a good taste of Austin. The authentic Austin. And then on Saturday, we did a couple of – well, Catherine was with us again. She did a workshop on rejection.
Mrs. Jones 10:31 We did yoga first.
Mr. Jones 10:32
Oh, yeah. Essential yoga, how could I forget? Somebody – I think more people were stressed out about the essential yoga than anything else.
Mr. Jones 10:39
No, not flexible at all. Oh, so your foot started cramping.
Mrs. Jones 10:39
I know. Well, you and I struggle, because, first of all, you’re 11 inches taller than me and a lot of the moves – and Catherine even says a lot of the moves are designed for people who are you know more of the same size, just because of the length of arms and legs and such. And then and then we’re not flexible.
Mrs. Jones 11:00
Oh yeah, it did. [Laughter]
Mr. Jones 11:02
And I know that look on your face. We were sitting, we’re sitting face to face and we had our legs spread apart. We’re supposed to put our heels together and then I reached to grab you and I pulled you and you got that look on your face, like honey…
Mrs. Jones 11:16
My toes were not all headed in the same direction. Yeah, between our lack of flexibility and our height difference we struggle.
Mr. Jones 11:24
It’s hard to describe her class. It’s like a cross between a regular yoga class and maybe Richard and Lawrence class at Desire. So you’re – it’s sensual. It’s meant to not necessarily be like yoga, but it’s a way to connect with your partner. Touching and different positions and sitting down and back to back and a lot of pressing up against each other. And, you know, it’s…
Mrs. Jones 11:52
And we’re fully clothed. I mean, we have yoga clothes on.
Mr. Jones 11:55 Yeah, definitely.
Mrs. Jones 11:56
Yeah. So it’s not sexual, but it’s just really, like Mr. Jones said, it’s connecting. You know, like she focuses on synchronizing your breathing and feeling your partner’s heartbeat. And yeah, it’s kind of emotional.
Mr. Jones 12:11
Yeah. It’s very good. Yeah. Then the afternoon, she did a session on rejection. Which was really fascinating.
Mrs. Jones 12:18
Yeah. It was. And it kind of applies to life. Not just being rejected in lifestyle or – Yeah, it was very applicable to all aspects of life, unfortunately.
Mr. Jones 12:29
Yeah. She said that you typically will connect with maybe one out of 20 couples. Yeah. So that means the more you’re rejected the closer you’re getting to number 20. I haven’t looked at it that way before.
Mrs. Jones 12:41
There’s always a bright side.
Mr. Jones 12:43
Yeah, she’s so funny and smart. And we were just happy to have her again. And then you and I did a podcast topic on what we’re going to talk about tonight, which is…
Mrs. Jones 12:53
You mean a workshop topic.
Mr. Jones 12:54
I’m sorry. Yeah, we did a workshop on tonight’s podcast topic. Which we haven’t said what that is yet.
Mrs. Jones 12:59
No, we haven’t. You want to go ahead and, like disclose it? So I think the title of this episode is Voices in Your Head. Mr. Jones has an add-on to that.
Mr. Jones 13:12
No, it’s not Mr. Jones.
Mrs. Jones 13:13
Okay. Well, so it was Andi from Double Date Nation. So she and Dave and Mr. Jones and I were talking last month, we got together with them, as you’re going to hear in a minute, because the topic tonight is really a conversation among the four of us that we recorded. And we were joking around about, you know, listening to the voices in your head, and sometimes that – you know, that can be like really irrational and it can prevent you from, you know, experiencing an opportunity. And she’s like, you mean, just don’t be your own cock blocker.
Mr. Jones 13:48
That’s right. Perfect. So I like her title better. So anyway, we’re going to talk about that later tonight. We did a workshop on that topic. In Austin. Then we went to Colette.
Mrs. Jones 14:01 Yes. Colette Austin.
Mr. Jones 14:02
Yeah, we want to thank Tiffany. And of course John and Jackie Melfi for opening up their club to us.
Mrs. Jones 14:09
It was Kasidie two year – Kasidie sponsored their two year anniversary party. And we had our whole group there, and some local people actually came and joined us. Which was fun. We got to meet some new people. Yeah, it was a good time.
Mr. Jones 14:27
We had a lot of fun. We got a lot of positive feedback. So many people…
Mrs. Jones 14:31
We had some great people.
Mr. Jones 14:32
Yeah, so many people new to the lifestyle and new to We Gotta Thing and their first event and it couldn’t have gone better. I think.
Mrs. Jones 14:40
You know, it’s, I don’t want to say this the wrong way. But it’s, it’s fun. No, it’s not fun. It’s gratifying to watch a couple walk in on Thursday afternoon scared to death. You know, they got the deer in the headlights look, and they’re, you know, not sure that they made the right decision by coming and they, you know, they just don’t know what to expect. And just to watch them throughout the weekend, you know, just kind of relax and get to know people, and just start sharing things in our small group discussions.
Mr. Jones 15:11
Yeah, just just to make it clear – what you will not find at our events are play rooms, and, you know, themedparties. And they’re fun, when we enjoy those, but our weekend is more about like you said
earlier, Mrs. Jones, connecting and learning and growing and, you know, whatever that connection turns into.
Mrs. Jones 15:30
Well, and if you’re new, you know, finding where your spot is in the lifestyle. You know, there’s really no right way to enter or speed at which to progress. So I think our weekends are good starting points for them to just kind of come and talk to 50, 60 other couples about their journey and how they got started. And yeah, you know, what pitfalls to avoid and etc.
Mr. Jones 15:58
Yeah, so thank you for everybody that trusted us with your time and your resources. And thanks to our group leaders, and thanks to Catherine and L&S Fusion and everyone that just made the weekend just so much fun.
Mrs. Jones 16:13
Yes. Because you and I could not do that by ourselves.
Mr. Jones 16:15 Definitely not.
Mrs. Jones 16:16
We had so much wonderful help. So thank you all of our Austin friends and everybody. And all of our new friends that we got to meet.
Mr. Jones 16:25
Yes. So when we come back, just to touch back on what you said Mrs. Jones, we went to Nashville a couple of weeks ago and spent the weekend with Dave and Andi from Double Date Nation. And we wanted to podcast together and we were, you know, sitting around chatting in the afternoon and we started talking about – we both shared experiences how people sometimes didn’t come up and introduce themselves to us because they think we’re some sort of celebrity, or because they don’t want to waste our time, and we started talking about how people in their heads, they get this idea that we’re not approachable, and we believe that we are. And they experience the same thing. And that’s what really got us on this topic of, well, have you ever stood in a club and looked across the hall and said, Wow, there’s a really attractive couple over there, but they’re out of our league. So we’re not even going to go talk to them.
Mrs. Jones 17:22
Yes. I think we’ve all done that. You know, so we’re going to try to dig in tonight. You know, why do we do that to ourselves? Like we’re our own worst enemy sometimes. Our own cock blockers.
Mr. Jones 17:35
Yeah. So when we come back, there’ll be four of us. And we hope you enjoy the conversation. [Music]
Mrs. Jones 17:56
Welcome back to segment two, “Voices in My Head. Don’t Be Your Own Cock Blocker.” What the hell do you mean by that?
Mr. Jones 18:04
I didn’t make up the title. As we mentioned, we’re visiting friends that we’ve had on before and that many of you know, Dave and Andi, Double Date Nation. And during this weekend, we’ve been talking a lot about – well, the first thing that we thought we would do a podcast together, and the wrong way to come up with a title is just to sit down and try to think of a topic to talk about. So we’re having a conversation, and all of a sudden, a topic emerged from that. So Andi is the one who gets credit for the…
Don’t be your own cock blocker.
Mr. Jones 18:42
We said, that’s it! That’s gold. So we…
Mrs. Jones 18:46
So welcome Dave and Andi.
Andi 18:48 Thank you.
Mrs. Jones 18:49
Well, thank you so much for hosting us this weekend. It’s been so much fun.
Definitely. Thank you for coming down.
Mr. Jones 18:57
Yes, it was worth the trip. So before – I have to say, before we get into the topic. We’ve podcasted with you guys before. People probably know that you’re Double Date, Nation… the website. So just real quick, how’s that going?
It’s going really well. We’re actually growing a lot faster than we were expecting. I know at least Andi’s happy about it. So that’s all that matters to me.
No, it’s awesome. It’s going great.
Mr. Jones 19:20
Yeah, good. So we’ll remind you that on our website, you can get a three month trial to Double Date Nation. So we hope you do that. But anyway…
Mrs. Jones 19:28
So we say women rule the lifestyle, but clearly women rule Double Date Nation as well. Is that what we’re talking about here?
Definitely. Women rule Double Date Nation.
Mrs. Jones 19:35
So Andi is the CEO and you’re just the worker bee.
I do whatever she tells me to do.
Mrs. Jones 19:39
Oh, you’re such a good husband.
Dave 19:41 I try, I try.
Mr. Jones 19:43
So this topic – we’ve podcasted before about confidence and courage in the lifestyle and we talked about how, which one of those things comes first, and it’s easy to say that you’re not confident, but it’s really a little – it takes a lot of courage to take some sort of action to overcome that insecurity.
Mrs. Jones 20:01
Right. And we’ve also talked about like, biases in the lifestyle and like, struggling to, you know, make connections with people based on whatever biases you have in your own head, be it, you know, age or race or body type or whatever. But today what we’re going to talk about is literally the voices in our own heads. What’s going on in our own minds that’s preventing us from having as much fun as we could possibly have in lifestyle.
Mr. Jones 20:29
Yeah. So we talked before about how insecurity can keep you from growing and becoming the person that you’re supposed to be and all that stuff. What we’re going to talk about today is we’ve had so many people lately, either at Desire or as we’re planning our Austin trip and coming away from some of our other events where people say, darn, you know, I thought this was going on, or… I thought they were too good for me, and then I found out that they were interested in us. And we started talking about the stories that we start to tell ourselves.
