Episode 68 | The ‘Social Sexy’ Lifestyle

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Topic– Some people are either put off by the term “swinger” or have misperceptions of what it really means today. We’ve decided to use the term ‘Social Sexy’ to describe how we view and engage with others in the world of ethical non-monogamy.

Mentioned: Our friend “Ess” is a boudoir photographer. Check him out on Instagram and read his recent blog post on our website![/vc_column_text][/vc_column][/vc_row][vc_row][vc_column][vc_tta_accordion][vc_tta_section title=”Episode Transcript” tab_id=”1586869115006-d2338831-cfef”][vc_column_text]Mr. Jones 0:01

This podcast contains explicit language and content and is for mature audiences only.

 

Mrs. Jones 0:06

Hey, you teenagers out there, if you’re under 18 this show is more for your parents. So now that you have that mental picture stuck in your head, put some music on and get back to doing your homework.

 

Mr. Jones 0:17

We’re a longtime married couple who’s decided to chronicle our personal adventures and share our sex positive discussions as we navigate our way through the swinging lifestyle.

 

Mrs. Jones 0:27

Care to join us? [Music]

 

Mr. Jones 0:46

Hello, everyone, I’m Mr. Jones.

 

Mrs. Jones 0:48

And I’m Mrs. Jones, and we want to welcome you to Episode 68 of the We Gotta Thing podcast.

 

Mr. Jones 0:52

Episode 68: the social sexy lifestyle.

 

Mrs. Jones 0:57

Yup. That’s what we’re all about.

 

Mr. Jones 0:58

But before that, happy anniversary.

 

Mrs. Jones 1:01

I know 35 years this weekend.

 

Mr. Jones 1:04

Yes. 35 years. And I think I finally figured out something about you.

 

Mrs. Jones 1:09

Um… What would that be?

 

Mr. Jones 1:11

Well, last month, we talked about how when I went on my business trip, you took out the trash for the first time.

 

Mrs. Jones 1:19

Yes. I’m sure everyone remembers that story.

 

Mr. Jones 1:22

Yeah, of course they do. So I walked into your office the other day and I, you were sitting in front of your computer and you were just totally engrossed in whatever was on the screen. You kind of had your elbow up and your chin on your hand and you were looking at dreamily into the screen and I thought, oh my gosh, she’s looking at porn.

 

Mrs. Jones 1:40 Oh my gosh.

 

Mr. Jones 1:44

But no, you weren’t looking at porn. You were looking at…

 

Mrs. Jones 1:47

Dishwashers. I was doing you a favor, because everybody knows the dishwasher is not my domain.

 

Mr. Jones 1:56

I know and I did give you permission because after what 12 or 13 years our dishwasher finally bit the dust.

 

Mrs. Jones 2:02

Well, I think it’s like, yeah, 13 years old. And I would have never known that because that’s not my…

 

Mr. Jones 2:08

I know, I run the dishwasher.

 

Mrs. Jones 2:09

Right. So you told me that the dishwasher was dying and you told me that I could start shopping for one.

 

Mr. Jones 2:14

Yeah, I did. I just didn’t expect – when I saw you sitting there, it didn’t look like that’s what you were doing. But anyway…

 

Mrs. Jones 2:22

Okay, so thank you. Happy anniversary.

 

Mr. Jones 2:24

Hey, happy anniversary. That’s your gift.

 

 

Mrs. Jones 2:25

Yes. Okay. I do like getting appliances for my birthday.

 

Mr. Jones 2:28

I know. The other thing that you went gaga over one time was when I bought you that KitchenAid mixer.

 

Mrs. Jones 2:37 Oh, I know…

 

Mr. Jones 2:38 And we still have it.

 

Mrs. Jones 2:39

I know those things last forever.

 

Mr. Jones 2:42

So anyway, she wasn’t looking at porn. She was looking at dishwashers.

 

Mrs. Jones 2:44

No, and I don’t look at porn. So like when I – so I was buying the dishwasher for you. Right? So I’m thinking of you as I’m like picking up the dishwasher. Oh, I wonder if Mr. Jones was like the third rack because they have third racks now and like I wonder how you know, because you’re the one that loads the dishwasher.

 

Mr. Jones 3:00

Oh, you were ticking off the, like, it’s got some sort of a blow dryer on it or,

 

Mrs. Jones  3:04 I know. Air boost.

