This One Time at Band Camp

by Mr. Sonomapair (@sonomapair)

My wife and I were curious about what to expect from the most recent episode of We Gotta Thing, “Being Bi-Something In the Lifestyle.” As long-time listeners and attendees of a number of the WGT weekend trips, we know Mr. and Mrs. Jones to be accepting and extraordinarily thoughtful. But we had also noticed little support for male bisexuality or acknowledgement of the common bias against it in the Lifestyle community during the first 85 episodes, or from the community at large. 

By way of quick background, my wife and I have been swinging for almost exactly 10 years. My lady half is mostly straight (with some swirls introduced through the years). We’ve done a lot of things we never thought we would — Wait?! I just did what with someone other than my spouse!? — but never has one of those things been any kind of m/m sexual activity. That is, until a few weeks ago. But we’ll come back to that.

Not That There’s Anything Wrong With That

While a staunch LGBTQ ally, I’ve never had any desire for sexual contact with men. Unlike many, I don’t come from a religious background, so I don’t have any “morality/sin” baggage to overcome. I also don’t care what anyone would think of me if I were bisexual. I would actually consider the label something of a badge of honor. But I just was never turned on by m/m sex. If anything, I have considered my lack of interest in it a disappointment because I love sex and the more things I can find that turn me on, the better! 

My wife and I listened to Episode 86 of We Gotta Thing not knowing what to expect. We’ve been bothered almost since we entered the LS by the double standard between female bisexualty (yay!) and male bisexuality (yuck!). We were honestly blown away by how well Mr. and Mrs. Jones treated the subject, particularly Mr. Jones’ honest discussion of being trained by society not to consider his male body sexy or male/male sexuality acceptable or sexy, and his evolution from that time. Like so much else in our life, normalization by exposure tends to change our perspective and makes us less rigid in our biases. Kudos to the Joneses for putting male bisexuality in the LS in that context. Fast forward to the end of the episode and the challenge for all of us to do more than just say “it shouldn’t be taboo.” Instead, we need to help normalize male bisexuality if it is ever going to be more accepted in our community. Challenge accepted.

What Are Your Fantasies?

Now in our 50s, one bit of pillow talk that long ago ran out of steam is, “What are your fantasies?” If years of marriage with open communication didn’t surface them all, then years of amazing experiences in the LS certainly did. Despite numerous buzzed sexy discussions, we haven’t uncovered any new fantasies for years. But even though they’d been manifested into words, there were two of my wife’s fantasies that had never happened. One I felt we’d eventually get to: My wife being penetrated by a guy while someone else goes down on her. The second I didn’t know if I could do for her. She’s always been turned on by free flowing threesomes and foursomes involving some element of male bisexuality. That general interest morphed into a specific fantasy that she made known to me years ago: To see me having sex with a man. 

Whenever that came up I’d get quiet. I so love seeing my wife turned on that almost anything that could get her really fired up, particularly one of the “Willie Wonka golden ticket” fantasies, was something that excited me. At the same time, I just didn’t really know if I could (or frankly, should) do something I wasn’t comfortable with to fulfill her fantasy. But she never pushed it and I doubt ever thought it could happen. 

Wait, There’s a Guy Sucking My Cock!

Fast forward to earlier this year (post vaccination!) when we were vacationing with our “swirly” besties. After a few drinks and maybe with all of us thinking about a possible fun afternoon play session, the topic of mfm and mmfs came up. Our friends had experiences with both and we talked openly about it. A few minutes later, after more sexy conversation, we headed to our rooms with plans to promptly meet up. Whether inspired by a few drinks or the years of trying to wrap my head around it — probably both — I whispered to my wife on our way to change into sexy outfits, “If you and he get a chance to go down on me for a double blowjob, I’d be cool with that.” She was surprised. I think there might have been a “Really?

The play started with each couple making out. My wife and I dispute the timing of what comes next, but I’m writing so you get my version: Four seconds after we’d begun, my wife and the other guy moved to start giving me that double blowjob. (Whether it was 4 seconds or longer as she claims, she was clearly excited by my offer.) I strategically focused on kissing the sexy lady friend, but was truly doubting I was ever going to get an erection. The nice thing about playing with good friends is I was able to be immediately honest and ask to save that for after we got more warmed up. Before long, we were back at it with a fully cooperative erection. I didn’t watch for fear of becoming distracted. In fact I didn’t even know whether it was my wife or the male friend blowing me most of the time. I buried my face in our sexy lady friend who was lying on me, blocking my view.

After a few minutes, the gentleman friend suggested we take a shot at my wife’s other fantasy. We had talked about our list earlier, not as a to-do list but as fun banter before the play session. Kudos to them for taking it as a to-do list anyway! I entered my wife, the other lady went down on her and the other guy was in her mouth. Imagining this scenario for years since she’d first disclosed the fantasy, the scene was one of the hottest I’ve ever had with my wife and one I’ll always remember. She came quickly and enthusiastically. I’m pretty sure the “foreplay” of the double blowjob didn’t hurt. (Thanks again sexy friends!)

So I’m Fabulously Bi Now, Right? (A Fabricated Q&A)

Q: Do I now have more interest in m/m sex or find it more sexually arousing?
A: Not really. I still can’t get excited by the idea of going down on a guy or any penetration. And perhaps surprisingly, kissing seems the most difficult scenario to imagine. I’m not even sure if there will be a repeat performance of the m/f double blowjob, though the barrier there is now much lower.

Q: Am I more interested in open sexuality and multiple scenarios?
A: Yes! I may cringe a little but I may also be pleasantly surprised and open my mind. (As I’m giving Humpfest my credit card information.)

Q: Am I more open to potentially being in a group setting where there is m/m activity to watch?
A: Yes. (That’s my wife you hear cheering in the background.) I do believe greater acceptance is coming.

Q: Can I say for sure I won’t ever try some of those m/m activities that currently don’t seem arousing to me?
A: Not at all. They are not on my agenda, but if I’m ever neutral or positive about trying something and it will make others happy, particularly my wife…well, #neversaynever. 

One thing I know: It’s pretty wonderful to have great friends in this world who are not only sexy, but who may have different preferences and experiences to bring to our time together. Shouldn’t the lifestyle be about adventure and variety, and broadening our sexuality? And our acceptance. 

Menu

Subscribe To Our Newsletter

Join our mailing list to receive the latest news and updates We Gotta Thing

You have Successfully Subscribed!