Mrs. Jones 20:57
And then we found out that Dave and Andi have the exact same stories as they get out and about and meet people. So, that’s really kind of how the topic ended up jelling together.
Mr. Jones 21:04
Exactly. And especially because recently, and we talked about this last episode as podcasters. And you guys know, this is – you own your website, and you’re getting out and about, that people have this idea that you’re some sort of a celebrity, and they’re afraid – the story that they tell themselves is, we’re not important enough, or they don’t have the time, you know, to talk to us or they’re not going to be interested. So that conversation led into this as well, as, you know, why do people do that? And then we stopped and thought about it for a while, we realized all of us have stories about filling in the blanks that aren’t exactly true. So that’s what we’re going to talk about. So I think let’s start back with not being confident and being insecure because part of what we talked about before, and I think where this all starts is, why are you insecure? And to give yourself an opportunity to do some exploration there and figure out why that is. So anybody want to shoot at some, like, I mean, there’s body image and there’s bad experiences that you’ve had in your life and there’s trauma that you may have experienced, or
maybe it’s because of how old you are. Or maybe it’s because of a preconceived idea of what you think something is or…
Mrs. Jones 22:24
We’re only just let this go on for 90 minutes, right? Cuz yeah, we can talk about this for a really long time.
Mr. Jones 22:29
Well and then on the way we just went out to brunch and on the way back, we were talking about even high school – as long as it’s been since we’ve been in high school, how that kind of had an impact on us and we still carry a lot of that stuff. So do you guys want to talk about – a little bit about, not necessarily your insecurity, but like what causes that?
So early on in the lifestyle … I was sitting here going I’m really confident man, I’m not gonna have any insecurities and I started realizing I had more insecurities than I knew. So my biggest thing that I came from the very beginning of our journey was we were in a play scenario. And I was watching Andi have a really good time. And during that time, for some reason, something in my head started saying she’s having more fun with him than she could ever have with me. And so my insecurity grew into that, that I was inadequate. But the problem is, I wasn’t communicating the fact that I was insecure, that I wanted to – I wanted her to love me, and I felt as if that man was my replacement.
Mr. Jones 23:31
So this – what’s the specific story you were telling yourself was that she’s, Oh, my gosh, she’s finding him
– I don’t want to put words in your mouth. But what’s that story? Like, what what were you convinced of? that was happening?
I, in my mind, kind of saw him as a threat. He was a really good looking guy. I thought he was more attractive than me………………. He was better than me in my mind.
Mr. Jones 23:55
Right. So what was she gonna do with that information that she’s now discovered that he’s so much better than you………… ?
See, that’s the thing – like it doesn’t go through my head. It just starts with the end point, I was so simple minded at the point that I was just like, she wants him more than me. That was it. There was no fixing it, no correcting it, it was just my own voice in my head saying, This is too much. I need to run. And with that, we didn’t talk about it for months. I held it in. I never said anything until we had a disagreement.
And I just, I brought it out. It was something that I had held on to. And I wish I hadn’t held on to it for so long. Because after that conversation, our relationship was 10 times stronger. So I just needed to know. I should have told you in the first place that I was uncomfortable.
Yeah. And in that scenario, I saw you looking at me, and I’m having this sexy fun time. And I think you’re enjoying it. And so you’re on one plane thinking, Oh my gosh, you know, I’m feeling insecure and I’m
looking at you thinking Oh, he thinks this is hot. So we’re on totally different levels. So total mis-thinking in general. So, just, it was way off.
Mr. Jones 25:07
What about you, Mrs. Jones?
Mrs. Jones 25:09
Well, just back to the conversation that we had in the car on the way home from lunch, you know, we were talking about these insecurities. And, and you had a very similar beginning to what Dave just described, where you had a jealousy issue in the very beginning of our journey, and it took a few months for it to come out. And when it came out, I think I probably said, because I said it in the car today, that’s ridiculous, like, and from my perspective, like the fact that you would be jealous of anything I would do with anybody else is crazy in my mind, because like, you’re the center of my universe, and you’re really the only person that can get to a place inside of my heart that, you know, that’s just reserved for you.
Like, sexy fun can be with anybody.
Mr. Jones 25:55
So the story you were playing in your mind was that it couldn’t be jealousy because that would be ridiculous. That would that would never happen. So you’re playing the opposite story. Your mind won’t even let you go to where I am. Because it’s impossible for you. That’s ridiculous.
Mrs. Jones 26:10
Right. But then for me to discount it like that, that was not helpful.
Mr. Jones 26:14 No, it wasn’t.
Mrs. Jones 26:15
Because I needed to acknowledge it. And then we needed to work through it as a couple, which we ended up doing. But I think, you know, when you see a person, your partner that you’ve known for so long, and you think you know them so well, and this stuff comes out as a result of experiences in the lifestyle, and it appears to come out of left field. It’s like what am I supposed to do with this? This is you know, it’s ludicrous. It’s crazy. You have nothing to worry about. But yes, you do because it’s what’s going on in your mind.
Mr. Jones 26:46
So what it comes down to is that we – we all do this and we do it between your partner and we also do it between another couple and we make up stories about what happened when we were with another couple. So I think what we’re talking about is you’re substituting a reality with some sort of a perception that you have. And when you make that substitution, and we are all going to do this, it, I don’t think you can… It’s hard to stop that from happening. It just, it just happens because of the insecurities that we have. And then with our misperceptions, we make up a story. And then the story that we make up feeds our misperception, and it becomes our reality. And we’re convinced – we’ve convinced ourselves. This is definitely, especially if it’s with another couple and the two of you talk like, how do you – why do you think, or do you think they would like us? Oh, no, they’re, they’re better than us or that we’re not good enough for them. So that reinforces…
Mrs. Jones 27:46
They’re younger than us. They’re so attractive. There’s no way they would be interested in us.
Mr. Jones 27:50
So you’re reinforcing my insecurity and so together, it was like, we become our own worst enemy.
Mrs. Jones 27:56
Right. I mean, we were just at PlayhouseLV in Las Vegas in November, December? And we had a couple that had reached out to us ahead of time and said, Hey, we hear you’re going to be there. We’re coming too. We really can’t wait to meet you. And, and we were like, Oh, that’s fantastic. And then we get there. And that couple – we never ran into that couple that night, and that’s not that big of a place. So we get home and they sent us this sweet message. And they’re like, Oh, we saw you there and so busy, like we were just, you know, we didn’t want to bother you. You look like you’re having so much fun. It’s like, Oh my gosh, that’s why we were there. So in their minds, they – I don’t know, were they insecure or they are afraid to approach us and you know that that’s kind of like our own personal problem. And I know Dave and Andi, you guys have that – that issue too when you’re at events and people say that they’re afraid to come up to you and you know…
Mr. Jones 28:52
I don’t know. Has that happened to you guys?
It has. Yeah, we were at our local club. And we had a couple message us first, like similar to you, and they said, you know, we’re going to be there, we’d love to meet you. And then nothing, you know, we never saw them. And then they emailed after and said, you just looked super busy. So we didn’t want to bother you. Almost the exact same message verbatim. Then we felt awful because we missed out on that opportunity to know you know, to meet them, so…
Mr. Jones 29:17
And when you miss an opportunity with somebody who lives close to you, it’s one thing but when you come to Desire, you come to Naughty In N’awlins, you come to one of our events, and then you get on the plane to go home. And then you get a message from the couple afterwards and you’re kicking yourself because we may never be able to see these folks, again, we missed an opportunity because we didn’t take the time out to have a conversation. Because we had convinced ourselves, because of….
we’re such good storytellers about things that aren’t real.
Mrs. Jones 29:49
Right. Well, can I can I do a true confession here?
Mr. Jones 29:52
Uh, oh. Do we need special music for this?
Mrs. Jones 29:54
Maybe. I dunno. Drum roll or whatever.. So when we met Dave and Andi the first time, I felt that way.
Mr. Jones 30:03 You felt what way?
Mrs. Jones 30:04
Well, the first time we met them, I just thought, Oh my gosh, you know, they’re they’re out of our league. They’re so attractive and they’re younger than us and blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. And all these, like, crazy thoughts are going through my head, like, I’m, you know, I can’t even let them know I’m interested because I don’t want to be shot down because it’ll just bruise my ego. And, and we did miss an opportunity, you know, to, to really grow a really awesome friendship now. But you know, luckily, we have common business interests, and that brought us back together and then all of a sudden we have this really cool friendship.
And that just blows my mind that you’re thinking that and then we’re thinking, Oh my gosh, can you see me sweating? Do I have anything in my teeth? Oh my gosh, that’s Mr. and Mrs. Jones. Oh, my gosh,
I swear the first time I met you guys I stuttered for like the first hour.
Yeah, I think I just stared blankly and didn’t speak. [Laughter] And that brings me back too to the point that if we could all hear each other’s thoughts, it would make these situations so much easier, you know, removes that whole mystery and thinking everything, you know, we’re holding everything in, thinking, Okay, we’re doing everything wrong, somebody is judging me for this or that. And the person across the table from you is probably thinking the same things about themselves. Just, it would be great if we could just hear those and just…
Mr. Jones 31:24
I know, wouldn’t that be cool. Just let those inner voices out sometimes. And I think…
Mrs. Jones 31:29
People then would know how crazy I am.
Mr. Jones 31:33
But I think before we get to that, and I really want to talk more about that, but we’ve convinced ourselves that our story is so correct, that we get sometimes angry at the other couple, for not doing anything, but you look at them and they’re like, yeah, they’re busy. They’re too busy for us. They’re too good for us and and then you start to get angry at the other people, and they don’t even know they’re involved in this story. You know, maybe you know, you’re shying away from them because of it, maybe it’s not anger, but you know, maybe you get defensive or maybe you’re, you’re shying away, or maybe you write them off or maybe even start to feel sorry for yourself, because oh, there’s another couple that’s too good for us. And this poor couple over there didn’t even have a chance to react.
Mrs. Jones 32:15
Exactly. And you could have ended up missing an opportunity to develop a really cool friendship.
