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Erectile Dysfunction and Performance Anxiety are often misunderstood by many in the lifestyle. Numerous couples experience this issue but don’t take the time to acknowledge, openly discuss, research and confront the issue head on.
Normally us guys would rather get a prescription for a performance enhancing medicine but never understand and treat the underlying health and psychological issues.
Mr Night returns to give us his professional opinion and we share our views as an experienced lifestyle couple.[/vc_column_text][/vc_column][/vc_row][vc_row][vc_column][vc_tta_accordion][vc_tta_section title=”Episode Transcript ” tab_id=”1591017854731-e507f253-38c2″][vc_column_text]Mr. Jones 0:01
This podcast contains explicit language and content and is for mature audiences only.
Mrs. Jones 0:06
Hey, you teenagers out there, if you’re under 18 this show is more for your parents. So now that
you have that mental picture stuck in your head, put some music on and get back to doing your
homework.
Mr. Jones 0:17
We are a longtime married couple who’s decided to chronicle our personal adventures and share our
sex positive discussions as we navigate our way through the swinging lifestyle.
Mrs. Jones 0:27
Care to join us? [Music]
Mr. Jones 0:46
Hello, everyone. I’m Mr. Jones.
Mrs. Jones 0:48
And I’m Mrs. Jones and we want to welcome you to Episode 75 of the We Gotta Thing podcast.
Mr. Jones 0:53
Welcome to 75. Is this like – what kind of anniversary stone is this? Diamond?
Mrs. Jones 0:59
I think Diamond. Yeah.
Mr. Jones 1:01 Cool.
Mrs. Jones 1:01
All right, three quarters of the way there. So what are we gonna do we hit 100? It’s gonna be like,
okay…
Mr. Jones 1:07 Whatever.
Mrs. Jones 1:07 We must plan 101.
Mr. Jones 1:09
Once a month, we’re never gonna get there.
Mrs. Jones 1:11
I know. Well no, that’s only two more years.
Mr. Jones 1:14
So here we are in the – in the drudgery of the pandemic.
Mrs. Jones 1:18
I was really confident when we recorded last month that that would be the pandemic episode.
Mr. Jones 1:24
We’re seeing the light at the end of the tunnel.
Mrs. Jones 1:26
Yeah, I’m getting my hair done on Tuesday.
Mr. Jones 1:28
I got my haircut this week too.
Mrs. Jones 1:31
It’s exciting. We still can’t eat in restaurants yet, but we get our hair done.
Mr. Jones 1:35
Now, I was glad to get back to my regular hairdresser because she has much better bedside manner
than you do.
Mrs. Jones 1:41
Hey, but I did a good job. I cut your hair twice.
Mr. Jones 1:45
You did. It’s not that it’s the…
Mrs. Jones 1:46
The first time was a little dicey.
Mr. Jones 1:48
But you complained about it.
Mrs. Jones 1:49
I think I said, oh shit. As soon as I took the clippers to like the back of your skull and I
started going up, I was like, oh shit.
Mr. Jones 1:55 I know. But…
Mrs. Jones 1:56
And then you just wanted to get up and scream.
Mr. Jones 1:58
You don’t want to help me at all. You You’re not interested at all. You don’t want to help me groom
my back because I can’t reach back there. You’re always just nasty about it.
Mrs. Jones 2:06
Do you know why? You know when you asked me to do it?
Mr. Jones 2:09 No.
Mrs. Jones 2:09
When we’re getting ready to go somewhere.
Mr. Jones 2:11
No, I always give you advance notice now. I say sometime in the next four days, and then at some
time in the next three days or sometime in the next two days, and you won’t tell me when, so I just
get the stool and I sit in the middle of the bathroom until you do it.
Mrs. Jones 2:23
I know. Yeah, I mean the dog’s laying in the middle of the bathroom sleeping. You take the stool
and put it in the middle. And you just sat down with the clippers plugged in with them up – you
look like the Statue of Liberty. You’re sitting there with the clippers up in your hand.
Mr. Jones 2:37
Right. And when and when I go to my regular hairstylist, she actually enjoys seeing me and she
enjoys cutting my hair.
Mrs. Jones 2:43
Well, you’re paying her.
Mr. Jones 2:44
Well, whatever. I don’t care.
Mrs. Jones 2:49 Oh my gosh.
Mr. Jones 2:50
Yeah. You don’t care about any of my – in the shower we have -I think you have about 10 or 12
bottles of hair product in the shower.
Mrs. Jones 2:59 No, I do not.
Mr. Jones 3:00 Yes you do.
Mrs. Jones 3:01 I do not.
Mr. Jones 3:02 Yes you do.
Mrs. Jones 3:03
It’s probably more for my skin than my hair. My hair – I have shampoo and conditioner, and if it
was running low I might put like a new bottle in there.
Mr. Jones 3:11
Well here, I have – you have 10 and I have one. And mine is all in one. You buy me the Costco brand
big ol jug and it’ll do your hair, your conditioner, you can body wash with it.
Mrs. Jones 3:15 No you can’t.
Mr. Jones 3:25
You can shave with it. You can mouthwash with it. You can brush your teeth with it. You just get me
the cheapest…
Mrs. Jones 3:36 No I don’t.
Mr. Jones 3:36
…all in one thing.
Mrs. Jones 3:37
I buy you the Pantene stuff.
Mr. Jones 3:40
Whatever is the cheapest is what you get me.
Mrs. Jones 3:41
Well, right now I don’t even know what you’re using because I had to order it from Amazon because
we – they – yeah.
Mr. Jones 3:47
Anyway, the barber shops are back open, so I think that’s a good sign.
Mrs. Jones 3:50 Saved our marriage.
Mr. Jones 3:51 Yeah, definitely.
Mrs. Jones 3:52 Oh my gosh.
Mr. Jones 3:53
So there’s really not a lot to talk about. It’s been kind of depressing, but we’ll talk more about
that later. Last month we talked about health and wellness. And we had Mr. and Mrs. Night on our
podcast. They’ve come back this month and we’re going to talk about…
Mrs. Jones 4:11
Oh, yeah, we haven’t even like said the title of the episode. It’s confronting men’s performance
issues.
Mr. Jones 4:17 Yeah, that’s a lot.
Mrs. Jones 4:18
Yeah, it is a lot. But it’s also I think, important. And we already did an episode on performance
anxiety, like a few years ago. And, you know, I think that was – it was a good episode, because it
was about – it’s a story about what happened to us. With some friends of ours, and the four of us
actually debrief together. This is a completely different spin on it. And what I like about this is
it kind of addresses performance issues in general, it – I mean, we talk about erectile
dysfunction. We talk about performance anxiety, we talk about the things that can trigger
performance issues, so we kind of look at it holistically and kind of set up the different
scenarios or categories that you could fall into if you ever find yourself struggling…
Mr. Jones 5:05
And how to overcome it.
Mrs. Jones 5:05
Right. Right. Right. And we also try to talk about it from a woman’s point of view on how we can
support you and keep it from escalating into something more than it needs to be.
Mr. Jones 5:18
Yes. So before we get to that though, we need to scoot along because as soon as we’re done
recording we have another weekly We Gotta Thing community Zoom chat.
Mrs. Jones 5:27
I know. Those have been really fun. We’ve been doing like Friday night happy hours. And it’s really
been fun.
Mr. Jones 5:34
It’s the only way we see other sexy people.
Mrs. Jones 5:36
Yeah, so we’re still doing em. I know we talked about it on our last episode. And we have all of
these like little like spring off Zoom chats that are happening now. It’s been pretty fun, like,
the ladies get together every Thursday night. And I’ve never been able to jump in on one. We’ve
always had something going on or it’s too late or whatever. And I’ve never jumped in on one, but
I’m pretty sure they have a lot of fun just by the chatter that goes on afterwards. Oh my goodness.
Mr. Jones 6:05
Yeah, so – but before we get to our main topic, we wanted to, we just, we just are sending out our
most recent newsletter. And if you don’t subscribe, you can go to our website and subscribe. We do
a monthly feature called FAQs, so frequently asked questions to the Joneses. And the one that we
addressed this week, we wanted to just talk about briefly and that is when and how we will reengage
in the lifestyle. So as we’re talking about nothing, because we haven’t done anything, and we’re
talking about the light at the end of the tunnel, all of a sudden people are talking about, okay,
clubs are starting to open back up and resorts are starting to say when they’re going to open back
up, and we’re thinking about seeing friends and so how and when are we going to re engage in the
lifestyle?
Mrs. Jones 6:55
You know, that’s a that’s a great question, and I’m just gonna put it out there right now. I’m not
very brave. I’m not sitting at home wringing my hands, you know, like, Chicken Little thinking the
sky is gonna fall in, but I’m also very respectful of this virus. And I don’t want to be part of
the problem. You know, I want to be part of the solution. So we’re trying to think of a, you know,
a responsible way to reengage and how we’re going to do that and how we’re going to support
businesses that we feel are taking it seriously but also trying to get back – ha ha – into the
swing of things because this is their livelihood. And we want to support that.
Mr. Jones 7:33
Exactly. So let’s talk about when, or excuse me, let’s talk about how first. How are we? Because
what we’re thinking about doing – okay, as we’re recording this, it is towards the end of May. And
we are thinking about going and spending a weekend with some very good lifestyle friends that
we’ve known for a long time, and that we’re good friends with and that we trust. So our way of
re-engaging is going to be starting that way with with just a couple that we know.
Mrs. Jones 8:04
Right. And I don’t think their area of the country is very open either. I think it’s slowly opening
as well. So we probably won’t be venturing out much either.
Mr. Jones 8:13
Well, the good news, the bad news is we won’t be able to get out of the house and do much. But the
good news is we won’t be able to get out of the house and do much. We’ll just have to keep each
other company.
Mrs. Jones 8:22 That’s right.
Mr. Jones 8:24
And then I think what we’re going to do is we have a Desire Pearl trip planned for the first week
of August – second week, second week of August. So that’s in what, May, June July – three months?
Mrs. Jones 8:38 Yeah.
Mr. Jones 8:39
So we’re gonna – we’re planning to do that. And then we have Podcast-a-Palooza in October, which
will be the first big event that we go to. And then we are going to have our We Gotta Thing trip to
Pearl in November.
