If you have listened to our most recent podcast, you know that we’ve been thinking and talking a lot about the unique challenges that come along with the re-opening of social activities following the Covid-19 shut down. As swinger couples venture out there again after a long hiatus imposed by the pandemic, we are facing some of the same feelings and questions we may have faced when we first started out. And couples who were jussssst starting to think about entering the lifestyle when Covid-19 hit and had to put their fantasies and plans on a back-burner for many months are now more-or-less back at square one.
Dedicated listeners and followers will not be surprised to hear that what we recommend above all at this point — for new couples starting out as well as experienced couples re-entering the mix — is a lot of communication. Below are some of the conversation items we hope folks are discussing with each other before playing for the first time, or the first time….again.
What’s Your Why? | Begin by talking about what each of you hope to get out of the lifestyle, as well as what you hope to bring to it. This can change over time…so what is it right now for each of you individually, and for you as a couple? Where do you differ? Where’s your common ground?
What Do You Want to Experience? | Talk about your fantasies and what you’d like to experience, both physically and in terms of igniting passion within your relationship.
What Don’t You Want to Experience? | For new couples, these last 2 questions may be purely theoretical right now. For experienced swingers, it’s important to ask ourselves and each other if anything has changed. Maybe you no longer want to do full-swap, at least for a while. Maybe you want to change how often you meet and play with others. Are vacations, events, and parties still off the table? Maybe you want to change the places or ways you meet and play with others. Or, maybe you’re ready to pick up right where you left off.
How Will You Keep Yourself and Others Safe? | What risk can you take on? If you have little ones or elderly folks in your daily sphere, you want to talk about how Covid-19 continues to impact your choices and how much risk you can take on when it comes to meeting and playing with others. What will your boundaries, rules, and limitations be for not only safe sexual practices, but also safe interaction in social settings? These days, not everyone is comfortable with the same level of proximity mask-free at first. Be sure to talk with each other (and with potential playmates) about everyone’s level of comfort as you are meeting up and getting to know one another.
How Will You Communicate In The Moment? | Before you venture out to meet and/or play with another couple or single — talk (or re-talk) about how you will communicate with each other before, during, and after to make sure each of you is on the same page, comfortable, and enjoying the experience. Remember that it’s always OK to pause the activity and step aside to have a chat and check in with each other. You are beholden only to your own relationship, so if the other couple or single minds you asking for a moment to check-in with each other…that may be a red flag.
If you have a dating profile on Double Date Nation or other swinger dating sites, you may also want to talk about whether anything you’ve posted there needs to be updated to reflect any changes in your play style, desires, and “likes.”
It’s exciting and exhilarating to think about the possibilities opening up as many people get vaccinated and the CDC lifts social distancing and mask-wearing requirements, but we all want to do it smart and safely for ourselves and each other. Those in the lifestyle tend to be very accommodating to others’ differences, desires, and limitations — which puts us at an advantage, perhaps. But it starts with us knowing what we want and need (and what we don’t) before we venture out…and that starts with communication.