A simple answer to this question could very well be the “holy grail” for both those already in or curious about the swinging lifestyle. Shouldn’t be too difficult, right? Finding swingers in public? After all, we know “they” are out there somewhere. Come to think of it “they” could be right here with us now. On this cruise, at this resort, on this airplane, in this restaurant, in this bar, in this office, in this church or maybe even in this neighborhood. Heck, “they” might even be in this family (sorry, had to go there)!
Most polite curiosities about others begin with routine questions and if we are honest, answers that really aren’t so exciting. What’s your favorite team? What church do you attend? What do you do for a living? Where do you live? Do you have children? How long have you been together? Where are you from? What do you do for recreation?
So, let’s try it. “Are you two swingers?”
Umm, yeah. That’s not an option.
So then, what about hoping that “they” find us? Would that be easier? Ask yourself this: if a couple (who are swingers) asks you if you are swingers (and you are but you don’t know they are), would you say yes? Not so easy from that angle either. Back to the old drawing board.
So why is this so difficult to overcome? Simple. It’s the risk of the false-positive. One wrong question or answer and you’ve outed yourselves.
There’s got to be an easier way. How about wearing the black ring on your right ring finger or some other “swinger” jewelry? How about a unicorn shirt or an upside down pineapple in your grocery cart? White rocks at the end of the driveway? Well these ideas all look good on paper and are a lot of fun to joke about but in reality they are not measurably effective at all. We’ve worn black rings for years and only had one couple ask about them (and they were NOT in the lifestyle so we lied)!
Like many other characteristics of the lifestyle, there is no easy button answer for this one nor should we expect to find one.
Our method of finding new friends in public takes time, energy, patience, perseverance and teamwork but we like to make it fun! Also, our goal is not to “find and have sex with” another couple, it’s to meet another couple, get to know them and see where things go. We’ve deployed this method on many “non-lifestyle” vacations, trips or evenings out on the town.
It starts with noticing a person or couple and discussing how attractive they are to us. Then one of us has to make the first move and introduce ourselves (the hard part). After that, we just start talking (the easy part). It always amazes me how others respond. Without exception, couples smile and engage in conversation. Sometimes it doesn’t last long but other times we end up making lifelong friends. While we have not “played” with any of these couples (yet) we still enjoy a similar social relationship to our lifestyle friendships. We talk, we laugh, we share, we don’t judge, we are vulnerable, open and honest (and there is usually physical chemistry).
So instead of trying to find the easy button and have swingers “poof” appear before you because of what swinger paraphernalia you might be wearing, take the time necessary to reach out, start a dialogue and be open to where the conversation might go and where the relationship might lead. You never know, it might end up in the playroom!