We are No Ken and Barbie

We see this popular phrase over and over again in online profiles on lifestyle dating websites.  It’s meant to send a reassuring message to prospective couples that “we aren’t perfect and you don’t need to be either.”  It’s a nice thing to hear since many of us perceive our own flaws as far more obvious than the equally flawed bodies of others.

Over the past few years many couples interested in trying the lifestyle have shared their fears about feeling attractive enough to be in the lifestyle.  Listeners hear us say the word “beautiful” on our podcast and think the person or couple we are describing could not possibly look like them.  They render a picture in their mind to associate it with a word we say and draw unrealistic conclusions.

Or they join an online messaging group and then hastily leave because they feel they can’t “compete” with the sexy pictures being shared.  Or they decide not to book a trip to a clothing optional resort because they see all of the pictures of super attractive models on the website and can’t imagine fitting in and relaxing with such a crowd.

The idea that someone else has a perfect body is crazy, right?  You should simply put yourself out there and be confident in who you are, right?  Every business markets their products with sexy actors so why should it be different in the lifestyle business world, right?  
It’s easier for some of us to think such things after we’ve been in the lifestyle a few years but sometimes we forget what it was like peering into this crazy and intimidating world from the outside.  We also forget that some people think and feel differently from us.  Some are introverts, some struggle with guilt, some are simply looking for the right gateway or couple to usher them forward at their pace and style.

Yes, of course everyone “should” boldly step out of their comfort zone and experience the freedom, confidence and growth the lifestyle has to offer.  But what (if anything) should we as experienced lifestyle couples do to help?  Telling someone to be confident is easy compared to taking the time to help guide them personally to the next level.

Why invest the time and energy in others to help make this happen?  This seems like a win-win scenario to me: those cautious and curious newbies and wannabies get all the benefits from engaging in the lifestyle and those of us in the lifestyle get some sexy new play partners!

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