Mrs. Jones 8:54
Right. So I’m really glad that we have this trip booked in August so that we can go kind of find
the new vibe of how Desire is gonna handle everything and, and then you and I can kind of plan
accordingly on how we’re gonna, you know, help our group have the best time that they can have.
Mr. Jones 9:14
Yeah, we’re not gonna hit Naughty in New Orleans this year. But that’s more because we hadn’t
planned on doing that anyway. And I noticed that they bumped their date back a little bit anyway.
So anyway, how we are going to reengage is going to be with close friends first, then it’s going to
be a trip to Desire in August. And then it’s going to be the larger events in October and November,
and we’re going to play all that by ear. I mean, it’s May. No idea what that looks like.
Mrs. Jones 9:40
Right. So, you know, we’ve had people ask us for advice on how, you know, do you think it’s okay to
do this? Do you think it’s okay to do that? Of course, it’s just like the lifestyle in general.
It’s a very personal decision. I mean, we’re talking about your health, and you’re the only one
that can really make that decision. So just make sure that you’re well informed. Some clubs are
doing a really good job of informing people – like their websites, and they’re sending out emails.
And, you know, this is how we’re addressing the safety concerns. And this is how we’re doing our
best to ensure that you’re going to have a you know, a safe and healthy experience.
Mr. Jones 10:20
Let’s go ahead and call it out. It’s Colette. I mean, Colette has been doing a very good job of
sending out information on what’s going to be different, how they’re concerned about safety, what
kind of processes and measures they’re putting into place. So they’ve been very communicative
during this time.
Mrs. Jones 10:36
And they polled their clients to see, you know, what kind of comfort level or what the clients are
looking for moving forward.
Mr. Jones 10:44
So I think if you think about it, the environment in a club, close proximity, so social distancing,
is a little difficult, a lot of heavy breathing, you know, so the club environment is probably the
toughest environment that we imagine ourselves doing early on as we get back into this. But we
don’t have clubs around us. So it’s not, you know, it’s not that big of a deal for us.
Mrs. Jones 11:10
No, but like, if we were club people it would be it would be really a difficult decision, you know,
on how, how you’re going to manage that and how you’re going to act when you’re actually there.
Mr. Jones 11:25
So I think the next question is when, and this is really a hot topic because we are getting
bombarded with information every day. We’re getting information from the federal government. We’re
getting information from state governments. We’re getting information from local governments and
municipalities. We’re getting information from businesses in our area. Every business that we’ve
been into, there’s a different process, you have to stop and read the sign out front. You have to
know who’s requiring masks and you see the tape on the floor. So everybody is handling this, but it
could be a different way depending on where you live in the country or where you live in the world.
Mrs. Jones 12:06
Right. Right. You know, of course, everybody knows that, you know, like the West Coast, you know,
Seattle was, you know, the first hard hit city and then, you know, New York just got devastated by
it. You know, a lot of places in the Midwest been relatively untouched. So, you
know, they’re, they’re very fortunate. So, you know, the idea of them re engaging, probably is much
less scary. Just like a couple days ago, they announced that like, the Washington DC area is like
the new hot spot in the country. You know, so we like, luckily, we’re far enough south from the
city that our county is actually starting to re engage a little bit, but like everything north of
us is still locked down tight.
Mr. Jones 12:34
I think the mistake that people can make be making is, first of all, you can’t depend on everybody.
I mean, we’re hoping that most of the community gets out and takes precautions and wears masks and
is sensible and smart about it. But we know that’s not gonna happen everywhere. So you have to
understand, where do you live? Do your own research, understand the risk in your local area or the
area that you’re planning to visit, and make an informed decision and try not to be influenced by
politics or any other entity that’s trying to make something more out of this or make something
other than what is health centric. This is a health crisis. We are in the lifestyle, we’re going to
be in close proximity with people. We should be – we should be like torchbearers in this because
we’re all about STIs and health and communication and testing. So why would it be any different?
Mrs. Jones 12:53 Being responsible.
Mr. Jones 12:58
Right. Being responsible. So why would it be any different re-engaging in the lifestyle during a
pandemic? We should be the ones that are setting the example of, hey, let’s understand this, let’s
be smart about it. Let’s put sex where it belongs, behind our health and not in front of it, and
not make it any other issue than that. And I think that’s going to be our approach to it.
Mrs. Jones 14:18
Yeah. It’ll be interesting to see how it rolls out. The whole when thing is just so – it’s so iffy.
You know, like, the irrational scared part of my mind is like, I’m not going out until there’s a
vaccine. You know, but then I realize you can’t just sit in the house for the rest of your life.
You’ve got to re-engage. I mean, we, socially, we’re social beings, we need to be with other
people. And we need to, you know, support our local businesses and our local lifestyle businesses.
Mr. Jones 14:51
I mean, look, we have to get out and live life. We just have to learn how to do it safely and
responsibly. We can’t stay cooped up forever. But when we get back, we just can’t go back to things
the way that they were immediately. It’s gonna – we all – I think we’re all starting to understand
that.
Mrs. Jones 15:07
Right, so we just have to have a healthy respect for this virus.
Mr. Jones 15:10
Yeah. So before we get into our topic, one more thing. I mean, how has this break affected us?
Mrs. Jones 15:20
You mean affected the lifestyle community in general or us individually?
Mr. Jones 15:24
Yeah. I mean, us, us individually. Well, I don’t know. We’re getting – we’re getting feedback from
our community. Like, it’s been a couple of months before – since we’ve been with other people,
maybe longer. So do we lose your mojo or do you…?
Mrs. Jones 15:41
Well, I think we mentioned last month that we had family with us kind of riding out the, the
quarantine and so we’ve we’ve lost our empty nest. They’re still here. Our nest is still not empty.
So I kind of thought maybe I was losing my mojo because I’ve gone back into mom mode, which is
weird for me because, you know, our girls are older. It’s not like they just graduated from college
and we kicked them out. So, you know, it’s just weird having family back in the house, right? And
that’s kind of kind of thrown me off a little bit. So I kind of thought it was just me and our
personal situation in our home. And don’t get me wrong. I love having them here. I mean, it’s been
great, but…
Mr. Jones 16:30
I like having them here. I don’t love having them here.
Mrs. Jones 16:33
I love having them here.
Mr. Jones 16:34 Anyway, go ahead.
Mrs. Jones 16:35
Oh, you do too. You’re so full of it. But anyway, it does, you know, we can’t walk around the house
in sexy stuff. We have to come down here and hide, and, you know, and all that, so I thought well,
okay, well, that’s caused me to kind of lose my my momentum, my mojo, but then you know, been
talking to other lifestyle friends and I’ve been getting feedback from our listeners, and I think a
lot of people feel that way that haven’t had their house kind of disrupted like we have.
Mr. Jones 17:02
So not only are – you haven’t been on the bike for a while, and you might be a little rusty and
your flirt game might be off, but we’re in a different mindset now. We have been basically stuck in
the house for several months, and many of us more. We’ve been working here, we’ve been socializing
here, we’ve been eating here, we’ve been sleeping here. We’ve been everything in
here. We’ve been focused on work, we’ve been focused on staying healthy, we’re focused on family,
we’re focused on getting schoolwork done for kids that are here and they shouldn’t be here.
Mrs. Jones 17:34
But a lot of people are stressed about money because money is really, you know, your finances have
been affected by this.
Mr. Jones 17:40
So all of these things are a recipe for no sex. So not only are you away from the lifestyle, but
you may even be struggling as a couple to try to find your mojo and spend time together.
Mrs. Jones 17:54
Right, not because you’ve had a fight or something but just because this is just – It’s just weird.
Mr. Jones 18:01 It’s odd.
Mrs. Jones 18:02
It’s just an odd time in our lives and, and it kind of – I don’t know that sex isn’t a priority
anymore, but it isn’t, you know, it isn’t what’s on your mind. This is just a huge distraction. You
know, and it’s a kind of an important distraction.
Mr. Jones 18:18
Right, and I think we’re both equally distracted. This isn’t something that affects one of us and
not the other. We’re both – so neither one of us has has really been after the other for sex. I
mean, we’ve, we’ve done – I think we’ve we’ve done pretty, pretty good as a couple to stay
connected, but still, it’s almost the third or fourth or fifth thing on the list.
Mrs. Jones 18:42
Yeah. Yeah. You know, and I’m not gonna lie, like during the week after we get everybody to go to
bed. I like coming down here and turning on the TV for an hour – because it makes my brain turn
off. You know, so and but then I guess the same thing happens when we have sex, you know? So maybe
we need to try to put that on the schedule as a distraction a little bit more. I don’t know, we –
we’re doing fine, but it was just – I don’t know if misery loves company, but it was kind of
comforting to know that I wasn’t the only one feeling this way. You know, I kind of like put my
sexy mode aside, and I’ve gone back into like mom mode, and it’s almost like we’re all trying to
survive. I mean, luckily, luckily, you and I are still working. So we don’t really have that burden
so much. But, you know, our, our daughters are kind of struggling. So, you know, we’re worried
about them. And we’re just worried about society in general. This is, this is serious stuff. And
I’m tired of it. It needs to be over. [Laughs]
Mr. Jones 19:48
So this is just another thing to think about. So you’re thinking about how do you re-engage in the
lifestyle, when do you re-engaged in the lifestyle, how have you been affected by that? So all of
that may play into when you want to re-engage because maybe you want to reconnect as a couple
first. You know, before you do that, or maybe maybe you’re going to go meet another couple as a way
to energize your life, your sex life back. So it really depends. I don’t think there’s any one
size fits all answer here.
No, there’s not. But I just really wanted to bring up the, my, you know, I’ve kind of lost my mojo
and, and you know, I’m gonna be a little bit nervous. I haven’t been naked in front of anybody in a
while – well, except for you.
Once in a while maybe. Mrs. Jones 20:37
Well, that’s cuz I can’t walk around the house naked anymore. Um, you know, I just – I want
people to know, like, if you’re feeling that way too, you’re not the only one. Because I’ve had
this discussion with a lot of people.
Mr. Jones 20:50
So these are conversations that you all are probably having and that we’re having and everyone else
is having. So if nothing else, when you do re-engage in the lifestyle This is a very good topic to
bring up to people that you’re gonna meet.
