I Am a Better Person Because I Am a Swinger!

A Guest Blog Post by “2WheelsNHeels”

Many articles and blog posts talk about the benefits of being in the Lifestyle.  There are the obvious ones—really great, fun, exciting, and sometimes taboo sex; communication enhancements with your significant other; meeting new friends and experiencing a side of life that few get to experience.  But I have found that the biggest benefit from being in the lifestyle is that I am now a better person because of it!

When we started swinging more than two years ago, we listened to a lot of podcasts and started to understand the different ways that couples interact in the lifestyle.  We learned that what we prefer is to be Social Swingers—those that are interested more in the social relationships that are created in pursuing non-monogamy. Although the sex is fun—it is not the ultimate goal.  The goal is to develop great friendships within which we have great sex. This is subtle, and sometimes others judge us for sticking to this philosophy. Many think the lifestyle is about the sex and continually pushing boundaries and pursuing that next accomplishment on the list of sexual experiences.  We do not judge people for their style of play; we just know that isn’t for us. The pleasure we get from encounters with those we know, trust, and respect is far greater than the encounters with one-night stands. Don’t get me wrong, the excitement of single-encounter sex is exhilarating—but for us it is short-lived, and we don’t want to get into a pattern of seeking that next elusive high.

There, then, is the connection to why swinging has made me a better person.  Hands down, the relationships we have developed in the lifestyle are the best social relationships we have ever had.  In all other areas—community, church, work—although we have friends and acquaintances, they are not as close as they are with our lifestyle friends.  Deep relationships are built on communication and vulnerability, and lifestyle relationships (in our social style) force us to give more of ourselves, communicate more transparently, and seek greater understanding of others than is true of other social relationships.  To develop such relationships requires me to give more of myself to both our friends and to my wife. It forces me to understand myself better, and to see others in a way that I never have before. My judgement of people different than me has faded and been replaced by a growing desire to accept people for who they are.  Now I don’t seek to surround myself with people that think and act just like I do—I purposefully put myself in situations where there is growth in the discovery of differences, and then try to find ways to connect and communicate.

So, this is why I am a better person because of being in the lifestyle.  Although they don’t know the catalyst, I can see that others are recognizing that I am a better person too.  I have better relationships at work and in our community; I am a better communicator in all aspects of my professional and personal life; and I am seeing a side of me that I never felt comfortable to expose.  I am certainly a better partner to my wife, and our trust and communication has flourished. All of this is because the lifestyle has given me insight into how to develop deeper relationships with others.

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