content adapted from an interactive couples workshop presented by Elle Fusion during the 2019 WGT Austin Meet & Greet Weekend
At the start of a new year, lots and lots of people make promises to themselves to begin (and stick with) a diary or journal. We would like to propose that couples in the Lifestyle may want to consider starting a couple’s journal for sharing thoughts and ideas about your intimate life with each other.
Not sure? Give it a shot before you commit to a whole journal. Try this warm-up exercise:
Each of you write one or two sentences to the other that starts with “I love it when you…” and has to do with your erotic life together.
Exchange what you wrote, and write one or two sentences back.
Then, talk about it. How did it feel to write to your partner? How did it feel to read what your partner wrote?
If you found that exchanging written thoughts with your partner about your intimate life was sorta sexy and fun, then trying a couple’s journal might be for you. Read on for guidelines to ensure that it’s a successful, stress-free, enjoyable endeavor. Here’s what we can promise you: Neither of you needs to see yourselves as a “good writer” to enjoy this.
First, WHY Keep a Couple’s Journal?
There are lots of great reasons to write to one another and read one another’s thoughts about your intimate, erotic life together.
- It can be a sort of foreplay.
- It can be a safe place to share desires.
- You may learn about yourself, as well as your partner.
- It can be fun, funny & whimsical (doesn’t have to be all serious).
- Sometimes, it’s easier to write something than to say it aloud.
- It can be sultry and passionate.
- It may enhance your sex life!
To Write or to Type?
Lots of us exchange sexy texts with our partners and maybe also with our other playmates, and potential playmates. We may send steamy emails from time to time too. An awful lot of us get to know other couples and singles by messaging through apps and dating websites. It’s up to you, as a couple, to decide whether your shared journal should be electronic in format (there are loads of online journaling platforms to try) or whether you prefer to write in an old-fashioned journal you can hold in your hands. Having said that, we will make a pitch for the paper-and-pen version. Here’s why: Handwritten notes can feel much more intimate and personal. There is something sensual about the act of writing (especially with a favorite pen on quality paper) and there’s a certain thrill of recognizing and reading your lover’s handwriting. It’s a sexy, sensory thing that a typed note on screen can’t quite match. Of course, it’s more challenging to include naughty photos in a handwritten journal.
Some Guidelines to Consider
- Talk First. Decide what you want this to be and what you hope it will do for you, as a couple. Form a shared vision for the journal. Some items to consider:
- How often do you want to write? Tip: Don’t set unrealistic expectations. Make it an arrangement that you will not see as a nagging chore.
- How will you let the other person know you’ve added an entry? We like to just leave the journal out on the other person’s pillow, to find whenever they next enter the bedroom. Folks with kids in the house probably want to develop a slightly more secure system.
- What level of raunchiness is okay? Not everyone gets a kick out of extremely graphic expression and some people have language limits or triggers. If an abusive former partner or parent called you a certain name that makes you emotionally flinch whenever you see or hear it, make sure your partner knows that language doesn’t work for you.
- What do you hope this will do for you, as a couple? Talk about the “why” bullet points above and decide what you hope to get out of doing this.
- Most Important: Agree to respond in some way to whatever gets written. The act of sharing your written thoughts with someone else, no matter how close they are to you, is one of vulnerability and trust. Always honor what is written with some kind of response. Writing something intimate and getting no response is emotionally painful for most people.
- Don’t worry about spelling…or grammar, or punctuation, or sentence structure. Read this incredibly romantic, erotic poem by E.E. Cummings:
Right. It’s got all sorts of conventional English ‘mistakes’ in it. Still super hot and we’d say it’s even more intimate for the way the writer has disregarded the conventions. Think of it this way: Your partner accepts—even adores—your body for both its perfection and its flaws. The same will be true of your writing, because it comes from you.
- Have some fun with it. Just like novelty is the secret to keeping your bedroom life hot, changing up the kinds of things you include in your journaling to each other can be, too. Maybe one time you write something very deep, profound, and meaningful and then the next time you write a dirty haiku.
Which brings us to the major hurdle most couples encounter when they consider doing a shared journal…
What Will I Write About?
It’s okay if you like the idea of keeping a shared sexy journal, but don’t quite know what you’d put in it. Here are six possibilities to get you thinking of what you might include in yours.
- Recap Your Adventures | Write about what you recall from a sensual encounter. Kind of like a We Gotta Thing “snapshot.”
- Share Desires | Write about something you’ve fantasized about doing or trying.
- Plagiarize | Share a quotation or lyrics or poem with your partner that you find sexy, arousing, or sweet. (But don’t really plagiarize. Credit the writer. No one wants to think their partner penned something just for them, only to find out later that it was written by someone else).
- Compliment/Praise | Write a note about something you really appreciate about your partner.
- Make Lists | Have fun with this, like “10 things that come to mind when I hear the word sexy.”
- Use Prompts | Try sentence starters or writing prompts like some of the ones below.
- One time, you surprised me (in a good way) by __________________________________.
- I think you look best when you are wearing _______________________________.
- My favorite sex toy is __________________, because ____________________________.
- ________________ always makes me horny.
Want More Prompts?
Folks who join our membership community have access to all 48 of the prompts Elle Fusion shared when she presented this content as a couples workshop at our Austin Meet & Greet weekend event. If you’re a member and you’re not sure how to access those prompts, let us know and we can get it to you. Not a WGT community member? Don’t worry, we’ve got you covered too. Each week we will post a sexy journaling prompt on Twitter to keep your creative juices flowing!