Soft Swap or Full Swap?

For the first 18 months of our lifestyle journey, Mr Jones and I were a soft swap couple.  We didn’t feel the need to “progress” to full swap just so that we could check it off of some mystical lifestyle list.  Playing with other couples without the added complications that full swap sex can bring was enough for us at that time.  What complications you ask?  Well, there are quite a few of them.

First and foremost, condoms are necessary with full swap sex.  Yes, some couples will go bareback with others (no condoms required), usually with close friends in the lifestyle that they have come to know and trust.  But adding the decision of trusting someone enough to forego condom use adds another layer of potential conflict to the lifestyle experience.  So we always use condoms.  Yes, at the age of 50 Mr Jones had to practice using condoms for the first time in 30 years!  We did have fun trying out the many types and brands to find the one that works best for us, but overall they are just a necessary evil.

Second, you need to consider your feelings when considering full swap.  Sometimes watching your partner have penetrative sex with another person can be a lot to deal with.  Feelings of insecurity or jealousy can surface without warning.  Which can lead to misunderstandings in the long run and possibly drama in the moment if those feelings catch you off guard.

And then there are performance issues.  Men can struggle with sexual performance for one or more of many reasons.  Too much alcohol, nervousness, anxiety at seeing their partner enjoy attention of someone else, or just the unfamiliarity of playing with someone different.  They say variety is the spice of life, but that variety is sometimes the cause of anxiety that can negatively affect the moment.
So am I saying that I’m not a fan of full swap?  That it’s more trouble than it’s worth?  No, that is definitely not my message.  Full swap with the right couple in the right setting can be oh so much fun!  But my message today is that you shouldn’t overlook the option of soft swap as a fun and satisfying play experience.

Soft swap removes some of the pressure of playing with someone for the first time.  With soft swap you know that you can push some boundaries and be naughty with another sexy couple, but then at the end of the evening you know that you will get to experience the joy and satisfaction of reconnecting with your partner.  You know ahead of time that you are going to swap back to your own partner after enjoying some sexy play with others.  That knowledge can help you avoid some of the uncertainty and anxiety that comes along with opening your sexual relationship to others.

Mr Jones and I can have fun in soft or full swap situations as long as there is good communication and a four way connection with the other couple.  The longer we are in the lifestyle, the less important the details are as long as he and I are on the same page.  Play where your comfort level lies, not where you think it needs to be if you want to be “real” swingers.  Remember me saying that variety is the spice of life?  That spice comes not only from the variety of sexy new partners, it’s also the variety of sexy experiences that you can have when engaging with those sexy friends!

4 Comments
  • C
    Posted at 11:15h, 31 January Reply

    What a Great post. We are a soft swap couple as well and some people have downright made contact and then after discovering we were SS stated that they 1: didn’t read the profile 2: were only interested in being with real swingers. Obviously we feel that they would’ve not been a good fit either. Thanks for your insightful posts and podcasts.

    • Mrs Jones
      Posted at 12:16h, 31 January Reply

      They were only interested in being with “real” swingers. Ugh…..
      Hang in there and stay true to yourselves – that’s sexy!

  • RnK
    Posted at 07:43h, 02 February Reply

    We are SS, we feel LS is about growth between partners not about another notch on a headboard or a end game goal.
    Thank you for the validation.

    • Mrs Jones
      Posted at 10:06h, 02 February Reply

      Agreed! The goal is to have fun and deepen our relationships. There are many sexy ways to accomplish that without requiring a condom…

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