Mrs. Jones 21:02
Yeah, it’s a good conversation starter.
Mr. Jones 21:04
Say, where are you on this? And how have you guys handled this and…
Mrs. Jones 21:07
You know, this is kind of like part of the talk.
Mr. Jones 21:10 It is.
Mrs. Jones 21:11
You know, that you’re gonna have before you engage with somebody.
Mr. Jones 21:14
Because you might not be at the same spot you were when you when you had to take a break, you may
have to go back, you may have to start a little bit slower.
Mrs. Jones 21:22
That’s true.
Mr. Jones 21:23
And there’s a lot of people you know, I have to say, there’s some people in our community that
surprisingly have said, this has been a great time for us to try the lifestyle because when we
reach out to people now we know we can’t see them. And so we’ve been able to communicate with a
little bit more confidence knowing that you don’t have to be scared that we’re gonna go out and
meet them and have to have sex with them.
Mrs. Jones 21:46 Yeah, it’s lower risk.
Mr. Jones 21:48
Yeah, that’s a lower risk…
Mrs. Jones 21:49
…because there’s not gonna be pressure.
Mr. Jones 21:50
Yeah. So here we were thinking about it’s all negative. But then there are people out there that
said, no, this is really a great time for us to engage because…
Mrs. Jones 21:57 They’re easing into it.
Mr. Jones 21:58
Yeah, it forces us to do it online first where we can get to know people. So anyway, we wish you
the best. If you’re brand new to this, we wish you the best.
Mrs. Jones 22:07
Hang in there! It’ll be worth it.
Mr. Jones 22:10
And if you’re re engaging, if you have to take a step back or put the training wheels on again,
that sounds like something that a lot of people are gonna have to do.
Mrs. Jones 22:18
Yeah, well hopefully we’ll be able to get out of town here soon and we’ll be able to report back on
our on our first jump back onto the horse.
Mr. Jones 22:26
Because Mrs. Jones’s birthday is coming up next weekend. That’s the excuse…
Mrs. Jones 22:30
We had this whole birthday getaway planned and, dang it.
Mr. Jones 22:32
We’re still – we still have our fingers crossed that we’re gonna make it.
Mrs. Jones 22:36
Yeah, it’s probably 50/50 right now. So wish us luck.
Mr. Jones 22:41
So when we come back, we’re gonna have Mr. and Mrs. Night on again and we’re going to talk about
confronting men’s performance issues. [Music]
Mrs. Jones 23:05
All right. Well, welcome back to our topic tonight. And we are once again with Mr. And Mrs. Night.
And we’re just so excited to have you all back. So we’re gonna dive into the more fun stuff
tonight. Well might not be so fun, but it’ll be very informative.
Mr. Jones 23:21
And for those, for those of you who didn’t get a chance to go back and listen to Episode 74, the
Nights were on with us last month to talk about health and wellness and exercise. But just in case
you missed that one, why don’t you guys go ahead and introduce yourselves again?
Mr. Night 23:36
Well, my name is Mr. Night. I am a family nurse practitioner. I have been practicing now for 20
years. A few years ago, about five years ago, I went back and did additional training and became a
bioidentical hormone specialist. So now I practice family practice with an emphasis on wellness.
Mrs. Night 23:57
Hi guys, this is Miss Night. Mr. Night and I have been in the lifestyle now for about 12 years. So
we have some information on this topic that we want to share with you all.
Mr. Jones 24:09
Yes, it’s it’s great to have you back and we appreciate it. We’ve gotten a lot of feedback from the
last episode and this one is a little bit tougher. Erectile dysfunction and performance anxiety. So
I think the first thing I’d like to ask you, Mr. Night is, we hear these terms a lot we hear ED,
and we hear performance anxiety. Can you explain what the difference between the two are and maybe
how they’re related to one another?
Mr. Night 24:38
Erectile dysfunction is a true physical disorder where the blood flow to the penis is not adequate
enough to allow for a full erection for penetration for sex, sexual activity. Performance anxiety
is
not being able to get an erection due to the circumstances that you’re in. And that’s what we come
across in the lifestyle is performance anxiety. Now, what’s the difference? If you’re waking up in
the morning and you’re having a full erection, then you do not have erectile dysfunction. If you’re
able to have sex with your wife with no issues whatsoever, you have a full erection you’re able to
complete the sexual act, you do not have sexual or erectile dysfunction. Performance anxiety is
when you’re doing some lifestyle stuff or some exhibitionist stuff, and you’re wanting to have
that nice firm erection but you’re not able to due to the circumstances around you.
Mr. Jones 25:46 Okay.
Mrs. Jones 25:47
That’s a good way to put it. You know the circumstances around you are creating the issue, not your
body itself.
Mr. Night 25:56
Your physical body is in great shape and is able to function. It’s the circumstances that’s causing
the problem.
Mr. Jones 26:03
Right. So we’re probably gonna ask questions from the medical side, and then from the lifestyle
side, because you guys are involved in both, but in your practice, do you want to talk about, like,
what types of men come in? And how do they talk to you about this? And what are their ages and kind
of what do you see as far as stats of who’s coming into your office to talk about this?
Mr. Night 26:27
Well, it’s surprising. Even last week, I had a gentleman who was 24 years old who came in and he
said, he had some erectile dysfunction. That’s definitely not the usual case. And he’s checking out
perfectly fine. The usual is the 40 somethings, the 45 and older, these guys are coming in and
they’re starting to realize that things are not working like they used to. Now the problem with
these 40 and overs is that they’re usually 40 or 50 pounds overweight, they’ve been smoking for 30
years, and, you know, they have some other conditions such as diabetes or high blood pressure. And
lo and behold, that’s just part of that.
Mr. Jones 27:16
Okay. So …do you find that’s the age that you normally have guys come in, it’s in their 40s when
they start having erectile dysfunction issues?
Mr. Night 27:28
Yeah, about the same time they come in and they’re not feeling very well. And their blood
pressure’s getting high and their blood sugars are starting to go up. That’s usually around 45 or
above. And that’s when they start complaining at the same time of erectile problems.
Mr. Jones 27:42
So you mentioned a few factors like when they come in, can you talk more about like, what are those
factors? Are they necessarily the factors or the medication that they’re on for these factors and
how does all of that together have an impact on your performance or your erectile dysfunction?
Mr. Night 28:04
It’s usually the same, the same thing that caused the high blood pressure, the same thing that
caused the high blood sugar, the weight gain, they’re all kind of in the same family. As a matter
of fact, if someone comes in and their only complaint is I’m having erectile dysfunction, we have
to consider them at a cardiovascular risk. Because if you’re having vascular problems that prevents
an erection, you’re going to have vascular problems somewhere else in your body. So we worry about
your heart, we worry about your brain. So it wouldn’t be surprising to end up having a stress test,
a cardiac stress test or a cardiac evaluation, if you come in complaining of erectile dysfunction.
Mr. Jones 28:50
Because basically …the blood flow is not coming to the penis like it should. Is that the idea?
Mr. Night 28:58
Yes, the penis has three canals in it – spongy hollow glands, the blood is able to increase the
amount of volume that is going into these spongy glands, and it causes it to be firm and stiff and
that’s what causes the erection. It is all about blood flow. Erections are all about blood flow. So
if you’re doing something that prevents blood flow, you’re going to have trouble getting the
erection. That something is going to be smoking, eating too much sugars, gaining weight, high blood
pressure, all of these things influence blood flow. And that’s what causes the erectile
dysfunction.
Mr. Jones 29:47
So when I come into your office, and I’m a little bit overweight, and I don’t exercise regularly,
and I’ve got some of these underlying issues, but I say, hey, can you just give me a pill, you
know… How are we going to fix this because when we – I tell you when we guys see on TV and in
magazines, is the couple sitting in the hot tub. You know, he’s raring to go because he took this
pill. And so we’re made to believe that no matter what the underlying cause is, I don’t even have
to think about that. I just want to come to you to get something to take so that I can be back to
the way that I was. How does that conversation go if I were to come to your office?
Mr. Night 30:29
Well, this is the frustrating part of my practice, because people come to me and they want a pill
for everything. And don’t get me wrong, we have a pill for everything. That’s why a lot of people
take a bunch of pills. But my focus when – I focus on wellness, so what I want to do is I want to
explain to them, look, the reason why you’re having these problems is because your blood pressure’s
too high, because your blood sugar’s too high, because you’re overweight, and…
here’s a pill, I have a pill for you. But I don’t want to fix this with a pill. Let’s work on
losing weight. Let’s work on exercising, let’s work on getting your blood sugar down. Let’s get
your blood pressure down. And that’s the natural way to fix erectile dysfunction. Yeah, there’s
pills out there. But if you’re not fixing the problem, you’re diminishing the quality of your life.
And that’s not what we’re trying to do.
Mr. Jones 31:24
So how long does it normally take, then, if I’ve got to do all these things? You know, is it all up
to me? Or can we do a combination of things? I mean, as a guy, you know, this is something that’s
been a badge of honor for me for 20 or 30, 40 years and all of a sudden, I’ve got to change my
lifestyle, and I’ve got to do all these things. What is the combination? What’s the timeline we’re
talking about for making me able to perform again with what you’re recommending?
Mr. Night 31:55
Well, this didn’t happen overnight. You didn’t have this great 18 year old erection yesterday, and
then today, it’s floppy, it’s not working. It’s …a steady decrease in performance, it gets worse
and worse over the years. So you’re not gonna fix this overnight by starting to exercise or
fasting for 12 hours, it’s not going to fix the problem. …First thing you have to know, that
these
are the problems and you have to fix these problems. And then it’s going to take time and it’s
going to get there, but you’re going to have to take your time. Every day that you work out, you’re
getting better. Every day that you take your blood pressure medicine, your blood pressure goes
down. Every day that you avoid that sugar and your weight goes down, your blood sugar gets down,
your body is going to get better and you’re going to perform better. So you can come in when you’re
40 something and be 40 pounds overweight and have erectile dysfunction. When you address those
problems and your weight comes down and your blood pressure comes down, your erectile dysfunction
should definitely improve. Now, meanwhile, I’m going to help you out. I’m going to give you some
medicine, because we know the medicine works. But my intention, what I want everybody to know, is
that you’re healthier and you’re happier when you’re taking care of your body. And that will take
care of the erectile dysfunction also.