Well, and you too, you can kind of do that with your partner, kind of like Dave’s story, you know, he was a little bit bitter with me, and I didn’t know why for so long. But I was – he was upset with me over something that never happened that he had kind of created in his mind, you know, so…
Well, and not to mention not just being able to express that, like there’s sexual situations or fantasies that I never expressed when – before we got into lifestyle, because I was insecure about talking about ’em. And so as soon as I actually started opening up, and I was like, I want to try this, I want to try this. And she was like, that sounds hot. And I’m like, why did I wait so many years to say this?
Mr. Jones 32:57
I wanted to ask you more about that because the next thing I wanted to talk about is, okay, what are we going to do about this? We’re all in the situation. So how do you interrupt that story with the conversation? So go back to the story you were telling earlier about the jealousy. Who – How did you finally – who finally decided to talk about this first? And how long did it take before you decided to let that inside voice in your head? And to hear that, how did that or how did that go?
So it spurred inside me for quite a while. Let’s just say it came out in a disagreement. And that was the worst time for me to express something that was hurting me. And finally, when everything kind of calmed down, because I think she responded incredibly well, because when she realized that situation hurt me, she was like, Oh my gosh, I can’t – If I had known that, I never would have let that happen. And so we got to sit down and talk about it and it just made everything 10 times stronger in our relationship, but the biggest thing was ever since that initial barrier in me, because I hold everything in, I’ve been able to tell her so much more. So getting past that first insecurity and being able to talk to your significant other about it was, for us, that’s what helped us the most.
Mr. Jones 34:12
So do you remember Andi, when you had this conversation and he came to you to talk about it, was he adult like about it? Or was he angry about it? Or what was his state of mind?
Mrs. Jones 34:22 What chair was he?
Mr. Jones 34:23
Yeah, what chair was he in? The adolescent chair, the adult chair?
I’m going to say childish but…
Yeah, adolescent chair, for sure. So it was a disagreement. I don’t even remember, it had nothing to do with play situations. It was just a typical, you know, water bill kind of situation or something like that. And he took that opportunity of us kind of having discord at that moment to say, Well, yeah, remember that time? I was kind of dumbfounded.
And the problem with me is that I kind of use that as ammunition. We were having an argument about something completely separate from the lifestyle. I’m like, Oh, yeah, well, you did this.
Mr. Jones 34:57
Yeah. And it came out.
And then it came out. Like I was defenseless.
You looked for your opportunity.
Dave 35:03 Yeah.
Mr. Jones 35:03
So it really was not…
Mrs. Jones 35:04
And you probably didn’t even know it was going to come out of your mouth.
Oh, I had no idea. No idea.
Mr. Jones 35:08
But it definitely wasn’t the water bill.
No, it definitely wasn’t the water bill. [Laughter]
Mr. Jones 35:13
Well, that goes back to the point of you, you got angry about it, and you’d been thinking about it for so long. So then when you do bring it up, you’re not in the right frame of mind. She’s getting mixed messages because she really doesn’t know what’s going on. And is this starting to sound like our marriage a little bit, honey?
Mrs. Jones 35:27
Yeah, I think. Yeah. I think maybe Dave and I are like, I don’t know, a lot alike.
We get to the point where like, what are – what were we fighting about, again? I’m trying to remember.
Mr. Jones 35:38
So what about… Can the four of us think of examples of when have we been able to interrupt this false narrative that we’ve built, and then talk to another couple either afterwards or the next morning or that evening and say Hey, let’s debrief. What was really going on here? Or, at a club…
Mrs. Jones 36:05
So now we’re talking about insecurities within ourselves geared towards another couple.
Mr. Jones 36:09
Yeah. Yeah. Or it could have been like, you didn’t approach a couple at an event, but then how do you go up to them and and break through that? How do you actually do this? It’s one thing to understand that, and we all agree that we do this. But I think the key here is how do we tell people how you break
that cycle? And how do you let those inner voices outside of your head without somebody thinking you’re, you’re ridiculous or – because that’s the word that you used is ridiculous.
Mrs. Jones 36:39 Yeah.
Well, and I have the story where we were playing with a couple, very attractive couple, had a lot in common. They were a bit younger than us, and in the situation the guy that I’m playing with, you know, we’re next to Dave and this guy’s wife, and he’s just not looking at me. He’s not responding to me physically in any way. There’s not even an erection. And you know, it was really awkward. And I’m trying so hard and… I’m getting more and more frustrated. Of course, I’m taking everything internally like, this is all me. He thinks I’m old, or he, you know, he saw my crow’s feet, or I didn’t get my gray hair dyed, you know, or something. And so I’m just, it’s just getting worse and worse and worse. And he’s looking at his wife. And it never dawned on me that he’s actually watching his wife. So I’m kind of looking at Dave going, you know, let’s x this, you know, let’s close this down, because this went on for about an hour and a half, and then that can boil up after a while. Well, after the play session, Dave and I debriefed. And we asked the couple after, you know what, what happened, Dave spoke with the husband and said, you know, what was going on? And he said, You know, my fantasy is just to watch my wife with another man. And that would have been amazing. And we could have done that and it would have created you know, a much more comfortable space to play in, if he had just told us that in the front end, and we ended up playing again with them, and that was good to know, he just really was not interested in playing. So in the meantime, though, I thought, I’m fat or I’m gross, or his wife’s prettier, and I’m ugly, and he thinks I’m, you know, repulsive. So that was hurtful. So you know, communication is good going into a play session, you know, you know, communicate that.
Mr. Jones 38:27
Yeah. So a couple things about your stories. First of all, good for you guys… for going back and opening up that dialogue again, because otherwise you would have left there and it would have been end of story. But the other thing is that, Andi, as you’re, as you’re telling the story, and I’m sitting here next to you, looking at you at my – the word that comes to my mind is what Mrs. Jones just said and that would be to say, well, that’s ridiculous. You’re beautiful. But I think the point here is it’s not ridiculous, because if somebody that you think is, is – if this image that you have of them – it’s not fair for us to tell somebody like you or somebody, Mrs. Jones is, you know, I think you’re so beautiful and you roll your eyes. It’s unfair for us to just say that’s ridiculous. We need to understand that everybody has insecurities, no matter what and no matter who. And who was it, was it you that said about – who was it that told you about, Mrs. Jones, about comparison, and what that does?
Mrs. Jones 39:31
Oh, that was my yoga instructor.
Mr. Jones 39:32 Yeah, what was that…
Mrs. Jones 39:33
She said comparison is the thief of joy. I mean, that is so profound. Andi 39:38
Mrs. Jones 39:38
When you compare yourself to somebody else, you’re just selling yourself short.
Mr. Jones 39:43
So the fact that I would say, Oh, my gosh, Andi you’re so beautiful. That’s ridiculous. What I’m doing is I’m comparing you to something and that’s not fair to you. It’s not right. I’m like saying, You have no right to be insecure, but you’re a human being and you know, we’ve heard this over and over before. So I think that reinforces the story that we look across – Let’s go back to our story. Like if we’re sitting across the table from Dave and Andi, and we’re feeling like they’re not in our league, how unfair is that to them? Because we’ve put them on this pedestal.
Mrs. Jones 40:18 Right. And don’t…
Mr. Jones 40:19
They didn’t ask to be put there. You know, we put them there. So not only are we unfair to ourselves, but we’re being unfair to the other couple.
Mrs. Jones 40:27
Well, and why do we assume that really attractive people are going to be standoffish or whatever? You know, if that doesn’t make any sense at all. You can be attractive and still a warm, generous, caring person, but we we just, I don’t know, that’s part of what goes on in your head, like, you know, I couldn’t be witty enough to have a conversation with them or you know, whatever, and it’s crazy.
Mr. Jones 40:54
And so I think the first step to this if we were going to like give somebody some tools to get through this is – You have to have the ability to understand or accept that there might be another story…………… So like,
Dave, when you went and talked to the other gentleman about the bad experience that Andi had, you must have in your mind thought, Well, wait a minute. It’s got to be something else.
That’s literally what I thought, because like, in my mind, it’s like I could, I was thinking of scenarios in my head for him. And I was like,……………. this could happen, this could happen. So I went to him, not angry, but
trying to be understanding, it’s like, just tell me what was happening, because maybe we can talk about it. It’ll help it in the future, or I’ll just understand where you were, where you were coming from.
Mr. Jones 41:40
Right. And so you took that – not only did you believe that it was possible, but you took you took that next step forward.
Dave 41:46 Oh, yeah.
Mr. Jones 41:46
Which is critical. So let’s talk about – we’ve all been there. Talking about taking that first step forward, you’re at a resort, or you’re at a club, or you’re at an event and we all have done this, you’ve looked at
the guests list, you know who’s gonna be there. You’ve picked out a few profile names that you want to meet, and you see the couple. And you think, Oh my gosh, they’re, fill in the blank… too young, too pretty, too experienced, too whatever. Too busy to talk to us. How do you take that first step? What is that like, when you’ve been in that situation, how do you get beyond that? And what do you do?
So in the experiences that we’ve had… maybe this is a bad example. But we we’ve met a lot of couples in the lifestyle that we may have had no intentions of playing with. But they came over and at least started talking to us and their personalities were amazing. They became great friends. And so I in my mind, like if I’m going to approach somebody, I’m not going to approach them with the idea of going, I’m going to try to have sex with you in five minutes. It’s more of the lines of, I’m going to go up to you and I’m going to try to start a communication and try to build a quick relationship, whether it be an hour or weeks, but I think my my best approach is going up with the idea that’s like I’m not looking for sex, I’m looking for a connection. So I want to go and talk to them, get to know them. If something sparks, regardless of what you look like – Andi is a sapiosexual. So she loves brains. She loves intelligence. So it’s just – never assume what other people want or are looking for.
Mr. Jones 43:20 Right.