 

Mr. Jones 3:06

…and it’s got fingerprint resistant, you’re going all down the list. Like you’re getting a little bit more turned on every option…

 

Mrs. Jones 3:14

Because I know you’re going to appreciate those things. I said you know, I don’t watch porn but what I like to do on my computer that that turns me on is I like to – like, well, of course I like to shop for sex toys and that’s pretty self… not selfish, but I mean, that’s more about me, I guess. But I also like to shop for lingerie, or like, like we’re getting ready to go to Desire so I’m shopping for all the theme nights and everything so when I’m shopping for like those little slutty, you know, theme night outfits or when I’m shopping for lingerie, I’m thinking about you and how you would

 

react if I had that on, you know, cuz you’re – especially lingerie, like you’re very particular about the different styles of lingerie.

 

Mr. Jones 4:02

Yeah, I don’t like the lacy stuff.

 

Mrs. Jones 4:04

No, you don’t like flowy, lacy style at all. And I do. So you know I have to be – so when I shop for lingerie, or like these little theme night things, I have to shop with you in mind because I’m – ultimately, I’ll put it on and look in the mirror and I’m like, yep, I guess it is what it is. And then I walk out the door. You have to look at me all night. So I buy stuff with you in mind, because I want to make sure that you’re going to think I look good.

 

Mr. Jones 4:32

Yeah. Well, does it turn you on?

 

Mrs. Jones 4:34 Yes.

 

Mr. Jones 4:35

That’s all you had to say. All that other stuff was really nice, but it really didn’t matter. See, you need lingerie… you know this.

 

Mrs. Jones 4:41

You make it sound like we’d have a 15 minute podcast if I would just shut up. [Laughs]

 

Mr. Jones 4:47

Well, that’s a good point. Um, your shoulders and your boobs and your ass. Those are the like, qualities that you you’re the type of lingerie that I’d like – like halter tops really look sexy on you because it shows your whole shoulder. And like this shirt you have on tonight, it’s like a little keyhole in your cleavage.

 

Mrs. Jones 5:08

Oh, you knew it was a keyhole. That’s impressive, honey, good job.

 

Mr. Jones 5:14

Wasn’t even prompted…

 

Mrs. Jones 5:16

I have to, yeah, I have to wear things like that so that you get distracted every now and again. And you’ll forget that I use 600 words when I could use five.

 

Mr. Jones 5:24

 

Yeah. about that. Anyway, speaking of Desire, that’s coming up. And that’s what you’re buying all this stuff for. And you’ve been making necklaces. And we’ve been – we’ve already got the entire suitcase of swag filled to 49 and a half pounds. We can’t take any more.

 

Mrs. Jones 5:41

No, it just goes in the next suitcase.

 

Mr. Jones 5:43

Yeah, so in just two or three weeks we’ll be at Desire with our 60 or 70 of our best friends.

 

Mrs. Jones 5:47

You know when we roll into Mexico this time, like we can’t even like try to go straight.

 

Mr. Jones 5:53

They always pull us over.

 

Mrs. Jones 5:53

We just need to like go off to the right and just say, here’s our stuff. Just look through it.

 

Mr. Jones 5:58

Yeah, here’s the condoms and the toys.

 

Mrs. Jones 6:00

I mean, forget that, like, try – don’t make eye contact. Don’t make eye contact. It doesn’t work. We’re just like, hey, you want to see our sex toys again?

 

Mr. Jones 6:08

So Desires coming up. But that’s sold out. We’re looking at dates for Desire 2020. And we’re thinking we might even try Riviera Maya, but we haven’t decided yet. Because we have like 15 or 20 couples on the waiting list and RM is bigger, so we could probably get more people in. So we’re thinking about that. At our next meet and greet, we’re going to talk about Nashville in a minute, but our next meet and greet is tentatively in Austin, Texas in the month of February,

 

Mrs. Jones 6:35

Honey, it is not tentative.

 

Mr. Jones 6:37

Do you – have you signed a contract yet?

 

Mrs. Jones 6:39

No. I have like 12 proposal sitting on my desk upstairs. Mr. Jones 6:42

 

Yeah. So it’s tentative.

 

Mrs. Jones 6:43

We’re signing something, damn it, because I spent so much time on this.

 

Mr. Jones 6:48

Yeah, we’re by the end of October, we’ll have a contract signed with the hotel and then on our website, you’ll see the date and if you’re interested in going you can sign up there. And we’re going to limit it to 50 couples again. We like that size.

 

Mrs. Jones 6:59

Yeah, both times, when we’ve come home from Atlanta and when we came home from Nashville, we’ve done surveys after the weekend, and in both times people have really liked the size of the group. So I think we’re definitely going to stick to that. So yeah, so Austin is going to happen. We just don’t know when. It’s going to be late February or late winter probably in February. But you know, until we get that hotel contract sign we we don’t know for sure. But we’re having fun planning it because we have three other couples that are helping us and we did like a little Zoom meeting and we have like a little eight way chat going on and they’re really super helpful.