Mr. Jones 33:19
So can we talk about the medication for a moment? Because, you know, there’s a lot out there and
it’s no, it’s generic now. It used to be really expensive, but now it’s become all of a sudden
affordable. So Mr. Night, can you talk about, you know, what are these medications called? And are
they generally covered, and what have you noticed about the prices and the affordability over the
past six months or a year?
Mr. Night 33:47
This is a very interesting story. We didn’t have – well, I was a new practitioner. So this was 15
years ago, or more, that new medicine came out, Viagra, and it’s a very interesting story because
what they – the way they studied this drug is they were giving it three times a day to 80 and 90
year old men who had heart disease. What they were studying the drug for was to
increase blood flow to the heart. To decrease angina. To increase blood flow gives better oxygen
to the heart, they had less chest pain. So the studies were going along fine, but it didn’t really
do what they wanted it to. So it wasn’t really helping the heart that much. But when they stopped
the studies, all the men were in an uproar. So now we have the 70/80/90 year old men who wouldn’t
give the trial drugs back. And then they let the cat out of the bag. It was because they were
having erections again that they hadn’t had in years. And so the company that made Viagra quickly
changed their studies into Viagra, and the rest is history. Viagra was all alone for a very good
while and it was very expensive. Another medicine called Levitra came out. And then another
medicine called Cialis came out, finally, Cialis. Now the difference between Viagra and Levitra is
the half life – how long the medicine works. So, Viagra will last eight hours. Levitra will last
eight hours. But Cialis came out, and now we have a drug that will last for 72 hours. So I call
that the weekend pill. So you take it on Friday afternoon and you are good to go. You don’t have to
take any medicine for the weekend. Incredibly, these drugs stayed really high priced.
$20 a pill. $30 a pill. $40 a pill. They were holding these things hostage. And then very recently,
Cialis showed up on the good RX coupon plan, incredibly cheap. You can get, you can get 90 days
worth of Cialis now for about $45. So it’s incredible. Now the thing about Cialis that I like, and
that’s the one that I prescribe more than anything else. Cialis for one has a long half life, so
it’s always working, it’s always increasing blood flow. And that increased blood flow is good for
us. It mostly increases blood flow to the pelvic area. But that increased blood flow, it just gives
all our tissue the oxygen that it needs. It’s just healthy for us to have that increased blood
flow. It’s interesting. Viagra can also be used for a condition – for the lungs – blood pressure in
the lungs. It increases the blood flow to the lungs that lowers blood pressure in the lungs. It’s
actually good for you. It doesn’t matter what sex you are, if it’s male or female. These are very
good drugs. And now that they’re not being held hostage, everybody can get it.
Mr. Jones 37:09
Yeah. So it doesn’t sound like, from what I hear you talking about these drugs, if I do come in and
I have some other conditions, and I’m a little overweight, and I’m smoking and I’m drinking, is it
necessarily bad for me just to take the Cialis without doing the other things, or how is that
medically? Is it good or bad or indifferent?
Mr. Night 37:34
It’s not bad. It’s just irresponsible.
Mr. Jones 37:37
Okay. Okay. So I’m taking a shortcut, and I’m not having to do the hard work, you know.
Mr. Night 37:43
That’s right. That’s right.
Mr. Jones 37:44
Okay. So what about – let’s switch over to talk about the lifestyle. A lot of men in the lifestyle
who are very confident and have never had a problem with an erection get into a situation in the
environment in the lifestyle and they struggle. And their first thought is, I need a pill to fix
that or what’s wrong with me? So in your experience, either in medically or personally, and, you
know, Mrs. Night, Mrs. Jones, you know, what do we really think is going on there, and besides a
pill what can we tell guys that they need to think about in order to get past this – or through it,
not past it, but through it?
Mr. Night 38:31
Well, it’s – the situation is new, and that’s the biggest problem. You’ve been chatting with
somebody and it’s time to move to the bedroom for some sexy fun. And everybody’s heart is pounding.
The adrenaline’s running, and suddenly you have this sexy couple in front of you. I’ll tell you, my
first – our first soft swap, it was a younger couple. And it was, it was kind of neat and kind of –
same thing, my heart was pounding. And when we started playing with each other, I had – my
erection was just fine. But as we continued to play and we were shifting positions, my erection
started to get soft. And I was thinking, uh-oh, this is going to happen to me. This is the first
time we’ve ever played with anybody and this is going to happen to me. So I can see how that would
trigger more anxiety and make things worse toward the end of the play. Now in my case, it worked
out fine. There was no issue, but it scared me a lot. My – our experience is that if anybody’s
having any erectile issues, if you just sit back, take a break, take a breather, and just refocus,
everything works well because that anxiety just washes away, especially in our lifestyle. You know,
people are not out to get us, people are out to make us enjoy the experience and help us along with
that, and they’ll do whatever they can to help. It’s just the anxiety within us that we need to
deal with. Now, can I give you a pill to help with the erectile dysfunction? You know, I think you
need to experience that a couple of times before you come to my door. If you have perfectly good
erections, you don’t need to take Cialis or anything else. Try to do this on your own. But if you
see this as a problem that you continue to struggle with then yes, we can prescribe you something
and you can take it as insurance, and that may be all you need to get past the anxiety because
you’ve got that in your hand. You know that you’re going to be fine and that may be all you need.
Mr. Jones 40:49
Or maybe it’s just the placebo effect when you take that pill that helps you get beyond that.
Mr. Night 40:54
That is – I agree with that, 100%
Mrs. Night 40:57
Could be. I mean in our experience, when I am with another guy, and I notice that he might be
struggling a little bit, one of the ways I handle that is I pull his wife in, because typically, if
his wife comes in to the scene, then he’s more comfortable. And she knows exactly what he likes,
just like Miss Jones was talking about – you know, she, they know each other better than anyone,
and in bringing her in, it helps relax him a little bit, then we can get things going again.
Mrs. Jones 41:33
Yeah, I think that works well. It just kind of puts everybody more at ease to get that familiar
touch back, you know, in the scene and you know, I guess my question for Mr. Night though is like,
if you’re – if the guy is in that downward spiral freakout mode, will the pill help him recover or
is sometimes the pill just ineffective. Like if he’s just like, totally going in that downward
spiral.
Mr. Jones 42:02
Fight or flight has kicked in.
Mr. Night 42:03
Yeah, yeah, well, that’s good point – fight or flight, when you’re scared, then your body doesn’t
want to have an erection when you’re scared. So if you start getting nervous and you’re a nervous
person, you can have all the medicine on board you want to and you are not going to get an
erection. That fight or flight is going to mess things up. So the best thing to do, I would think,
is to take a break, take a break, everybody go and have some water, relax a little bit, chat a
little bit, laugh a little bit, and then get back into it. Because it’s all anxiousness, it’s all
excitement. So when you calm that down, then things should perform better.
Mr. Jones 42:27
I think this is where us guys could learn a lot from how the ladies deal with issues compared to
how we deal with issues. It’s a catch 22. There’s been a lot of times – at one point in time, this
was, I think this happened to us maybe three or four times in a row.
Mrs. Jones 43:00
We went through a rough patch.
Mr. Jones 43:04
And, you know, I could see that this was gonna end poorly for both of us because if she’s not
having a good time, and well, you even said Mrs. Jones…
Mrs. Jones 43:15
Well, let me say my piece, because I don’t want it to come out the wrong way. I’m not having a good
time because I’m concerned about the other gentleman’s like feelings because I can tell he’s
anxious and nervous and he’s not having a good time because of his own anxiety, and – but
logically, you know that it’s not you, and I think that’s kind of the point that you wanted to get
at it, you know, I think that sometimes we ladies take that burden on ourselves, like what am I
not doing right? Or am I not sexy enough? Or oh my gosh, he just saw my stretch marks and now he’s
turned off, and you know, all that crazy stuff that can go through your head and – but logically, I
know it’s not me and it’s just the, like Mr. Night said at the beginning of our conversation, it’s
the environment. And I think one of the frustrations on my part during this rough patch, so to
speak, is that the gentleman were not acknowledging their struggles. They’re trying to pretend it’s
not happening or, you know, they just kind of turn away from me, and, I don’t know, just kind of
wait for them to finish, instead of just acknowledging that there’s a struggle and – because
there’s more than one way to have fun, you know, you can switch to
plan B and like, if it’s not going to work, and he knows it’s not going to work and he just wants
to call it, well, let’s just acknowledge it and figure out what else we can do.
Mr. Jones 44:47
Yeah. And it got to the point where I wanted so badly that when we met a new couple, and it looked
like we were going to go play, I wanted so badly to say, look, if things don’t go well, let’s take
a pause, let’s do this. There’s so many other things that we can do. But then I’m like, well, I
don’t want to jinx the guy. Because if I, if I come out ahead and plant that seed that, what if
there’s an issue, then I’m part of the problem. So there’s really, we never really decided if that
was a good idea or not.
Mrs. Jones 45:22
I don’t think it is a good idea.
Mrs. Night 45:24
I think if we’re in that situation, and maybe guys need to hear this from us women, that it’s okay,
because sometimes we’re stressed out and we don’t want to play either. Or we’re just nervous with
this new person. And we don’t know how things are going to go and we’re not as excited physically,
either. And I think it’s okay for the guys to understand that it’s okay to say, hey, let’s take a
break. Or, hey, let me go back to my wife for a minute. Or just, you know, take that break for a
minute. Like you’re saying, acknowledge that, hey, something’s just not right right now. I think
I’m gonna excuse myself and go get some water. But that’s okay, that’s not gonna make us say, oh,
well, go away. I’m not gonna play with you again.
Mrs. Jones 46:06
Right. Right. Because that at least lets me know that there’s just something going on with him and
you know, with his mindset and otherwise you, like, as the lady, the irrational part of your brain
kicks in because this is a very, you know emotional type activity. You can start to like, own the
problem, where, you know, if I think the – guy’s if you just go ahead and acknowledge it, it’s
okay. And then we know it’s not us, we know it’s not our age, our wrinkles or our stretch marks or
whatever, and then we can move on.
