The Irresistible Trap of Making Assumptions

The Irresistible Trap of Making Assumptions

I just knew we’d been “ghosted” and couldn’t wait to blog about being treated in such a disrespectful (yet somewhat amusing) way.  Mrs. Jones and I received an email from another couple on our personal local lifestyle dating site.  The message went something like this:
“We really enjoyed what we have seen in your profile, stop by ours when you get a chance and let us know if you have any interest.  We’d love to exchange access to private pictures and possibly meet for a drink!”

So far so good, a very direct message from a couple who both took the time to review our profile, impressive!  I shared their message and profile with Mrs. Jones and received the “green light” to proceed.

“Thank you both so much for taking the time to review our profile and for reaching out, we are flattered!  We’ve both perused your profile and are interested in continuing the conversation, we’ve opened up our pictures and look forward to seeing yours.”
Within a few hours came the next reply: “Thanks for sharing your beautiful pictures, we’d love to chat sometime.  We’ve opened ours as well, hope you have a great day!”

The next day we replied: “Thanks, you guys look awesome and we appreciate you trusting us with your sexy pictures.  Our Saturdays are booked for the next few weeks but we’ll be in your area on a Friday night in two weeks, let us know if you’d like to meet for drinks or dinner.”

Things are shaping up nicely and within two hours their next reply arrives: “Thanks for the kind words, we feel the same way about you guys.  I think we can make next Friday work, let me check with my wife and get back with you!”

After a barrage of consistent and timely “back and forths” a whole day goes by.  Then another.  Then two more days.  Then a thought occurs to me, is it possible we’d been ghosted?  Another day passes without a message and now I’m certain of it.  But maybe I’m overreacting or maybe they’re busy with life, or maybe….she never knew about him reaching out!  I notice all the messages are formatted the same way, the tone is the same, yes, definitely written by the same person.  Him.  It’s starting to make more sense, he’s attracted to my wife and acted alone, without permission.  Now he’s shown her (if she even exists) and she’s not interested.  He doesn’t know what to do, so he does nothing.  Ghosts us.  Yep, I’m certain of it!  I’m an experienced lifestyler WITH A PODCAST, I can’t possibly be wrong!
After presenting my airtight case to Mrs. Jones she says, “I don’t know honey, maybe you’re right.”  The word maybe jumps out at me and after a brief feeling of defensiveness I realize what I’ve done.  Assumed.  How do I know they’ve ghosted?  I don’t.  So I decide to give them one more chance before I present my case to our jury of blog readers:

“Since we haven’t heard anything we thought we’d check again to see if you’re still interested and available for dinner Friday night before we make other plans.”

Almost immediately we receive a reply: “We are so sorry for the slow reply, we were being a bit selfish.  We really want to meet you but we have a potential conflict as we are having to prep my in-law’s house to sell.  We were really hoping to have a more definitive answer by today.  As of now we can make it but our plans may change at the last moment so if you decide to make other plans we completely understand.  Again, accept our apology for the slow response.”

Well sh*t.  There it is, a completely real, honest response with a legitimate reason for the delay in getting back to us.  I was so convinced I was the victim, but all the while this couple was attempting to juggle their priorities to make themselves available to our invitation.  Hmm, we may have just podcasted about that…

I believe making assumptions and judgements are human characteristics to which we are all vulnerable and may have more to do with “us” than “them.” Fortunately, how I responded to my assumption (thanks to Mrs. Jones’ level head) allowed for the truth to emerge before an opportunity was lost and feelings hurt.

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