How Do We “Find” Other Swingers? By Mr Jones

How Do We “Find” Other Swingers? By Mr Jones

A simple answer to this question could very well be the “holy grail” for both those already in or curious about the swinging lifestyle.  Shouldn’t be too difficult, right? Finding swingers in public? After all, we know “they” are out there somewhere. Come to think of it “they” could be right here with us now.  On this cruise, at this resort, on this airplane, in this restaurant, in this bar, in this office, in this church or maybe even in this neighborhood. Heck, “they” might even be in this family (sorry, had to go there)!

Most polite curiosities about others begin with routine questions and if we are honest, answers that really aren’t so exciting. What’s your favorite team? What church do you attend? What do you do for a living? Where do you live? Do you have children? How long have you been together? Where are you from? What do you do for recreation?

So, let’s try it.  “Are you two swingers?”

Umm, yeah.  That’s not an option.

So then, what about hoping that “they” find us? Would that be easier?  Ask yourself this: if a couple (who are swingers) asks you if you are swingers (and you are but you don’t know they are), would you say yes?  Not so easy from that angle either. Back to the old drawing board.

So why is this so difficult to overcome? Simple. It’s the risk of the false-positive.  One wrong question or answer and you’ve outed yourselves.

There’s got to be an easier way.  How about wearing the black ring on your right ring finger or some other “swinger” jewelry? How about a unicorn shirt or an upside down pineapple in your grocery cart? White rocks at the end of the driveway?  Well these ideas all look good on paper and are a lot of fun to joke about but in reality they are not measurably effective at all. We’ve worn black rings for years and only had one couple ask about them (and they were NOT in the lifestyle so we lied)!

Like many other characteristics of the lifestyle, there is no easy button answer for this one nor should we expect to find one.

Our method of finding new friends in public takes time, energy, patience, perseverance and teamwork but we like to make it fun!  Also, our goal is not to “find and have sex with” another couple, it’s to meet another couple, get to know them and see where things go.  We’ve deployed this method on many “non-lifestyle” vacations, trips or evenings out on the town.

It starts with noticing a person or couple and discussing how attractive they are to us. Then one of us has to make the first move and introduce ourselves (the hard part).  After that, we just start talking (the easy part). It always amazes me how others respond. Without exception, couples smile and engage in conversation. Sometimes it doesn’t last long but other times we end up making lifelong friends.  While we have not “played” with any of these couples (yet) we still enjoy a similar social relationship to our lifestyle friendships. We talk, we laugh, we share, we don’t judge, we are vulnerable, open and honest (and there is usually physical chemistry).

So instead of trying to find the easy button and have swingers “poof” appear before you because of what swinger paraphernalia you might be wearing, take the time necessary to reach out, start a dialogue and be open to where the conversation might go and where the relationship might lead.  You never know, it might end up in the playroom!

6 Comments
  • Betty Childs
    Posted at 23:21h, 16 September Reply

    Wouldn’t it be nice if we could just make a couple appear magically? In reality, sadly it doesn’t work that way. This lifestyle takes work and patience from what I’ve found. Don’t be scared to reach out, otherwise we’ll never know what friendships we could be missing out on. Thanks for your insights, as always great advice!

    • Mr. Jones
      Posted at 01:22h, 17 September Reply

      Wise words! Thanks for sharing..

  • Oliver Klozoff
    Posted at 12:58h, 18 September Reply

    We were sitting in a hot tub at a ski resort one night several years ago, pre-LS. After about an hour of chatting it up with another couple, laughing, drinking, getting to know each other, the wife asked how long we’d been married. We told her 13 years. Her response: “Wow, that’s great. So, how do you guys manage to keep it interesting after all those years?”

    It didn’t hit me until a loooong time afterward that she was opening the door. If the stars seem to be aligning, that question is a great, subtle way to test the waters. (We had some dumb response that led nowhere, btw.)

    • Mr. Jones
      Posted at 23:51h, 19 September Reply

      Live and learn, you’ll be better prepared next time!

  • Capps
    Posted at 20:04h, 09 October Reply

    I have more of a question than a comment, my husband wants to have sex with another woman but I’m uncomfortable with the whole idea how can I overcome it? He says he really wants to do this and it won’t go away so I told him we can try it once but every time I think about it I get sick to my stomach because I can’t even think about having sex with someone else let alone seeing my husband doing it

    • Mr. Jones
      Posted at 09:11h, 10 October Reply

      This may be more appropriate to reply to as an email. Feel free to send me one! Mr J

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