Mr. Jones 46:45
Well, and then I would say, and correct me if I’m wrong, Mrs. Jones, but where it’s been successful
after somebody has experienced that, it has been when the gentleman either acknowledged it during
play, or afterward or even If we’re going to see them again, and it was an issue the previous time,
you know, they’ll bring it up and say, okay, we’ll talk about it. And we’ll say, well, what can we
do differently this time? Because we really like you guys. And, you know, we don’t have to full
swap, we don’t have to do these things. So I would say that it’s when the guys do acknowledge it,
that we’ve been able to all four of us get beyond that and have a good time.
Mrs. Jones 47:24
Right.
Mr. Night 47:25
Well, even just acknowledging the problem and talking about it really is an anxiety reliever.
That’s what brings the anxiety down. You know, well, we’ll play and if something happens, then
we’ll do something later or do something different. Just bringing that – that’s the placebo that
will help it all work without taking any medicine at all. It’s anxiety relief.
Mr. Jones 47:47
And this is, I think, where we can learn a lot from the ladies, and here’s what I mean by that. If
it’s the environment, if there’s a lot going on, a lot of times what causes us guys issues is an
insecurity, like, all of a sudden there’s another guy having sex with my wife, or he’s bigger than
I am, or she’s not responding the way that my wife does, and we have these insecurities. But I know
that ladies have a lot of insecurities in the lifestyle, too. So I want you two ladies, I’m asking
you to tell the gentlemen out there, like, I mean, this ladies chat that you have going – these
ladies, they’re not afraid to talk about anything. So how do you all – what is your attitude
towards when you have an issue like this? You’re talking to other people about it.
Mrs. Jones 48:41
Well, I want to know what other people do to fix it. You know, I want to get ideas to solve the
problem. You know, whatever I read, or maybe, you know, maybe my doctor has one answer, but maybe
there’s another answer out there. I mean, there’s just there’s more than one way to solve a
problem, and to be able to – and that’s what I love about the lifestyle, I can talk to my lady
friends about anything, you know, and I’m not going to be judged and they’re going to have creative
ideas and share their experiences. So I don’t know – you dudes don’t talk about penises.
Mr. Jones 49:16
When you’re on the golf course or when you’re on the golf trip with the guys or when you’re in the
locker room or when you’re at the bar, is somebody going to come out and say, hey, you know what,
guys, I’m really struggling with getting an erection. You know, and we laugh about it. But really,
that’s why we don’t necessarily feel like that’s something that we can come out and talk about with
other people. But I will say that, as – and I know that you’ve experienced this in the ladies
group, is when you put it out there and I think a lot of guys are afraid they’re going to be judged
or other people are going to laugh at them or they’re gonna say, oh, well, there’s something wrong
with you. But I think in the experience…
Mrs. Jones 49:58
Oh, do you think it’ll be like, oh, well, like he has problems. I know me and my wife never want to
play with them. Do you think that is part of the mindset?
Mr. Jones 50:08
No, no, I don’t even mean in the lifestyle. I just mean, in vanilla world, when you’re like – you
ladies will talk about anything in any world. I mean, you’ve talked to your friends about
everything.
Mrs. Jones 50:19 Well, yeah.
Mr. Jones 50:20
So and we don’t. So what I’m saying is that, I’m afraid, I’m hesitant to do that because people are
going to point their finger at me or think less of me, when in fact, what happens is they go, oh,
you know what, I’ve had that problem too. When just acknowledging something is going to release the
anxiety. But when you have other guys that say, hey, you know, I’ve struggled with that too. So
that’s what we’re trying to have this conversation. We’re trying to get guys to understand that if
you really want to get past this, you have to acknowledge it. And you have to find a way to talk
about it with your wife or your partner or other men. Or your doctor. And just – because I’m sure
you don’t even get the truth out of people a lot of times when they come in.
Mr. Night 51:05
You know, that’s interesting. We don’t – on the golf course we don’t go up to each other and say,
hey, I have erectile dysfunction, we don’t say that. What we say is, I got some Viagra from my
doctor, or I got some Cialis. I take Cialis all the time, you know that. But we never admit that we
have erectile dysfunction. We just have it just in case we need it. You know. So that’s interesting
that you say that, and it’s probably a good idea, especially as we get older, this is going to be a
potential problem. If we brought that up ahead of time, part of the pre sex talk, you know, it
might solve the problem much more readily. If we get that idea out there and we discuss it and it
relieves that anxiety, then, you know, we made it – that may significantly decrease the issue.
Now, don’t get me wrong, there are some situations where these medicines shouldn’t be taken. So
you’ve got to pay attention to your doctor, he’s gonna ask you those questions. And it mostly has
to do – if you’ve got really bad heart problems and you’re taking certain medications, you should
not be taking these medicines. So I’m not giving this advice blindly to everybody – everybody go
get a prescription of this. Just let your doctor interview you and be sure that you’re the right
candidate for it.
Mrs. Jones 52:27
Oh, wondering, now that you guys are talking about this, and I wonder if not only the different
person has to do with the anxiety, but the actual timing of the whole event, because, you know,
when Mr. Jones just said he doesn’t ever take it when it’s just the two of us at home. Well, it’s
just the two of us and we have all night and we’re not in a hurry. There’s no timeframe. Nobody has
to get home to a babysitter. You know, there’s no, oh, they’ve already started already. We’re
behind, like, we need to catch up. You know, yeah, I think timing – especially like the first time
you play with a couple, timing is always awkward because you don’t really have that kind of like
rhythm established, even with with people that we’ve been friends with for a while, it is always
still a little awkward but you at least have the memory of the way things went before. So I think
timing – do you guys ever feel rushed when you play in those settings?
Mr. Night 53:24
What I like is I like the pre activity sex play. So let’s say we’re inviting friends over for
dinner and we’re gonna go have some drinks. I like to invite em over and have sex then. And because
nobody’s liquored up, nobody’s – everybody is fine. And then we can go and have a good time, go to
the club, have a few drinks. And then if we play again later, that’s fine. If you drank a little
too much, and you’re having some troubles, you’re having some whiskey problems, then it’s not so
much of an issue because you’ve already played earlier, but that’s just my preference.
Mrs. Jones 53:58
Now, what other podcast was it – I think the Swinger Diaries, they call that a reverse date.
Mr. Night 54:03 Yes. It’s fantastic.
Mrs. Jones 54:05
Yeah. Where you play first and then you go out to dinner, or you cook dinner or whatever.
Mr. Jones 54:10
Actually, we did that last year at Naughty in New Orleans.
Mrs. Jones 54:12
Yeah, we’ve done that a couple of times.
Mr. Jones 54:13
Multiple days. And it was very successful.
Mrs. Jones 54:15 I know.
Mr. Night 54:16
I think it’s fantastic,
Mrs. Night 54:17
Right. Because I think if you can go ahead and play first, then you’ve kind of broken the ice.
You’ve gotten that out of the way. You’re not spending all your dinner and all your drink time
worrying about, oh my gosh, she’s beautiful. What if she doesn’t like me? Oh, my gosh, what if I
can’t perform?
Mr. Jones 54:31
I think this generally works with us if it’s a couple that we’ve already played with, because you
don’t have to do the courting so to speak or the flirting. So I think if it’s a new couple, that
might not be the issue. But you can still not fiddle fart around all night and you know, wait until
three or four or five o’clock in the morning when you’re, you know, you’re not at the best…
Mrs. Jones 54:55
Who’s at optimal performance at two o’clock in the morning anyway? Come on. Yeah, that whole
swinger rhythm is just not optimal.
Mr. Night 55:07
Well, yeah, that brings around another point. What can trigger these erectile problems? What can
trigger this? And I’ll tell you, my biggest problem is alcohol. And it’s probably everybody’s
biggest problem. You’re going out and you’re, let’s say you’re at at Desire, you know, you’re
drinking alcohol all day. And you find this, find this wonderful couple and you’re like, hey, let’s
go to the room and everybody’s tipsy and everybody’s happy. Then you get into the room and
everybody is so tipsy that nothing’s functioning like it should. I think it’s whiskey dick …is
the word for it.
Mr. Jones 55:42
Yes, that’s the medical term for it.
Mr. Night 55:45
The guys come in and say Doc, I need something for whiskey dick. But I realized there’s two
problems there. One is no erection and then the other is no orgasm. So there’s two kinds of whiskey
dick. So it depends on what problem you’re having.
Mr. Jones 56:00
Right, right. So I think that maybe we should talk a few minutes before we close about what are
some remedies to the lifestyle issue of performance anxiety? And Mr. Night mentioned a few of them
earlier, but you know, we have – you can have sex earlier. You know, you can talk about it
beforehand. You can say, hey, why don’t we – I think it was Mrs. Night who suggested, hey, why
don’t you spend some time with your partner for a while? Or why don’t – if I’m not struggling and
he might struggle, why don’t the two ladies start with him? And then once he gets going, then I can
jump in or whatever. There’s so many different…
Mrs. Jones 56:43
Oh, actually, I’ve actually, if – one time a guy was struggling, and I kind of pushed you out of
the way and I started playing with the wife.
Mr. Jones 56:50 Yes.
Mrs. Jones 56:50
You both got a break.
Mr. Jones 56:54
Yeah. Yeah, you guys need to write that one down.
Mrs. Jones 56:59 “The cure.”
Mr. Jones 57:02
But what are some other things that we’ve done? We’ve talked about what different fantasies are,
and different positions that the four of us can be in, because it’s about four people being
connected, then sometimes if it’s like, if it’s two ladies and him, or if it’s the four of us
together, that takes a lot of the pressure off of an individual.
Mrs. Jones 57:21
Well, and we’ve, I mean, I’ve played with a guy where he’s just been like, you know, this is just
not gonna work. So we ended up, he and I went over to you guys. And he was like, you know, kissing
his wife’s breasts and kissing, you know, her on the mouth, and you were actually having sex with
her. And then I was just kind of – I could do whatever I wanted. I had all three of you to choose
from. So we focused on you guys and helped, you know, increase your pleasure, which gave us
pleasure, and then it took all the pressure off of the guy, but we were still engaged.
Mr. Night 57:57 Right.