 

Mr. Jones 7:40

It’s nice to have boots on the ground.

 

Mrs. Jones 7:42

It is. I mean, they – one couple sacrificed their Sunday afternoon and they they went downtown and walked around and went into different hotels and looked around and took pictures and, and just kind of like felt out the vibe of some places for us.

 

Mr. Jones 7:54

Yup. So we’re looking forward to that. But if you can’t – and so we’ll have Austin available soon. And if you even if you can or can’t make that the next big event after that it’s going to be in May.

 

Mrs. Jones 8:04

Yes. Podcast-A-Palooza.

 

Mr. Jones 8:07

Right. And I think that’s creeping up on halfway full. So that – and we can tell by the people that are signing up there, it’s really starting to take shape. And Kate’s done a marvelous job of planning. And we’re really excited about that.

 

Mrs. Jones 8:21

And you know, these events, I’m kind of learning how people book events, you know, there’s always kind of a big push right at the beginning, because, you know, there’s all that excitement,

 

oh my gosh, it’s finally like, it’s finally real. And then and then it slows down and then and then it’ll like hit critical mass, which is I think about where they are right now. You know, I think once it gets about halfway, I think this time of year is when people start looking forward to 2020. Right, because right now May of 2020 sounds forever away. But I think once – you know this, this is a small boutique hotel that they’ve reserved and there’s only 100 rooms. So I think once people start thinking about next year, it’s going to – all of a sudden she’s going to get a big crush of people booking. So if you guys are really serious about it, you know, don’t don’t wait too much longer, or you’ll end up on a waitlist.

 

Mr. Jones 9:14

Yeah, we know how that happens. So keeping up with the Joneses, let’s get beyond the business and talk about Nashville.

 

Mrs. Jones 9:22

Yes, because you and I had fun this time. We’re learning how to host.

 

Mr. Jones 9:27

I think we finally figured out that we’ve done enough of these now that we’re really comfortable by the time we get there, all the work is done. So we’re learning how to be hosts and have social time at the same time. And we were very successful.

 

Mrs. Jones 9:43

Yeah, we’re, it’s a little methodical because we have to actually like, put people like on our calendar at a specific time. You know, to kind of work around all of our workshops and this and that and the other but it worked.

 

Mr. Jones 9:59

I think we did that this time

 

Mrs. Jones 10:00 Yeah, we did.

 

Mr. Jones 10:01

Yeah, but we there were times when we didn’t.

 

Mrs. Jones 10:03 Well, yeah, that’s true.

 

Mr. Jones 10:04

Yeah. Yeah, we did have a couple of events planned. Yeah. But there was a couple of spontaneous things that happened.

 

Mrs. Jones 10:12

 

Oh, yes, there were. It was like spontaneous combustion things happened.

 

Mr. Jones 10:16

Before we get to that, that was distracting. The weekend itself was amazing. Even though officially it didn’t start until Friday afternoon. First of all, Nashville is a happening place.

 

Mrs. Jones 10:26 Yes, it is.

 

Mr. Jones 10:27

We haven’t been there. I mean, I went there on business about eight or nine years ago, but the downtown area reminds me a lot of Vegas or New Orleans.

 

Mrs. Jones 10:34

I had never been there. You know, so I had no idea what to expect. It was incredible.

 

Mr. Jones 10:40

Yeah, so there were bars all over the place and and restaurants all over the place. The music of course is fantastic. We saw a jazz band play one night at dinner and then we went to what, Jason Aldean’s?

 

Mrs. Jones 10:52 Yeah.

 

Mr. Jones 10:54

And we went up on the roof expecting to hear country music, but there was dance music being played out there.

 

Mrs. Jones 10:58

No, I felt a little guilty that we were in Nashville listening to dance music. But as we climbed the stairs all the way up – I think the rooftop was like the fourth or fifth floor. And every level had a stage and a live band. It was, it was so cool. And actually we did hang out on one of the floors for a while we kind of like, made our decisions and, and and everything because we had – what we did is we made dinner reservations at various restaurants like within walking distance of our hotel. And people broke up into groups of anywhere from like, you know, 12 to 30 people and went to dinner and then we were trying to kind of all hook back up or at least like congregate in a couple different places. So we ended up at this Jason Aldean’s place, which the roof – if, well, first of all, it was like a freakin heatwave.

 

Mr. Jones 11:48

Yeah, it was like 80 degrees at night. Mrs. Jones 11:50

 

Yeah, it was. There was a heatwave in Nashville at the end of September and it was like a high in the low 90s. So this rooftop bar at night at midnight was just incredible.

 

Mr. Jones 12:01

Well, it was hot. And it was sticky. And ladies were dancing with a very little clothes on.

 

Mrs. Jones 12:09

Hot ladies were dancing.