Mrs. Jones 43:21
And I think what we’re new in the lifestyle, you know it, it’s all about sex, because that’s, that’s the new part. Like we we can make friends with other people in the vanilla world, you know, and so you’re good at that. But now you’re going about it with the possibility that there could be sex involved. And I think that it’s hard to get that out of the forefront of your mind and just look for that connection and see where that connection may take you down the road, whether that’s in an hour or a month or whatever.
Mr. Jones 43:51
So we’re open to – once you do that, then you’re allowing whatever is going to develop after that develop, and you know what might come next, is no thank you. But at least it’s real at that point in time. Or it might be the next step into building a friendship, but you won’t know until you get there. And to your point, Mrs. Jones, I think I think sometimes that what we do is when we meet another couple and you’re in the lifestyle, or you’re in an event, you think sex is the ultimate goal for approaching this couple, you know, maybe we don’t come out and say that, but I think that’s how we act like, okay, we’re gonna go try to sleep with them or have sex with them when in fact, what happens, when we look back – How many good friends do we have in the lifestyle that we either won’t play with or you know, haven’t played with or won’t play with but they’re really good friends? So you don’t know where that friendship is going to lead. But starting out with a default setting is it’s all about sex is I think a lot what keeps from the reality or wanting to hear the story.
Mrs. Jones 45:04
Right. Yeah, I think that’s what makes it intimidating, because it seems like it’s all or nothing. And it’s not, I mean, just having like pants-on friends that, you know you’re never going to physically interact with, but you can still have these like, ridiculously sexy conversations with, that is awesome. And that’s new. You don’t do that in vanilla world. So it’s still, you know, quote unquote sexy. It just doesn’t involve necessarily a physical interaction.
Mr. Jones 45:32
Right. So I think just being yourself. I know, I know, these things are easy to say. But if you’re going to be real, I think if you’re the type of person that can let those voices out of your head, then you’re more likely to just say, Oh, well, here I am. You know, warts and all. I don’t have to come up with a fancy line. I don’t have to have you know, all of these crutches that I need to try to convince you to like me. I just have to be myself. So even though it sounds easy, it’s not, or sounds simple, it’s not easy to do.
If you just kind of go into an event or a club with the mindset, though, is that I’m going to make some great friends. Everybody in this club, we, you know, has a commonality with me. We’ve enjoyed something very sexual and open. And that’s kind of you kind of walk in and think, Okay, I’m going to meet new people and remove the expectation that I have to score a point or something that evening, and that’s not – there’s not an end goal. We don’t – Dave and I don’t play with people we just meet. So we never have that expectation. So it kind of removes a lot of that pressure from us. It’s like, you know, we have to, you know, we’re like looking – predators looking for our prey or something like that. And that’s, you know, and there there may be people and that’s, that’s their jive, or that’s what they like to do. But it removes some of the pressure for us. So if everybody kind of looked at it that way, it might make things a little more fluid.
Mr. Jones 46:58
I think that’s a really good point. We’ve talked – everyone has talked about, like rules. And one of our rules was, we don’t play the first date. But that rule was made made more to give us a chance to come back and talk to each other about the couple, It hasn’t necessarily been, like Andi was just saying, if you just have that rule, it takes all the pressure off of the evening, and you can just be yourself. And then ironically, you might find yourself in a place where there’s a possibility of play, because you didn’t, you didn’t plan on it, but it just, it’s, it’s off the table. So all that pressure is off.
Mrs. Jones 47:35
Well, you know, when you try to force a situation that, you know, oftentimes is not going to turn out to be 100% positive. You know, it just kind of has to happen. And, and that, I think, has a lot to do with your mindset going into the evening.
Mr. Jones 47:53
Right. So I think any number of things could happen when you decide to play the real story instead of allowing this fake story to go on. And that is, number one, it could have – It might not go well. But at least you know where you stand and you can move on. Or it might go well, and if it goes well, then what happens after that? Well, it could be a friendship, or could be, it could eventually lead to play. But at least whatever it is, it’s the real story that’s playing out. And it’s not this fake thing and our perceptions that that are in our head.
Mrs. Jones 48:36
Well, you know that this doesn’t – like these voices in your head. They don’t go away.
Mr. Jones 48:42
That’s a good point. Right.
Mrs. Jones 48:44
Like, you can actually have a couple that you’ve been friends with for a while and have played with potentially multiple times and still have these moments where all of a sudden you’re unsure of your actions. I mean, I just, I just put myself in that position not too long ago.
Mr. Jones 49:00
Do you have to tell the story now?
Mrs. Jones 49:02
I do have to tell a story. So we were, we were playing with a couple and, and I’m not gonna lie, like most of the time, though the wife and I…
Mr. Jones 49:11
So this is a couple that we’ve known for a while. And played with before.
Mrs. Jones 49:14
Yeah. So she, she and I tend to gravitate towards the husbands because we both happen to have really hot husbands.
Mr. Jones 49:21
Can you blame them, though?
Mrs. Jones 49:22
[Laugher] But I mean, she and I adore each other as well. And when we were playing this time in particular that I’m thinking of, we’ve been playing for a while, and I leaned over to kiss her. And I said, Would it be okay if I explored a little bit? And she said, Sure. So I started kissing her breasts because she has amazing breasts. And then I kind of started working my way down, and I went down on her, and as I started going down on her, I’m like, you know, I was really pretty vague. I used the word explore, and didn’t say what I was going to explore. But everything seemed to be going okay.
Mr. Jones 49:58
From my vantage point, if it’s the story, I’m thinking of, it didn’t seem to be bothering her in the least.
Mrs. Jones 50:02
Well, and I didn’t feel that way at the time either. That… To be continued here. So everything was going great. And I think you were standing up at her head. You managed to find your way up there.
Mr. Jones 50:14
Yeah, she may have had me…
Mrs. Jones 50:15
Was she giving you a blowjob?
Mr. Jones 50:18
Yeah, it’s been a while. So I don’t really remember the details, but I think so.
Mrs. Jones 50:22
Okay, well, anyway, but her husband was kind of on the other side of her. And all of a sudden, he kind of came over to me and he said, something…
Mr. Jones 50:31
I know what he said. He said, he said, Excuse me, I need to get in here. And he literally pulled you out of the way and went down on his wife.
Mrs. Jones 50:41 Yeah.
Mr. Jones 50:42
And then he pointed at me, and said…
Mrs. Jones 50:43
Which was really hot. And at the time, it didn’t bother me at all. And it was kind of funny because all of a sudden, he just made this snap decision. And it was – everything, turned out splendidly that night, and then I went to bed.
Mr. Jones 50:45 Yeah.
Mrs. Jones 50:45 And typical me…
Mr. Jones 50:47
And those voices in your head…
Mrs. Jones 51:01
Well, I just have this annoying habit of always waking up at two or three in the morning. And I woke up and, you know, I was feeling pretty good about myself. And then all of a sudden, I thought to myself, you know, she and I really don’t play together very often. And he kind of pulled me out of the way suddenly, and I wonder if I was like, overstepping my bounds. And he was trying to like, mitigate.
Mr. Jones 51:27 Protect his wife.
Mrs. Jones 51:28
Yeah, a situation that – I had created some discomfort, and maybe he was trying to like, redirect, so it didn’t become a problem. And then, and then it just went down from there. And I had convinced myself that, you know, I had done something wrong and, and we’re really good friends with these people. And we’ve known them for a while and I’m like, Did I just damage a friendship? And it was, it was just kind of a wreck. So luckily, we were at an event with them and we got to see them the next day.
Mr. Jones 51:43
That’s when you decided to put your big girl panties on. And have a conversation.
Mrs. Jones 52:03
I did because my, my fallback – and this is my own insecurity is just to kind of like bury that and like pretend there was nothing wrong, but then I thought, you know what? This is too important. I’m not going to screw this up. So I just had to come clean and say, I’m concerned that I overstepped my bounds
last night, and that I did something without consent. And luckily I was wrong and everything turned out fine. But at three o’clock in the morning, it was a problem.
Mr. Jones 52:06
Well, not only did it turn out fine, if I remember when you told the husband, he immediately just started busted out laughing. Because he wanted to fulfill a fantasy. When he saw me with – I was in her mouth and then he wanted to go down on her.
Mrs. Jones 52:48 Clearly I was in the way.
Mr. Jones 52:49
He wanted to be with her…
Mrs. Jones 52:50
He literally grabbed me by the hips and just kind of picked me up and moved me over. It was pretty funny at the time.
So he was saying – so the husband was thinking about something that was going on in his mind, and then you’re thinking, Oh, what – did I do something wrong? And then the wife’s probably thinking, I’m the luckiest girl in the whole world. [Laugher] …so it’s, again, another – if you think of everybody involved there, everybody was thinking something different.
Mr. Jones 53:19
And I tell you, I was fat, dumb and happy, because while you were getting pulled out the way, you know, he says, Mr. Jones, no, you stay right where you are. You’re filling your role. And I’m like, Yes, sir. So I had no, there was no misperception of my …reality was, you know, she was giving me a blow job and I got to stay. He didn’t kick me out of the way. He kicked you out of the way. [Laugher]
Mrs. Jones 53:42
I was kicked to the curb.
That too, and I know exactly what you mean, Mrs. Jones, because two to three AM, I have these meetings with my ceiling the same way. And then it just gets bigger and worse. And then I think, and then it adds on. It’s like the little friends of the demons in my head are like they’re multiplying, and it’s just the worst.
Mrs. Jones 54:01
I know. And I mean, I’m so glad that I was like – it was a weekend where I had the opportunity to see them the next day because I don’t know if I would have had the nerve to reach out by text or say, Oh, can I FaceTime with you? Because there’s something I need. You know, it was just so much easier because we just ran into them the next morning.
And think about if you hadn’t had that opportunity, and just left it where you’re thinking one thing and they’re thinking nothing.
Mrs. Jones 54:24
Right, I probably would have had the… or gotten up the nerve to talk to Mr. Jones about it, but then I probably would have, and I don’t know this, but, you know, I potentially could have withdrawn and not sought out future connections with them. Because of my lack of self confidence. I, you know, I don’t want it to be awkward because now they’re going to have to say no, because they don’t like me anymore. And, you know, then you just like start playing your little violin and just like, ridiculous.