Mr. Jones 57:57
So maybe ask the ladies this question. So as a guy though, the reason I’m going to feel bad is
numerous. First of all, I’m disappointed in myself. Secondly, it’s not you, you know, you’re
beautiful, you’re attractive, I’m angry at myself because I’ve been waiting for this and now it’s
not happening and I don’t want you to feel bad. And then – or I could be, I want to give you an
orgasm, you know, I want – there’s a goal that I have in mind and I’m not able to achieve that
goal. So what do you ladies say to men who have this idea that, you know, there’s an expectation of
a goal at the end of something.
Mrs. Jones 58:39
I mean, I think the goal is to have fun. If that ends up being that the guy you know, ends up
having a full on sex and coming at the end, then that’s great. But if that is the only objective
that’s going to give him satisfaction, that’s probably just setting himself up for failure
potentially. And just putting too much pressure on himself and not allowing him to enjoy the rest
of the experience. Because, you know, what, how many seconds does it take to have an orgasm for a
guy – to ejaculate? Like five seconds? Oh, all right, I’ll give you 45. But you know…
Mr. Night 59:27
I enjoy them as long as possible.
Mrs. Jones 59:31
Good information. But I mean, like, you know, there’s potentially an hour or an hour and a half or
however long.
Mr. Jones 59:40
There’s a lot of things you could do
Mrs. Jones 59:42
A lot of other things going on that are a lot of fun if you just allow yourself to be in that
moment and not so focused on maybe the end goal. I don’t know. I’m not a guy.
Mrs. Night 59:54
Enjoy the moment that you’re in, and there’s lots of other things to do other than just
penetration. So don’t focus so much on that. I’m sure we’ll have a good time.
Mrs. Jones 1:00:05 Yeah.
Mr. Night 1:00:06
Yeah, the whole thing is not just about I just want to have sex with you right now and get this
over with. That’s not the way that we work. We want to get to know you, we want to get a chance to
get naked with you and enjoy each other’s bodies. And that doesn’t mean penetration sex all the
time. It’s just enjoying the entire – the special event that we have. I mean, most folks don’t play
with each other. So we have this insight that we can play with each other and enjoy each other. And
it doesn’t have to be, “I’ve got to get a strong erection and make her cum by fucking her hard.”
It’s just let’s enjoy each other’s company. And let’s enjoy the fact that we can put our hands on
each other and enjoy the whole thing.
Mr. Jones 1:00:58
And then lastly, let’s talk about if you’re the woman, and your man, your partner has never had an
issue with you before. And you’re playing with another couple and you look over and he is
struggling. How do you handle it?
Mrs. Night 1:01:14
For me, if I see that my partner is struggling, then that’s when I’m going to just kind of
disengage a little bit and say, hey, I want to go back to my husband for a few minutes. And then
and then we’ll resume this in a minute, or somehow initiate that complete four way contact, where
he’s not feeling so on the spot, where we can just all play together or I said or me go back to
him. Give him a break.
Mr. Night 1:01:40
That’s true. It’s fun. Instead of having two people separated. When that happens, you can bring all
four people together, and then everybody has closeness with each other. And that helps to relieve
that anxiety because we’re all as one again.
Mrs. Jones 1:01:55 Yep. I agree.
Mr. Jones 1:01:58
Yeah. So I think that the lessons here – if the guys are listening, of course, you need to
understand the physiology and you need to understand what medically is available to you. But if
you’re in the lifestyle, or you’re thinking about the lifestyle, the performance anxiety side of
it, the lesson here should be first of all acknowledging, just acknowledge the issue.
Mrs. Jones 1:02:21
And you’re not alone. I mean, this happens kind of often.
Mr. Night 1:02:25 It does.
Mrs. Jones 1:02:30
And, you know, I think the more it happens to you, the worse it’s going to get if you’re not
acknowledging it. Okay, well, it won’t happen next time. You know, I’ll do something different next
time. And then you know, you’re probably psyching yourself out before you even get started.
Mr. Jones 1:02:44
Yeah, and the other thing to remember is because it’s the environment and the environment is new,
the environment’s not going to be new forever. So just to quit or say I’m not going to do this or
think it’s going to be like this all the time is a mistake. Because the second or the third or the
fourth or the fifth time, all of a sudden it’s not so unusual anymore. And so …the environment
doesn’t have the same impact on you as it did the first or second, you know, time that you may have
struggled.
Mrs. Night 1:03:15
Right. And I think also for the guys, hear me guys, talk to your partner. If you’re experiencing
some kind of problems like that talk with her because, I mean, she’s your sidekick, she’s the one
that’s going to come help you out if there’s a problem. She’s gonna keep an eye on you, help you
get through anything. So you’ve got to communicate with your significant other.
Mrs. Jones 1:03:34
Well, that’s true, I guess if – guys if you know that you’re kind of headed in the wrong direction,
yeah, if you let your partner know right away, then, you know, you could have like a plan in place
to kind of mitigate the situation.
Mr. Night 1:03:49
And meanwhile, while we’re learning this new atmosphere, and we’re getting used to it, we’re going
to be out exercising and eating right and not smoking or quitting smoking, not eating any sugar,
and we’re going to get our bodies in the best possible shape that we can so that we won’t have so
much trouble in the future.
Mr. Jones 1:04:09
Yeah, and we should probably just say, I mean Mrs. Jones is well known for her cocktails and you
know, we do enjoy social drinking, but we also know that if we’re planning an evening with friends,
we all take that into consideration. What am I eating? You know, how much rest did I get, you know,
what time am I – what time is it that we’re going to be potentially playing, and know when to cut
yourself off. If there’s potential for play, to do everything you can in your power, you know, to
make sure that…
Mrs. Jones 1:04:45
Well, as the bartender I pour my drinks kind of light if I know that, you know, we’re on a
lifestyle date and I’m the one making the drinks I make em, you know, I go light, like if it calls
for an ounce and a half, I might only put in an ounce of vodka or whatever, because I want the
night to last.
Mrs. Night 1:05:02 Great idea.
Mr. Jones 1:05:03 Uh, oh.
Mrs. Jones 1:05:06
Too bad this is a podcast and not a videocast.
Mr. Night 1:05:10
Yeah, I make them strong in my house a little. A little too strong.
Mr. Jones 1:05:14
Yeah. For those of you listening at home, Mrs. Night was just punching Mr. Night’s arm as Mrs.
Jones was describing that. No, I know where you’re coming from. Mr. Night. It’s that old days where
we need to get em drunk. So they’re unfiltered and…
Mr. Night 1:05:32 Yeah, that’s right.
Mrs. Night 1:05:33 Not comatose.
Mrs. Jones 1:05:35
Yeah, yeah, there’s that window of opportunity, right.
Mr. Jones 1:05:41
Are there any like downsides to the medications we need to know about, or I know you mentioned you
have to make sure you tell your doctor what you’re on, but are there any other risks associated
with these that we’re unaware of?
Mr. Night 1:05:56
You know, Cialis is a very good medicine that lasts a very long time. I hardly ever have any
problems with that. Viagra though is, I don’t know if it’s more potent, it’s probably not
necessarily more potent, but it’s it’s a different medicine. And it increases blood flow. All these
medicines increase blood flow. So if you increase blood flow to your brain, you could potentially
get a headache. So that’s going to be your number one side effect with any of these medicines.
Viagra talks about – it could mess with your vision, where you have a blue haze in your vision.
That’s not as common, though I have heard a couple of guys tell me that. When you increase blood
flow, you could have some flushing, so you could feel like the blood is draining out of your head.
That’s not so much of a problem. And some people have said nasal congestion, which is kind of weird
– it’s kind of a weird side effect, but these are all side effects that are usually very mild. I’ve
had a couple of patients who say I cannot take Viagra because I get a headache, and for those
people we try them on Cialis and it tends to be a better outcome.
Mr. Jones 1:07:09
And I just thought of this because our friend Jay from the average swingers, if you haven’t been
listening to them, you know, he’s recently had – I won’t give you the backstory, you can go listen,
but he’s had a prosthetic implant. So can you talk about what other remedies there might be or
treatments besides the Viagra, the Cialis.
Mr. Night 1:07:35
If you truly have erectile dysfunction, you can take Viagra and Cialis all you want to and you’re
still going to have troubles. Not me, but the urologist friends that I know, they tell me if you
want an erection, we can get you one. Some of the tricks that they use, they use a vacuum and pump
and those guys, you can actually take out one of your testicles, they’ll take out one of your
testicles and they’ll put a pump in that sack, and then they’ll put a prosthetic in your penis so
you can actually pump up with your with your testicle, you can pump up your penis, and then you
can also release it. So that’s one that’s one method – a surgical method. Another method is a
permanent prosthetic that goes into the penis where you permanently have an erection. This was kind
of – I’ve only seen one of these in my career and it was the weirdest thing. I don’t know what I
was doing with this gentleman. But he was an older gentleman and I had to do an exam on him and he
said, I got one of those prosthetics, and he dropped his drawers and there it was, and it took me a
little while. I had to go collect myself – figure out what that thing was. They don’t do those as
much anymore because the pumps really work well. There’s also some injections
that you can do directly into that spongy material in the penis to help with blood flow and help
with erections. And it does work in certain people. I don’t prescribe that. I leave that to the
urologist. It seems scary to stick a needle into your penis to make it erect. But it does work.
I’ve known people where it works great. And I’ve known people where they actually ended up in the
emergency room because the erection…
Mr. Jones 1:09:29
Well, that’s actually what happened to Jay. I won’t steal the punch line, but it was that injection
that damaged – that did the damage and he doesn’t have the prosthesis, he has the pump. And
recently talked about that. So yeah, yeah, when a needle gets down there, yeah, somebody better
know what they’re doing.
Mr. Night 1:09:52
That’s right. So if you can’t get an erection, there is a way for you to get an erection. You just
have to find a good urologist. And they’ll figure out what works best for you.
Mr. Jones 1:10:02
Now is the orgasm necessarily guaranteed with the erections? Or is that a completely different
thing?
Mr. Night 1:10:10
I have heard of gentlemen who cannot get an erection at all and still have an orgasm. So the
sensation and the feeling and the climax can still happen, even though you don’t have an erection.
Mr. Jones 1:10:24
Okay. So it sounds like there’s a lot of, oh, you know what? I know you’re not an ER doc, but talk
about the dangers of Viagra and stainless steel cock rings.
Mr. Night 1:10:34
[Laughs] Is there a danger?
Mr. Jones 1:10:40
Well, I mean, like maybe not being able to get it off.
Mr. Night 1:10:45
If your cock ring is too small, don’t take Viagra. [Laughter] Now, I was an emergency room nurse
for three and a half years. And fortunately, I’ve never had to cut off somebody’s cock ring but
I’ve heard it has to be done. …And I’ve seen big old cock rings, so it can be a struggle. If you
can’t get it off and your erection will not go down, you can get some permanent damage, so you need
to go to the emergency room and let them do their magic, which is not going to be fun. But it’s got
to be done.
Mr. Jones 1:11:23
Yeah, I think at that point in time I would lose my dignity. I would be there. I’d walk in and say
you got to do something.
Mr. Night 1:11:31
Yeah. Well, I guess I guess it depends on how tight the cock ring is. There are some pumps with
some elastic bands where you use the pump to pull the erection, so you have an erection, you have
an erection full of blood, and then you put a ring around your penis and that ring holds the blood
in your penis that holds your erection. That’s another device that I didn’t talk about.
But yes, that can be done also. But typically, when we’re talking about cock rings we’re not
talking about cock rings to keep our erection. Mostly cock rings are just used for jewelry and for
enhancement. But a cock ring is not necessarily a erectile dysfunction device.
Mr. Jones 1:12:26
Okay, well, this has been…
Mrs. Jones 1:12:28
It’ been very educational. I just learned a lot about penises.
Mr. Jones 1:12:33 Or is it penii?
Mrs. Jones 1:12:34 Yeah. What is it?
Mrs. Night 1:12:35
Not sure. Good question.
Mr. Night 1:12:36 I dunno.
Mr. Jones 1:12:41
Well, we thank you guys again. And, you know, we’ve got one more topic to talk about with you guys.
And we’re going to talk about STIs. Probably next month. We’re doing this because we’re all
concerned about health right now. And there’s not a lot of lifestyle stuff going on.
Mrs. Jones 1:12:58
No. So at least it’s sexy health.
Mr. Night 1:13:02
Well, I’ve enjoyed this. We’ve had a lot to talk about, and work through a lot of things. So
hopefully we’ll help a lot of people.
Mrs. Jones 1:13:09 I hope so.
Mr. Jones 1:13:11
Thanks again and you guys stay safe. And as we’re, as we’re starting to reengage with the
lifestyle, just be careful out there and make good decisions. You know, inform yourself the best
you can and, you know, we’ve got to get back out and start living life sometime.
Mrs. Jones 1:13:25 I guess so.
Mr. Night 1:13:27 It’s time It’s time.
Mr. Jones 1:13:29 All right, good night.
Mrs. Jones 1:13:31 Take care.
Mr. Night 1:13:32 Thank you.
Mrs. Jones 1:13:33
Okay, I hope you enjoyed our conversation number two with Mr. And Mrs. Night. That was a lot to
take in.
Mr. Jones 1:13:41
It was. I learned a lot.
Mrs. Jones 1:13:44
Yeah, I learned a lot too. You know, I I think there’s just, there’s so much to consider when
you’re talking about, you know, the actual medical aspect of things working right versus the whole
baggage that we sometimes bring to the bedroom, as far as, you know, anxiety, and all the newness
of everything, and I know that it messes with all of our heads, and then you know, when certain
body parts are directly connected to your emotions and that whole fight – you know, like Mr. Night
said, you know, if you’re in fight or flight mode, your penis is not interested in what’s going on
around it at that moment in time.
Mr. Jones 1:14:27
I think the technical word, the medical term he used there was droopy. But you know, I mean, I have
to say, as a guy, and well, first of all, I should say that about a year ago, I started noticing a
difference in my ability to maintain an erection. I had no problems getting one, but when a play
session lasts 45 minutes or an hour or an hour and a half or longer, I found that I would lose it
and then it would be a little bit more difficult to get back. So fortunately, it’s about the time
that Viagra went generic.
Mrs. Jones 1:15:10
Yeah, that was convenient.
Mr. Jones 1:15:11
Yeah. So I do have a prescription, and I don’t normally take it when I’m at home, but when we’re
going to an event, or we’re gonna go to Desire for a long week, and I’m anticipating that I’m
hoping to be fairly active.
Mrs. Jones 1:15:27
Well, we’re hoping to get lucky. But we know that it’s going to be a long week, we’re going to be
sleep deprived, and we’re not going – you know, we’re going to be off of our schedule, and
drinking. So all of those things really work against you, especially over a longer period of time.
Like, you know, anybody can like power through for 48 hours or whatever, but when you’re someplace
for a week, you get tired.
Mr. Jones 1:15:51
And I know what a lot of guys feel like, I mean, I’ve felt it lately too. And that is, you know,
for all these years or even now with your wife, or your partner, you have no problems, and all of a
sudden you do, and it’s confusing, and we don’t really know how to address it, and we’re a little
bit ashamed to kind of talk about it because it’s never been an issue before. So you know, when we
were talking to the Nights and you know, I mentioned how you ladies can talk about anything and
sometimes I think us guys don’t stop and think about body image issues or maybe penis image issues
that we have.
Mrs. Jones 1:16:34
Right. Well, you know, I never really thought about like, you know, men having self confidence
issues because you guys are all bravado and I think ladies are more willing to admit we have self
confidence issues, especially those of us that are moms, and we’ve given birth. Because, you know,
almost every single lady has her body changed permanently. When you choose to have a baby, and of
course it’s worth it. I mean, it’s a battle scar for something amazing that just happened. But, you
know, so we’re really willing to admit that we have self confidence issues, and we have a tangible
reason for it. You know, you guys really don’t have that excuse. You have not had something
traumatic like that happened to your body, It’s just an aging process.
And I don’t think you guys are as willing to, you know, talk about stuff like, like we were
mentioning earlier. So I think that – sometimes I swear, when you guys play, you need those words
of affirmation, and you need that tangible evidence that you’re doing a good job. You know, like,
guys are like really into women squirting. I think you all are into it more than we are. I mean,
and I that is a huge generalization, and I know some women really, really enjoy it. And I can do it
too on occasion. I usually don’t like doing it because I’m weird and I think it’s messy.
And I don’t know, it’s just, I don’t know. But when you get there, you know, you kind of cross that
point of no return. I think this is just me putting words in guys heads. I think you guys like it
because you’ve accomplished something. And you know you have because there’s like tangible physical
evidence that you’ve accomplished something. Sometimes, like when we have orgasms, our orgasms can
be very calm and quiet. Like some women, you can’t really tell if they’ve had an orgasm or not. You
know, so if you can make a woman squirt, then all of a sudden that’s like an ego booster for y’all.
Does that make sense?
Mr. Jones 1:18:43 It does, you know.
Mrs. Jones 1:18:44
Do you agree with that?
Mr. Jones 1:18:45
Well, I do agree with that. Because when we ejaculate there’s evidence.
Mrs. Jones 1:18:50 Right. Right. Right, right.
Mr. Jones 1:18:51
And so a woman is gonna look at that and say she helped to contribute to that.
Mrs. Jones 1:18:57
I know. It’s a pretty powerful feeling to know that you’ve helped a guy accomplish that.
Mr. Jones 1:19:02
Yeah. But on the other hand, I think that when you’re soft, and you can’t even get inside a woman,
neither one of you is gonna have an ejaculation – or the man is not going to ejaculate, nor is the
woman going to have an orgasm because of that particular act. So there’s a sense that we’re, yes,
we’re embarrassed, but we’re also letting you down. Or we’re letting the other woman down. And then
you’re with another beautiful woman, and the first thing you think is, oh, my gosh, what is going
on? She’s beautiful. I’ve been waiting all this time. Now she’s gonna think less of me. And it’s a
spiral downhill. So I agree with you. But what I wanted to kind of just talk about personally is
that I don’t think men – I did not – I’m not going to generalize. I did not have a good self image
of that particular part of my body. Because when we were growing up, it was you know, you were
ashamed of it, you kept it hidden in the locker room, you walked into the shower with towel wrapped
around you, you know, and you know, people point, you know, don’t look, and oh, yours is big or
yours is small, and growing up as a guy in that environment, I don’t think – it seemed normal, but
later on, I’m like, it’s – look at it. It’s, it’s not attractive. It’s in the way. Because I’m
looking at a woman’s body and a woman’s body is just absolutely stunning and amazing. And I’m
looking at that part of my body and saying, this is awkward, the thing just sticks out. So I didn’t
have really a good positive image of that until much later in life.
And even more so now in the lifestyle because it’s turned around and you get compliments. So, you
know, back to your words of affirmation. Guys really need to hear that. We really need the
encouragement. We might not admit it, but we do really need that encouragement.
Mrs. Jones 1:20:54
So like dirty talk is like extra helpful, is that what you’re saying?
Mr. Jones 1:20:59
Yes. Well, yes, it just feels good. I mean, even feedback like, uh yeah, this really feels good.
Or, you’re going to make me cum, or keep doing that, or you look amazing, or your hands are
amazing, or you know, anything like that is going to help a guy, especially if things aren’t
working below the waist. You know, as you ladies always say, there’s other things that we can do.
So we need to encourage men at that point in time, too. And I think overall, it’s a bigger struggle
in the lifestyle than people realize. And guys sometimes have a hard time admitting that there’s
even something wrong. It’s easier just to ignore it and say, oh, that never happened before. That’s
never happened before. There’s nothing wrong with me or I’m just going to take a pill and get over
it. But I think we need to be – we need to check ourselves, and we need to be vulnerable and we
need to open ourselves up like the ladies do. And talk about it. Because as we mentioned, when you
acknowledge it, that’s the first step in getting back to where you need to be.
Mrs. Jones 1:22:00
You know, I really liked it when Mr. Night said, like, admitting it is like, what did he say? Like
a stress reliever, an anxiety reliever. So that’s like the first step to recovering, you know, from
that panic, like oh my god, it’s not working. If you acknowledge it, maybe that will bring that
stress level down enough where you can kind of – not laugh it off, but just kind of, okay, now what
are we going to do? And maybe you can recover.