Mr. Jones 54:52
I don’t think that – and I don’t want people to think that what we’re saying is that after every encounter you have to go back and talk to people. Because in the case that you’re talking about, these folks are good friends and so it’s a relationship we want to preserve. So we were motivated.
Mrs. Jones 55:09
And I was afraid to talk to them about it. And they’re good friends.
Mr. Jones 55:12
Well, yeah, but the reason that you did – one of the reasons you did is because we don’t want to lose that friendship. But if it’s just a first date, and something goes wrong, or you have a misperception, or you don’t go introduce yourself to somebody because of a misperception. You just have to, you’ve lost an opportunity. But it doesn’t mean you have to go back and make it right. You just, you know, there’s too many of these in life and it takes a lot of energy to go back and do these. You have to choose which ones are most important to you. I think the point we’re trying to make is that, you know, when we’re listening to our kids, there’s always, you know, when they would come home from school and tell you something like, okay, that’s not the whole story. I’m getting this from a 13 year old. There’s always another side to the story. So I think that’s what we’re saying is that there’s always another side to the story. Whether you choose to do anything about that or not. But I think that helps us keep our insecurities at bay to at least acknowledge that maybe it wasn’t my thighs, or maybe it wasn’t my gray hair, you know, maybe I have to acknowledge that it could have been something else that instead – instead of this perception that I have in my head.
Mrs. Jones 56:19
Well, it could be that the other people have insecurities too. You know, their insecurities are preventing them from approaching you and then and then vice versa. And that sounds so middle school, but dang, I mean, …this kind of stuff takes you back there – like high school, middle school.
So your own insecurities end up creating more insecurities in yourself and in others.
Mrs. Jones 56:41 Yeah.
That’s basically how it works.
Mr. Jones 56:43
So have you guys, Dave and Andi, have you guys seen that you’ve gotten better? So you guys have been in in the lifestyle for how long?
Almost four years now.
I think four, almost five.
Mr. Jones 56:54
So would you – I don’t want to put words in your mouth. But would you say it’s safe to say that this sort of an issue is a bigger issue when you’re first entering into the lifestyle?
No doubt, I think it is. It’s always an issue, it’s never going to go away. But it’s definitely worse in the beginning, because you just have so much to learn about just interaction with others, especially in such a vulnerable situation in play.
Well, you sit here – and in our minds, I’m sitting here going, I don’t want to do something that’s going to upset her. She doesn’t want to do something that upsets me. But the problem is, in the beginning, we weren’t communicating what possibly could that be that would upset me or what would upset her? So it’s kind of like we had to wait until we got to those scenarios, experienced the scenarios and then we started discussing them, so…
Mrs. Jones 57:37
Right, how can you even tell her what’s going to upset you, because you don’t know.
So, as a guy, I tend to fantasize in my mind any possible situation. I feel like every scenario that could have come to mind, I’d already gone through and be like, I was there. This is great. Let’s do it.
Completely different in reality.
I would just like to say, I’m so glad women don’t do that. [Laughter] You men are a handful.
Mr. Jones 58:03
Look at that. All the brains, beauty and a sense of humor. But – and I think you made this point earlier Mrs. Jones and I and I kind of didn’t follow up, but we could very well possibly have the same situation over and over again with the same couple. I guess what I’m saying is, even if you go out to dinner and you and you go out with them again and you start to make a friendship and you have a misperception, you correct it, it doesn’t mean that it’s going to stop happening, even in that particular relationship that you have. And so, you know, just to be aware that, and maybe it gets easier. I guess that was my gonna be my follow up question, is does it get easier? Like when you approach that… couple and confess that what you were thinking when you were staring at the ceiling.
Mrs. Jones 58:52
I think if anything ever comes up again, it’ll be easier for me to go back to them and say, remember that time I woke up at three o’clock in the morning, well, this time it was 3:30. And this is what’s in my head now. And you know, hopefully we can just kind of laugh about it and work it out. Yeah, I mean, even if
it’s something legitimate, I think it’s something that I think four of us could sit down and have a rational conversation about and fix it, because I think we all care about each other enough to fix it.
Mr. Jones 59:18
Right. What about you guys? I know that you said you think it gets it gets easier as you go along. But do you find yourselves now when you’re in a situation – of course, it’s a little bit different from you, for you because you have a business and you and you need to do like business development you need to meet people, but from a personal perspective, do you – are you guys introverts? Are you extroverts? Do you find it difficult? Is it getting easier to approach other couples, or how do you all meet other people?
We’re actually pretty introverted. I’d say both of us are. It’s not difficult. We both work with people in in our jobs. So it’s not something that’s – that, you know, it’s not something that’s outlandish to say, Okay, let’s walk up to this couple and you know, we don’t get really worked up about it or nervous about it.
But yeah, I mean, it’s always – it all depends on the scenario, depends on, you know, if you’ve been drinking, it depends on how sexually worked up you are, because we tend to get a little sexy, you know, and talk and fantasizing, and before we even go to an event, so it’s all – it’s – there’s so many variables with it, but I do think it gets easier with experience for sure.
Yeah, and, and well and for some reason, talking about the clubs, like I, I see myself, I’ll be scanning around the clubs when we’re promoting. And I’ll see maybe a couple that I find attractive. And the funny part is, is that they start walking towards us. They may not be coming directly to us, but I start getting nervous and my heart starts racing. I’m like they’re walking this way. Warning. Warning.
Mr. Jones 1:00:46 Yeah. [Laughter]
And then he’s like, Can you show me where the bathroom is, sir? [Laughter]
That did happen.
Mr. Jones 1:00:56
That’s funny. So you thought somebody was approaching you, and they just wanted to know where the restroom was. Yeah, that’s funny.
And I was let down. After that I felt so sad.
And he’s like, join DDN for three months free. Oh, it’s over here. Just take a right. [Laughter]
Mr. Jones 1:01:09
And the other – I don’t know if we touched on this yet or not, but the – because we said everybody does this, and because we’re so critical on ourselves, what we forget is the other couples across the room doing the same thing.
Mrs. Jones 1:01:21 Exactly.
Mr. Jones 1:01:22
You know. So when you go and approach somebody, not only does your story become real, but their story becomes real as well. And then they’ve – any preconceived ideas they had about you are now dispelled at the same time. So hopefully, it’s a win win.
And too, being in the business in the lifestyle, it’s hard to get around to everybody. And that’s, you know, and you don’t want to be conveyed as somebody who’s not friendly or snobbish or anything like that, because that’s definitely not the case. We want to meet everybody. So you know, …you’ve got a lot going on. So find your way over to us. We will welcome it. Come up, give us a big hug. We love it.
Mrs. Jones 1:02:01
Have you ever lost your voice at an event?
Mrs. Jones 1:02:06
Because I just can’t shut up. I mean, I really enjoy talking to people.
Mrs. Jones 1:02:10
Yes. And you’re trying to meet and converse with people over ridiculously loud music.
Mr. Jones 1:02:14
Okay, so I, um, I’m gonna ask a question for the people out there, to Mrs. Jones and to Andi, because if I can have a misperception like the one that you shared about, maybe we’re being intimidated, or maybe they’re too good for us – Have you, as two beautiful women, been approached by another man or a couple who just were convinced that you you wanted to have sex with them and that you that misperception was totally on the other side, about, you know, Hey, you know what, you’re gonna like me, and in my mind, you know, we’re going to have sex tonight, even though it doesn’t come out that way. Have you had experiences where that misperception is totally on the other side?
So like the voices in their heads are saying, You’ve got this.
Go get it.
Mr. Jones 1:02:58 Yes.
Mr. Jones 1:03:00
It’s still – it’s still a misperception.
Yes. Right. So their voices are not tearing them down. They’re building them.
Mr. Jones 1:03:05 Yeah, exactly.
Mrs. Jones 1:03:07
I have had that happen. And it was it – It’s kind of an aggressive approach, but it’s like, hey, you’re welcome……………… Okay, great. So yes, I have had that happen. And I just, you know, politely said, you know, it
wasn’t a good situation for us to play that evening, anyhow. But there wasn’t an attraction on my part. So I just said, you know, it’s really nice to meet you. I’m just, you know, unfortunately, it’s not going to work out. But, you know, you’re, you’ve got your moves, get out there on the floor, you know, you’re not going to be lonely tonight or something, you know, to kind of build him back up.
Mr. Jones 1:03:40
So you gave him a dose of reality.
Mr. Jones 1:03:42
Yeah. How about you, Mrs. Jones?
Mrs. Jones 1:03:44
Yes, it’s happened and and of course, every time it happens – you know, it’s a different scenario. But, you know, I guess the thing that that people will need to understand is that, yeah, we have a podcast. We talk about our sexy stories and and then you know, Dave and Andi have a like a dating site for God’s sake. Like they should be professional daters. [Laughter]
Common misconception. [Laughter]
Mrs. Jones 1:04:06
But that- the – but we’re still people, and we still have the same insecurities and the same – I’m just going to say it – the same right to select the people we want to be with. You know, and and I – that’s, that’s just true for everybody, no matter what your situation is in the lifestyle, so you just have to, you know, politely decline because we we are pretty selective and and we try not to play on the first date and it’s super awkward when we’re hosting because, you know, we can’t just disappear in the middle of an event to go have sex with somebody, even if we want to, like, it just really isn’t – the timing’s not right.
Mr. Jones 1:04:44
So it wouldn’t be fair to ask you ladies without putting Dave on the spot. And just as a side note, I would
– I’ll cut this part out if you don’t want to leave it in. But Dave, have you ever made a gesture towards
another woman or helped another woman in some way to be polite and she’s taken that as the fact that she now has a crush on you, and she wants to be with you, I don’t know, but maybe like…
So, we did have a scenario. We were at an event and I helped a woman get over a fence. And…
Mr. Jones 1:05:12
Wait, wait, wait, wait. I can’t think of an event or a day where… Where was this…? Was it a prison, or what? [Laughter]
Mrs. Jones 1:05:22
Were you running from the law, or what were you doing?