Mr. Jones 1:22:26
Right. And you know, what we didn’t talk about, which you and I have talked about before, is if we
don’t say anything, not only is it bad for me as a guy, but you as the other woman, I leave and you
think, what did I do wrong?
Mrs. Jones 1:22:37 Right. I’m confused.
Mr. Jones 1:22:38
He doesn’t think I’m beautiful.
Mrs. Jones 1:22:39
You know, I don’t really know that I’ve done anything, think I’ve done anything wrong, but it’s,
what am I not doing right? You know, and then I get – and I can be part of the problem because then
I get – I don’t withdraw necessarily, but I don’t get brave enough to say, what can I do to
help you? You know, so ladies, we have to force ourselves to do that. Because, you know, you’ve,
it’s happening, like, now what? You can’t all just like withdraw into your corner. That’s not gonna
be any fun.
Mr. Jones 1:23:09
Anyway, before we wrap up, I think the key here is talking about it, that’s what we don’t do.
That’s what guys don’t like to do. So acknowledging it, especially, and I mean it’s embarrassing to
admit to your wife, because she’s never seen you in that state before. You’ve always performed for
her. So it’s embarrassing. So the key to talk about it with your wife or your partner, talk about
it with another couple. And it’s a stigma that you – the stigma is not talking about it, you know,
we just want to jump to the pill, and there’s nothing wrong with the pill. I mean, I’m using it
myself. But it doesn’t substitute for everything else that we talked about tonight, and that is
your health and your wellness and exercising and diet and all that, and the alcohol. All of that
stuff affects you. But really, when it comes down to it, you know, it’s talking about it and
acknowledging what the issue is to get by it.
Mrs. Jones 1:24:00
Well and figuring out, you know, to not – because if you’re just acknowledging it and figuring out
in the moment what to do to get by, and, you know, it’s still causing stress and it’s still
interrupting the fun part of the evening. So if you can, like acknowledge it and communicate about
it and come up with a strategy, like if it happens again, you know, what plan can we have put in
place to switch to, so it could just take the pressure off, and then maybe you can recover. But
you’re never going to get there if you don’t acknowledge it and talk about it and, and I don’t want
to say plan for it, but know that it’s a possibility, I guess.
Mr. Jones 1:24:41
Yeah. Okay. Well, we have – it’s time for snapshots.
Mrs. Jones 1:24:47 It is.
Mr. Jones 1:24:48
And we have something special for it.
Mrs. Jones 1:24:51 Yes, we do.
Mr. Jones 1:24:53
Some might think it’s a cop out but – so it’s been three months since we’ve had a lifestyle
experience with another couple. Almost.
Mrs. Jones 1:25:01
Well, we’ve been locked in our house for three months. Yeah.
Mr. Jones 1:25:03
We’ve run out of snapshots. And we’ve talked about each other enough. I think.
Mrs. Jones 1:25:07
Yeah. Yeah, we’re going retro, we’re going we’re doing a vintage snapshot.
Mr. Jones 1:25:11
So we’re going back to the vault. What you’re gonna hear tonight is Mr. Jones and Mrs. Jones’
snapshot from Episode Number one, on very first podcast. You’ll be able to tell how new…
Mrs. Jones 1:25:23
The good old days, the good old days. Hopefully next month, we’ll have like a real, you know, a
real time snapshot.
Mr. Jones 1:25:32
I’m hoping so. So, anyway, thank you to the Nights again, and thank you for listening. We’d love to
get your feedback on this episode. And when we come back, you’re gonna hear a five and a half year
younger version of the Joneses share a snapshot.
Mrs. Jones 1:25:48 That’s right. [Music]
On each one of our podcasts we have something that we always share when we come home from any kind
of lifestyle encounter that we have. And I always call it, what’s your snapshot? So usually during
the evening when we’re playing with another couple or it doesn’t even have to be playing, it could
just be out to dinner with them or whatever. You know how you always have like that one takeaway,
that one mental image or that one, like soundbite of something that was said that night. For me,
it’s usually a visual image. And I guess the one I wanted to share tonight was we were on kind of
our second date with this younger couple that we mentioned, that we have recently met, and we were
at a beautiful restaurant. It was a nice fall evening and we’re in a beautiful restaurant in a nice
city near a river and sitting outside sharing a meal together and we kind of had a private table.
So we felt like we could have, you know, open and frank conversation with one another, and the
first time we got together with them it was very surface level as far as talking about our sexual
experiences and and what we were looking for in a couple that we wanted to interact with. So this
was our second date. So we were a little bit more forthcoming because I think both couples knew
that we wanted to end up playing eventually.
And we were trying to figure out you know, where we stood as far as experience and and what
kind of fantasies we wanted to have fulfilled, and those types of conversations. So we were talking
about oral sex, and the the other lady in the couple, she was talking about how she had never gone
down on another woman. She had had a woman go down on her before, but she had never gone down on
another woman. She was explaining this to us. And in the meantime, our server had come up from
behind her and was just patiently waiting to see if anybody needed
anything. So she’s – the server’s standing there listening to this conversation. And the poor lady
that was explaining her level of experience with oral sex was clueless that the server was behind
her. So, you know, just after she finished her conversation, the server said, can I get you guys
anything, and she was just perfectly professional, and went on herway. And you know, we were just
laughing because you know, where else but in the lifestyle would you be talking about the intimate
details of oral sex at this beautiful restaurant on a gorgeous fall evening?
Mr. Jones 1:26:58
Yeah, that’s great dinner conversation if you ask me. So that’s your snapshot?
Mrs. Jones 1:28:40 That’s just one of them.
Mr. Jones 1:28:41 That’s just one of them.
Mrs. Jones 1:28:42 Stay tuned.
Mr. Jones 1:28:43
Yeah, I mean, so my snapshot is, I’m gonna change – I’m gonna change my snapshot to – you mentioned
earlier and you know what, this is the second time we’ve we’ve we kind of did a practice podcast on
this and so I’m going to change from what I said the first time. And I have to say that Mrs. Jones
is dressed the part tonight. So we made sure that we had some afternoon appetizers and happy hour
before we podcasted today, and she is across from me in a leopard print – is it a dress?
Mrs. Jones 1:29:19 You could call it that.
Mr. Jones 1:29:21
It’s a cross between lingerie and a dress and…
Mrs. Jones 1:29:25
I dressed for dinner. I’m getting ready to cook dinner.
Mr. Jones 1:29:26
A lot of cleavage that I’ve had to look at for the past hour across from this microphone. And
earlier you were talking about the fact that I kept throwing this out about having a threesome. I’m
not going to say that every guy has this fantasy but I’m gonna go ahead and say every guy has this
fantasy. And, you know, every opportunity that I got, I don’t know that I said it a lot but I have
said a number of times over 30 years, you know, well when we have our first threesome… And maybe
I’m like, like Johnny Appleseed. I’m planting these seeds and eventually, you know,
they’re gonna grow one day. Never really imagining that that they would, but my snapshot, when we
went to Desire the first time and we met this other couple and you didn’t really know, Mrs.
Jones, you really didn’t know if you were attracted to other women or you know…
Mrs. Jones 1:29:37 I didn’t think I was.
Mr. Jones 1:29:57
Yeah, you didn’t think you were, but you had said, well, you know if we found the right person that
you might do it just for me, you know, just so I could see, but you’d never really said that you
would, you know have oral sex or be with this woman. It was only you know, I would kiss or flirt
with her and anyway, we met this couple and you you two ladies kind of just connected and we went
into the playroom at Pearl and the two of you just, for some reason, just connected and came
together. And started making out and I just about, I’m glad for my sake that I didn’t pass out. But
I found myself not breathing based on what I was seeing and, and the other guy of the lady that you
were with, he he had a grin, you know, ear to ear and he and I just kind of blended into the sofa
and sat there and watched you two connect, and I can’t describe – I can only say that if, guys if
you’re – and ladies, if you ever find an opportunity to do that, you won’t be disappointed as far
as the guys are concerned because it was it was an amazing snapshot and an image that – and
you’ve done it since then. But that connection in the first time and the fact that for 30 years,
you know I kind of had this fantasy and then it’s playing itself out in front of me, and I just can
kind of keep looping that film back over and over in my mind. And, and so not only was I watching
you with another woman, but then you turned into a bit of the aggressor. You pushed her back and
went down on her. And that again kind of just shocked me. It floored me.
And then, you know, I was realizing that, wait a minute, she’s not doing this for me anymore.
She’s liking this! And so during that 15 or 20 minutes that you two were together, it was just an
amazing an amazing thing to see.
Mrs. Jones 1:32:49
All right, that was an interesting blast from the past.
Mr. Jones 1:32:52 Yeah, it was.
Mrs. Jones 1:32:53
The naive Joneses. Just gettin our feet wet.
Mr. Jones 1:32:58
Gosh, it seems like it was yesterday.
Mrs. Jones 1:32:59 I know.
Mr. Jones 1:33:00
If we would have known then what we know now or vice versa. Here we are five and a half years
later.
Mrs. Jones 1:33:08
Yes. Well, we are determined to get back out there in some form. To do it responsibly and safely
and we’ll report back what re-entry is going to look like and feel like.
Mr. Jones 1:33:24
We will. In the meantime we really would like to invite you to join our We Gotta Thing members
community, and you can find more information on that on our website at wegottathing.com. You can
also contact us through our website or you can email me directly at [email protected].
Mrs. Jones 1:33:42
Or me at [email protected].
Mr. Jones 1:33:46
You can follow us on Twitter @wegottathing.
Mrs. Jones 1:33:48
And we’re also on Pinterest. And you can also join Kasidie or Double Date Nation and you can find
links on our website to do that for have some free time to try it out.
Mr. Jones 1:34:02 And also SDC.
Mrs. Jones 1:34:03 That’s right.
Mr. Jones 1:34:04
Yes. So, thanks for listening. We are Mr. and Mrs. Jones and we got a thing. Mrs. Jones 1:34:09
What’s your thing? [Music][/vc_column_text][/vc_tta_section][/vc_tta_accordion][/vc_column][/vc_row]