It was a club.
Mrs. Jones 1:05:26
It was at a club, and they had they had their own pool. It was a pool area that had a fence around it. And the fence that she was trying to get out of was locked. So I was like, You want me to help you get over? So I lifted her up, like all 92 pounds of her and I set her down. And I was like, all right, well, you have a good night and I just left and then after that, I had a fan who basically said she could have sex with me and my wife that night, guaranteed. In her mind. And it just didn’t happen that way.
When you sat her down after lifting her over the fence, she had those little cartoon hearts and little… she’s like, Oh, yeah, and yeah, she just loved your little boyish grin.
Mr. Jones 1:06:09
You were her knight in shining armor.
Mr. Jones 1:06:12
Yeah. Okay, so it happens to the guys too.
Have you had it happen…?
Mrs. Jones 1:06:17
Whoa whoa whoa, Mr. Host?
Mr. Jones 1:06:19 Yeah.
Mrs. Jones 1:06:20 Okay. Tell…
Mr. Jones 1:06:21
Wait, I’m the one asking the questions here.
Mrs. Jones 1:06:22 Oh, no no no.
Mr. Jones 1:06:23
Okay, re-ask the question.
Mrs. Jones 1:06:24
So have you ever had somebody like, be too forward and you’ve had to backpedal a little bit?
Mr. Jones 1:06:33
You know, what’s funny about that? I just thought about this, and we were telling you guys this story yesterday. When I was dating, before you and I got married, and I was dating. I was Mr. Nice Guy.
Mrs. Jones 1:06:45 No.
Mr. Jones 1:06:46
I was, and it irritated me to no end, because my friends were coming to me and lying about how they were having one night stands with other women or girls. And I was – that’s what I wanted. I didn’t want to be the nice guy. And how I knew that I was the nice guy was because a lot of the girls that I dated, on the second date, they would want to take me home and introduce me to their mom. Because… I’m just… oh my gosh, this guy’s not out to get me or this is – the guy’s not a creep. My mom’s gonna like this one. I’m gonna take… no I don’t want to be that guy. I don’t want to be that guy. So here now I find myself at Desire, in the hot tub or at an event getting lap dances, you know, from women, time after time. And yeah, I mean, I kind of do the same thing that Andi was talking about, and that is – try to understand that first of all, the reality is they’re they’re probably attracted to Mr. Jones, and not, you know, me. I don’t know that for certain.
Mrs. Jones 1:07:50
Oh honey, you’re a hottie. Sorry.
Mr. Jones 1:07:51
But, but it’s but it’s the same way. I mean, I first of all, I appreciate when people approach me and if there is an expectation I think they quickly realize that, first of all, you’re not around and it takes four. And that I just try to have a conversation with them. And, you know if – and I guess something could develop, but but most of the time, I just am polite and talk back to them. And it just kind of goes away. And I don’t overreact to it. But yeah, I think it happens, but I would rather that happen, because here’s what you didn’t ask. And that is, have we had people come up to me later and say, You’re unapproachable or you’re intimidating, and I don’t want to come, you know, near you. So I would rather have people – and that’s a misperception, too, I hope. So I would rather have you misperceiving… and come and talk to me and have an expectation that’s not going to happen rather than stay off to the side and think, he’s too busy or he’s snotty or he’s whatever. And, you know, he doesn’t have time for me. So I’d rather it be that way. Did that answer your question?
Mrs. Jones 1:08:55
Yes, it did. Thank you.
Mr. Jones 1:08:56
Okay. So I think, first of all, we’ve had an amazing weekend. Thank you guys for hosting us. We, we use – we had this planned and we thought, let’s do a podcast together, because we don’t like doing remote podcasts. It’s better when we’re all four in person so we use that as an excuse to…
Mrs. Jones 1:09:17
Because somebody is a sound snob.
Mr. Jones 1:09:19
Yeah. Well, Dave has helped me with this awesome equipment that we have, that we’re recording with today.
So technically you have two sound snobs. You and me.
Mr. Jones 1:09:29
That’s right. Yeah, that’s right.
Mrs. Jones 1:09:31
We just show up and chat. Right, Andi?
That’s right. Exactly.
Mr. Jones 1:09:35
So anyway, let’s let’s wrap this up. And maybe I’ll just give last – I’ll kind of start wrapping up and you guys – give you time to think about what kind of words of wisdom for other people or how you would you would summarize this, but the bottom line is I think for me, is we all feel this, no matter if you’re new, no matter if you’re us, you know, we – as Dave was mentioning you get butterflies still when you see somebody approaching you, it never goes away. I don’t I don’t think. The other thing is that, you know, have the courage to interrupt that false narrative and allow the reality of the situation to come about. And then and then lastly, it doesn’t have to go to sex. Even if you do step in and you do have the courage and you do have a real story, you shouldn’t have an expectation that that’s going to go all the way to sex, full swap, play, whatever. It could be an opportunity to have a genuine conversation in real time with and learn something about some cool people that you didn’t know, possibly build a friendship. And whatever happens after that, or if nothing, then that’s what this is. So that’s how I would kind of sum things up. So what about what about you?
Mrs. Jones 1:10:48
I just think that you know, the voices in my head, do get the best of me. And, you know, I can feel insecure about the dumbest things. And and logically, I know they’re dumb, but at three o’clock in the morning, they’re pretty relevant. And and that’s a shame that you know, you you let that control your decision making. So I guess that’s the thing is, yeah, you’re we’re all allowed to have all that crap in our heads but, but try to not let that control the decisions that you make about who you approach or, or how you, you know, just tackle the lifestyle in general and don’t let it become a barrier between you and your partner.
Mr. Jones 1:11:29 Right. Dave?
So if I had to take away – my biggest thing from this would be that communication for me was the biggest help of getting over any of my insecurities. A majority of my insecurities when I talked to Andi about them, she would just tell me, like she she wouldn’t say they’re ridiculous. I don’t think she ever said that once. She goes, I understand why you would feel like that. And yeah, instead of trying to make me feel bad about it, she related to it. She told me stories that were similar to mine that I could relate to. So I think if any insecurities you have whether with another couple or with yourself, attempt to communicate as much as you can.
Mr. Jones 1:12:06
And President Andi, you get the last word.
Well, we see ourselves one way and everybody else sees us in a totally different way. And I think that that applies to everybody. Nobody’s really excluded from that. So just avoid overthinking. Don’t sit on something. If something’s on your mind, maybe talk to your partner about it, even if it’s about another couple, and just say, you know, do you think they’re thinking this? You think they’re looking at us like this? Most likely your partner’s gonna say something totally different. Just just ignore the voices in your head, because you don’t want to end up being your own clock blocker.
Mrs. Jones 1:12:43 Amen.
Mr. Jones 1:12:45
And that final word explains the title of tonight’s episode – Voices in My Head, and then Andi, throughout that we were talking about this yesterday, don’t be your own cock blocker. So that’s precisely what we do in these situations. So thank you guys for hosting us this weekend. And thank you for you know, being great friends and business partners. And we’re excited about what the four of us might have in store in the future together …
Mr. Jones 1:13:14 Business wise, and…
Mrs. Jones 1:13:16
We’re excited that DDN is so healthy and growing. And we just can’t wait to see how it all turns out.
Mr. Jones 1:13:22 Yeah. So until next time.
Mrs. Jones 1:13:28 And I’m Mrs. Jones.
Mr. Jones 1:13:29
I’m Mr. Jones and we’ll be right back with a couple of sexy snapshots. [Music]
Mrs. Jones 1:13:50
Okay, well, that was our conversation with Dave and Andi. And we hope you enjoyed it as much as we enjoyed having it with them.
Mr. Jones 1:13:58
I want to speak for Dave by saying that it was, it’s hard enough to sit across the desk from you and have a lucid conversation with the things that you wear during our podcast, but to have you and Andi… it was doubly difficult. But we, we just want to say we appreciate you guys. We appreciate your friendship and we’re looking forward to doing some really cool things together in 2020.
Mrs. Jones 1:14:25 Yes.
Mr. Jones 1:14:25
And beyond. But I wanted to say though, that when we did the workshop in Austin on the same topic,
Mrs. Jones 1:14:34
We kind of challenged everybody to, you know, take those voices in your head and and put them in the closet. And and actually take some action – like something that you would be normally too intimidated or shy or insecure to do and just just take a step, take a chance. And that was kind of like the the last lecture before the final exam which was Colette.
Mr. Jones 1:15:01
Yeah. So anyway, we were the evening was winding down at Colette. It was like two o’clock in the morning and a little bit before that we were on the dance floor. And this couple approached us and we danced with them. And you started…
Mrs. Jones 1:15:14
Oh, I more than danced with them.
Mr. Jones 1:15:15
Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, exactly. You did. Which is good. Good job, honey.
Mrs. Jones 1:15:21
Yeah, he was so handsome. He was fun to dance with. Yeah, yeah, I totally forgot to dance and just started kissing him after a while.
Mr. Jones 1:15:28
But we we danced together for a while, but then they told us that they had been interested in us but they were going to wait for us to make the first move until after our workshop. Then they decided that they needed to be the ones to make the move. So our topic actually paid dividends back to us.
Mrs. Jones 1:15:50 Good job honey.
Mr. Jones 1:15:53
It’s like return on investment.
Mrs. Jones 1:15:55
Well, and and i’m not discrediting what they did at all because I’m very proud of them. And I, you know, I’m glad that they had the courage to approach us. But I had pretty much already given them the green light the way that I was kissing them.
Mr. Jones 1:16:08
I know but, but back to the whole reason we did this topic. A lot of people are afraid to approach us or afraid to even talk to us about that, because they’re assuming that we’re too busy or not available, or we’re not in their league, which is ridiculous.
Mrs. Jones 1:16:23
Most of them are not in our league.
Mr. Jones 1:16:24
So I didn’t think of it that way. But it was so totally self serving of us to do that topic. And I was glad that it worked out the way that it did. Okay, well, let’s move into snapshots then.
Mrs. Jones 1:16:35
Okay, well, snapshots. You’re only going to let me have one. Like we’ve had the most incredible weekend in our rearview mirror and I can only have one.
Mr. Jones 1:16:46 I didn’t say that.
Mrs. Jones 1:16:47
Okay. Well, I’m just going to start out by asking you a question. What episode was sixsome is the new foursome?
Mr. Jones 1:16:57
I don’t know. I think …it might be…
Mrs. Jones 1:17:00
So, 70 episodes it took for you to stop memorizing episode numbers.
Mrs. Jones 1:17:06
Yeah, it was in our first ten. Mrs. Jones 1:17:07
It was. It was a long time ago.
Mr. Jones 1:17:09
I think it might have been eight.
Mrs. Jones 1:17:11
So the past two times we’ve played have been sixsomes. Have you – Did you even like acknowledge that in your head?
Mr. Jones 1:17:20 I did indeed.
Mrs. Jones 1:17:23
And both of them were really fun.
Mr. Jones 1:17:24 They were.
Mrs. Jones 1:17:27
I don’t know, I kind of like the fact that you’re… it takes – I think it takes the pressure off of everybody. You know, you can just kind of like, navigate your way around and have the opportunity to interact with everyone and, and if something isn’t clicking, you know, right there in the moment, it’s easier for you to kind of like not remove yourself necessarily, but to just kind of like, mentally regroup and get yourself back together and and you know, ready to dive back in, so to speak. [Laughs]
Mr. Jones 1:18:00
I think it’s important for us to say that both of those times we were with people that we were good friends with. And that everybody knew everybody else. And that there was equal across the board enthusiasm and attraction.
Mrs. Jones 1:18:15
Yeah. And both sixsomes, the six of us had not played together before. You know what I mean, that was the first like, of that arrangement, I guess, so to speak. But I thought it worked well.
Mr. Jones 1:18:31
Well, we’re gonna have to debrief because we we know both couples, so we need to debrief with them to see what they liked and didn’t like, in case we get the opportunity to do it again.
Mrs. Jones 1:18:40
Yeah. One of one of them, we did not instigate. The other one, we did instigate.
Mr. Jones 1:18:48 Totally.
Mrs. Jones 1:18:48
And I was really nervous about it. Mr. Jones 1:18:52
All four of them are good friends.
Mrs. Jones 1:18:53
Yeah. And like, so when you’re when you’re the instigator of group play, like how do you know that people aren’t just being polite and saying yes, and you know, oh, this will probably be okay. But you know, how how do you know how confident they are that it’s going to be a good experience? It stresses me out.
Mr. Jones 1:19:12
Well, not only that, but in the situation that we just had, like, you and I were talking about it, and we said, Do you think the four of them would like this? And I said, I think so. But when you said, how do we go about doing this? And I said, you gotta go talk to her. And you – but the irony is you went over to talk to her, the her and one couple. The other couple the gentleman just had when you walked away, he came up and started talking to me about going back to the hotel, and I said, um, what do you think about this idea, and I just threw it out. Then he goes, let me go talk to my wife. And so while you were talking to the other couple, the female from the other couple, I was talking to him and he went back to talk to his wife. So I’m watching all this play out in front of me.
Mrs. Jones 1:19:29
And then the other wife came over and then it was the three ladies, and so I said, so what does everybody think about this? And they were like, let’s go.
Mr. Jones 1:20:07
Yeah. Because her husband came back to me and said, We are an enthusiastic Yes.
Mrs. Jones 1:20:15
I don’t even know which couple you’re talking about. You’re gonna have to tell me later. No, it worked out well. And I, I, you know, it is a lot of pressure to orchestrate that stuff. And you know, maybe that’s all the voices in your head stuff, you know, like, making assumptions.
Mr. Jones 1:20:33
Well, it was easy. And we knew that it was going to be easy. And we don’t want to put our friends in a position where they’re going to be uncomfortable and awkward. And we knew that these four people were vocal enough to say something if they didn’t really want to do it. And we trusted both couples.
Mrs. Jones 1:20:50
Yeah. And we knew that we knew them well enough that they would say, um, I’m not sure. Why don’t you just – why don’t the four of you just go ahead.
Mr. Jones 1:20:57
Yeah, and I think the only drawback is when we get finished We always think, I wish I would have spent more time with that person. Because you can’t like divide your time up equally.
Mrs. Jones 1:21:05
I know you kind of like do the instant replay in your head and you’re like, Oh, you know, I really kind of ended up ignoring so and so. And it wasn’t for lack of interest. It’s just the dynamic.
Mr. Jones 1:21:17
I don’t know if you realize this, but this was a soft swap sixsome too.
Mrs. Jones 1:21:21 Yes.
Mr. Jones 1:21:22
So which made it a whole lot easier.
Mrs. Jones 1:21:24
Yeah, I think um, I think that’s what I really liked about it. Because there was like, no pressure. It was just all fun. And, and there might have been a really fun sex toy involved.
Mr. Jones 1:21:37
That’s true. Yeah, it was a lot of fun. So, anyway, we’ll just call that like a collaborative snapshot.
Mrs. Jones 1:21:45 Okay, good. Phew.
Mr. Jones 1:21:46
I’ll do mine and then you do yours. Okay.
Mrs. Jones 1:21:49
Cuz I’m kind of excited about mine.
Mr. Jones 1:21:51 Mine is not sexual.
Mrs. Jones 1:21:52
No, yours is awesome, though. Cuz I know what yours is.
Mr. Jones 1:21:55
Yeah. So when we were at Austin, …you, Mrs. Jones did so much work to get this weekend in order. While I did nothing.
Mrs. Jones 1:22:08
That’s not true. You did a lot. Oh, can I? Can I do a little tangent? So the one administrative thing Mr. Jones said that he would help me with were the name tags. I actually print out name tags.
Mr. Jones 1:22:21
I don’t want to talk about this.
Mrs. Jones 1:22:24
And you know that I have the like little lanyards and everything and because we encourage people to wear their name tags all weekend, it has their first names on them and, and then their, their community profile names that, you know, they use as people had gotten to know each other before the event. So anyway, he said, Honey, you have so much to do, I’ll type those up for you. So I’m like, Oh, that is so amazing. And I already had em from Nashville. So he just had to – so the template was there…
Mr. Jones 1:22:50
Don’t say ‘I just had to’. You make it sound like it was so simple.
Mrs. Jones 1:22:56
Well, he worked for two hours, one Sunday afternoon. Got them all done. And then what happened?
Mr. Jones 1:23:04
Well, I guess I forgot to click the Save button. It reverted back to the to the Nashville names instead of the Austin names. And I had to start over.
Mrs. Jones 1:23:14
I felt so terrible for you. Because you don’t have a lot of free time…. that was a big sacrifice you made
Mr. Jones 1:23:22
I only made one mistake. I had actually a husband and wife in different groups accidentally. Anyway, you you anyway, you did all this work before the weekend, we’re both a little bit stressed, but that we want to make sure everybody has a good time. And we’re charging money for this. And we you know, people are spending their time and their resources and we just feel so obligated, you know, to do this, right. So, you know, by the time we get there and and we’re going through and finally, Saturday afternoon comes, and Saturday night is kind of the, you know, the final exam like you said.
Mrs. Jones 1:23:58
Yeah, just let-your-hair-down party.
Mr. Jones 1:24:00
So we have good friends that came to us and they said, Look, we made reservations for four at a speakeasy right after your workshop and before dinner, if you guys have time, just meet us there. And we were like, Oh my gosh, we really want to do that. But is our workshop going to be done in time and you know, we don’t want to keep ’em waiting. So anyway, we finished and we said, we’ll be there in 10 minutes and we walked across the street to the super super cool speakeasy where you had to know a combination to get in.
Mrs. Jones 1:24:14
There was literally an iron gate. This is like going down this alley, that you had to punch in the code and…
Mr. Jones 1:24:39
Yeah, so we go downstairs and we gave them our names and they took us to the table and it was almost pitch black in there. It was all underground, no windows, all candles, and low lighting and, and cocktails. And as soon as we walked in and sat down next to them, it was like, first of all, huge weight had been lifted from our shoulders because the weekend was almost over and then to sit there with them and just be us instead of being the Joneses was so therapeutic. It was so meaningful and thoughtful. And anyway my snapshot is just remembering how comfortable it was to go down there and see them and just sit there and then kind of just you know, decompress and just enjoy that hour together hour and a half together before we went to dinner.
Mrs. Jones 1:25:26
I know and the place was so cool. I mean, I had I had two cocktails. I had a tequila cocktail and I had a gin cocktail and and you know, we’re just sitting there with them and and didn’t talk about We Gotta Thing at all, you know, we were just we were ourselves and I’m sitting next to her like incredibly handsome husband and and we’re just laughing and talking and and actually actually you and I had a little bit of crap we were dealing with like personal stuff and and we just kind of unloaded it on them and then they just listened and then just you know – They’re just real friends. They’re real friends, and they’re not they’re not lifestyle friends. They’re real friends. With lifestyle benefits. [Laughs]
Mr. Jones 1:26:12 I hope so.
Mrs. Jones 1:26:12
Yeah. So we just are just so appreciative of that – it was just like a respite in the middle of all of this controlled chaos and and that was a really awesome gift for them to give us.
Mr. Jones 1:26:26
And you two had kind of a moment – you and she had a kind of a moment at the club didn’t you? What was going on there?
Mrs. Jones 1:26:33
So yeah, so we get to the club and, and our theme was black and white night – that was kind of a pretty cool theme. And I think everybody participated in some fashion. So I showed up with like black thigh high boots and a white satin club dress, which was actually – I could probably wear that on cruise. It’s, it’s appropriate enough. But I had brought something sluttier to change into and normally I don’t change at clubs. It’s just not my thing. I, I love women that do and I love seeing what they change into and how sexy they get and, and that’s just never been my deal but I brought an outfit with me and she knew it. I guess I had told her and she held me accountable. She said, Go get your stuff and meet me in the bathroom.
Mr. Jones 1:27:22 Really?
Mrs. Jones 1:27:22
Yes. So I had to go get my…
Mr. Jones 1:27:25
She’s responsile for that?
Mrs. Jones 1:27:26
Oh, totally. Because I wouldn’t have done it. I mean that that little skirt metallic black skirt and and then I had like a sheer, like mesh bodysuit that I was going to change into and, and she made me go get them out of my bag. And she met me in the bathroom and waited outside the dressing room until I changed. I had no choice but to change.
Mr. Jones 1:27:50 Wow.
Mrs. Jones 1:27:51
Mr. Jones 1:27:52
So I saw you thank her for that a couple of times.
Mrs. Jones 1:27:56
She’s a good friend. [Laughs] Though that was really fun, and I was glad, you know, I you need, you need people like that to, first of all know your limits and second of all, help you push up against those limits to help you grow, and and have as much fun as you could, you know potentially have, and you know, I guess I did let my hair down a little bit more once my boobs were hanging out.
Mr. Jones 1:28:22
So it sounds like I owe her a debt of gratitude.
Mrs. Jones 1:28:25 Possibly.
Mr. Jones 1:28:27
Well, you know how smitten I am with her. So, I don’t think it’ll be a problem.
Mrs. Jones 1:28:31
Yeah, you are. Just a little bit.
Mr. Jones 1:28:34
Yeah, so thank you guys. That was that was really special and you know, not very sexy. But But again, it was just very meaningful and special.
Mrs. Jones 1:28:42
Yep. You need that in your life.
Mr. Jones 1:28:45
So do you have a you have one more?
Mrs. Jones 1:28:48
Yeah. It’s gonna be boring though. Because it’s only about a foursome.
Mr. Jones 1:28:52 Oh, okay. Yeah.
Mrs. Jones 1:28:55 Just kidding.
Mr. Jones 1:28:56
Interesting how your perspective changes.
Mrs. Jones 1:28:59
So you and I were playing the dumb card game with a couple. And you you know, you’re famous for pooh poohing the dumb card game, calling it the dumb card game.
Mr. Jones 1:29:12
We need to thank the folks…
Mrs. Jones 1:29:14
Which is actually called The Game of Lifestyle.
Mr. Jones 1:29:17
They send us some free decks that we gave away at Austin. So, thank you guys for that.
Mrs. Jones 1:29:22
Actually I one couple a deck. They’re coming to Desire with us. So they might have to wait for Desire to get it, but… They won a game and I couldn’t find them to give them their cards. Anyway, we were playing the dumb card game. We had switched from the icebreaker conversation deck to the to the good stuff.
Mr. Jones 1:29:42 To the verbs.
Mrs. Jones 1:29:43
Yes. So we were doing action cards. And it had gone back and forth a couple times. And I drew a card or he drew a card. I can’t remember. But basically, I was supposed to like tittie fuck him.
Mr. Jones 1:30:00
Which, by the way you’ve never done for me.
Mrs. Jones 1:30:02
Okay, that’s part of my snapshot.
Mr. Jones 1:30:04 Okay, I’ll shut up.
Mrs. Jones 1:30:05
So I was like, eee yeah, well, you know, I don’t think I can do that. And we were also clothed at this point. So at first he was sitting on a sofa. So at first I just got down on my knees between…
Mr. Jones 1:30:15
Can we explain why you’ve had difficulty doing that?
Mrs. Jones 1:30:18
Because I don’t have big boobs.
Mr. Jones 1:30:19
Well, your boobs are not it’s it’s that just your your… There’s a lot of space between them.
Mrs. Jones 1:30:26
Yeah, my boobs are not the kind that are close together. I actually have a like, a lot of Yeah, there’s a lot of space between them. I have like, you know, the breast bone. Yeah. So – and they’re not big. And the
last time I tried to do it was – because I had no boobs before I got my boob job. I mean, I was an A, want to be B girl. And then you know, now I’m a little bit bigger but not much. And the first time we tried it, we were like, Oh my gosh, like I have boobs now. Maybe we can actually try this. But my boobs were new. And like when you first get breast implants, you know, there’s just a lot of swelling and such and…
Mr. Jones 1:31:08
Settling that needs to occur.
Mrs. Jones 1:31:09
Yeah, it takes a while for them to like, loosen up and settle into place. And I think we tried it too soon and it didn’t work. So we were like, Oh, well, they look good. They’re not they’re not useful for that purpose. Still, but but they look good. So anyway, we we never really tried it again. And then I drew this card, and I was supposed to do this. So at first, I was just kind of goofing around. And I think, I think I had maybe lingerie on but he still had clothes on. So I was just kind of like rubbing up against him or whatever. Well, all of a sudden, I think the game stopped.
Mr. Jones 1:31:28
As it often does. As soon as we get to the action cards.
Mrs. Jones 1:31:48
So then the clothes come off. And you and his wife, were starting to do your own thing. And I’m like, Well, now that everything’s open and free, let me try this again. And I was able to do it.
Mr. Jones 1:32:01 I know.
Mrs. Jones 1:32:01 For real.
Mr. Jones 1:32:02 I know
Mrs. Jones 1:32:03
Like it was so hot. Oh my god.
Mr. Jones 1:32:06
So you owe me now. 35 years I’ve been waiting for this.
Mrs. Jones 1:32:09
You know what? That was a while ago and I still haven’t done it to you. We’ll put that on the to do list for tonight.
Mr. Jones 1:32:18
Oh, okay. I feel better now.
Mrs. Jones 1:32:20
Okay. But yeah, so that’s how it started. And then, I don’t know that just I don’t know if it like, boosted my confidence or maybe because like…
Mr. Jones 1:32:29
He didn’t finish there, did he?
Mrs. Jones 1:32:32
No. Then I climbed on top of him. And I kind of maybe abused him. Like, I just was crazy that night.
Mr. Jones 1:32:40
Let me just put your mind at ease, honey. When you’re on top of a guy bouncing up and down, there’s no abuse in his mind. You’re using the wrong word. Because I’ve seen you and you put your arms up in the air and you just like start…
Mrs. Jones 1:32:42
That was so fun. Yeah, it – and you know that – you and I just recently talked about this and, and it’s sometimes rare where you can completely let your hair down with somebody. And I think that’s going to end up being a topic. That we’re going to talk about in the near future.
Mr. Jones 1:33:18 Okay. Write that down.
Mrs. Jones 1:33:19 Yeah. I got it.
Mr. Jones 1:33:20 Letting your hair down.
Mrs. Jones 1:33:21 I got it. Yeah.
Mr. Jones 1:33:22
Because I, you’re right. We talked about this on the way to Costco yesterday.
Mrs. Jones 1:33:26
Oh, that’s right. Yes. Costco trips are sexy.
Mr. Jones 1:33:31
Because I have a much easier time letting go and connecting with another woman than you do with letting go and connecting with another man.
Mrs. Jones 1:33:42
Yeah, yeah. That makes me sound like a dud, but
Mr. Jones 1:33:44
It’s not the other man. It’s…
Mrs. Jones 1:33:47
It’s my own head. Yeah. I have voices in my head for sure.
Mr. Jones 1:33:51
Yes, Mrs. Jones. Pay attention. Okay, well, it was a fun weekend. Lots of snapshots and we just before we close up, we just want to say that, you know, please stop by our website if you are interested in attending one of our future events or if you want to join our community. We have a new community feature now.
Mrs. Jones 1:34:18
That’s right. We’re getting ready to do it this Thursday night.
Mr. Jones 1:34:20
So yeah, so our membership community comes with access to a main chat group and some sub chat groups on different topics, but we are going to start doing a monthly chat. And this has come about because of two things – because of all the chatting you ladies do in the ladies group. And because the book club that you’re in where we you guys use Zoom, and all the ladies show up and everybody’s on screen and talking about the book. So we’re so we’re going to use that technology and we’ve done a dry run on a group of people. We’re going to do a topic every month and we’re going to have couples come together.
Mrs. Jones 1:34:54
It’s going to be basically a Q&A session. You know, live. We’re not gonna to record it. So it’ll be a safe place of a safe controlled environment, you know, where you can just kind of talk about whatever you want to talk about.
Mr. Jones 1:35:08
Because the real value in our community is really not getting access to us. It’s getting access to other people like yourselves, where you can have these conversations and ask these questions.
Mrs. Jones 1:35:17
Right. And that’s what I was noticing in Austin. You know, people sharing stories and asking questions and providing feedback. So yeah, we’re going to do it virtually.
Mr. Jones 1:35:27
Right. So you know, just go to our website at wegottathing.com and you can join our community if you’re interested. Also, don’t forget that you can try, speaking of Dave and Andi, Double Date, Nation, or Kasidie for three months for free. So just come to our website and sign up through there. And give them a try. And then don’t forget about Podcast-A-Palooza. We’ve mentioned that at the outset.
Mrs. Jones 1:35:52
And don’t forget about Desire, you can book your Desire trip through us. We can even offer some rooms at a discount. If you go to our website that’ll explain it much easier than I can do it right now, so take a look.
Mr. Jones 1:36:05
Yes and please email us at [email protected]
Mrs. Jones 1:36:11
Or me at [email protected],
Mr. Jones 1:36:15
Or you can go to our website at wegottathing.com and click on the Contact Us button and contact us through our website. Or you can follow us on Twitter. Anything else?
Mrs. Jones 1:36:26
I think we just talked a lot.
Mr. Jones 1:36:29 We did.
Mrs. Jones 1:36:29
We had a lot of fun that we just had to get out.
Mr. Jones 1:36:31
I know. Now it’s time to go open a bottle of wine and have some steak. So thanks for listening. We are Mr. and Mrs. Jones and we got a thing.
Mrs. Jones 1:36:39
What’s your thing? [Music]