 

Mr. Jones 12:10

Yeah. So there was a lot of sweat. There was a lot of body contact. And I noticed that a lot of the other folks on the roof were watching our group interact and dance together. And I have to say that I held my own. I mean, I’m pretty good at even squatting down when they do the how low can you go thing? I even impress myself. That was that was so much fun.

 

Mrs. Jones 12:35

Yeah, you get a hot lady dancing with you. You like yeah, you don’t even think about those joints.

 

Mr. Jones 12:40

Yeah. And we got so worked up on the dance floor that when we all went back to the hotel, it was well past midnight.

 

Mrs. Jones 12:48

It was it was we we got into our hotel room at 2:15.

 

Mr. Jones 12:52

Yeah, so we got back to the hotel like at 1:30. And a bunch of us were standing in the lobby chatting, kind of winding down and then we decided to go get – grab elevator and go up to the room where our room was all the way at the top. And as the elevator went up, couples kept getting off. And then all of a sudden there were just four of us on the elevator. And the couple that was left on the elevators, a couple that we were kind of really flirty with on the dance floor. Soon as it was just the four of us, it was really quiet for a minute. And then we just looked at each other. And we turned and we just started making out. It was really cool. I mean, it’s really hot. But it was spontaneous. It was like, Oh my gosh, we were kissing on dance floor. It’s just the four of us. We’re still kind of turned on.

 

Mrs. Jones 13:38

And we had never met them before.

 

Mr. Jones 13:40

We met him that – well. No, cuz I went to work out.

 

Mrs. Jones 13:43

Oh, you met him that morning.

 

Mr. Jones 13:45

And I saw, well, the first thing I saw were her amazing yoga pants. But yeah, so I had met them in the gym.

 

Mrs. Jones 13:53

And then you introduced me to them on the rooftop bar.

 

Mr. Jones 13:56 Correct, right.

 

Mrs. Jones 13:56

Yeah. And we were talking a little bit but you know the music so loud. It’s really hard to have conversations there.

 

Mr. Jones 14:01

So anyway, when the doors open for them to get off, they stay kind of looked at us and they said, Where’s your floor? And we said, 25. And they said, well, we’ll go up with you. Yeah, I think they were on like the 23rd 22nd floor or something. So the doors closed and the four of us started making out again, and then it went up to our floor and the doors open. And there’s these little couches, right outside the elevator doors.

 

Mrs. Jones 14:22

Yeah, they’re the elevator bank – there were like five elevators in this hotel – it was like L shaped. So they had this like really cool like, L shaped sofa to like, sit on while you’re waiting for the elevators. Well, we literally like fell out of the elevator. And we were all making out.

 

Mr. Jones 14:38

We grabbed them. And we kind of four of us stumbled out of the elevator and fell right on the couches.

 

Mrs. Jones 14:43

We like fell on the couches. It was like, it was like a B movie.

 

Mr. Jones 14:46

It was like it was like we were in high school. Teenagers, making out. And there was sweat.

 

Mrs. Jones 14:52

I don’t even remember laughing. I think we were just making out like, it was pretty serious. Mr. Jones 14:58

 

It was. You want to talk about chemistry. That was that was… some chemistry.

 

Mrs. Jones 15:03 It was crazy.

 

Mr. Jones 15:04

And I think if one of the other guests would have walked by about that time we would have never even known.

 

Mrs. Jones 15:08

I don’t think I would have cared.

 

Mr. Jones 15:09

No, we wouldn’t have cared. We could have got kicked out. But anyway, we so we came, we kind of cooled things down and we have a raincheck I think. Pretty sure we have a raincheck. I’m hopeful that we have raincheck with them.

 

Mrs. Jones 15:23

Oh, we have a rain check with them. I’m sure of it.

 

Mr. Jones 15:25 Good.

 

Mrs. Jones 15:25 Yes. Soon.

 

Mr. Jones 15:27

Yeah. So that that was that was a hot evening. But before we talk about Menages, the club we went to on Saturday night, we also did a couple of workshops. We did a workshop Friday night on photography. We didn’t do it but a friend of ours did. And we’ll have his information on the show notes and he just did a blog post for us on our website too.

 

Mrs. Jones 15:48

Right. He made it sound so simple. Well first of all, the good news is he said an iPhone is a fantastic camera. You know, he said you can take really good pictures on on your phone. You don’t have to have the big digital cameras.

 

Mr. Jones 16:01 SLRs, Yeah.

 

Mrs. Jones 16:03

And he really said it was all about lighting and angles. And he, you know, he gave tips to both men and women on how to stand. So that you, you know, you kind of accentuate the positive

 

and you can kind of like, deflect the focal points away from the negative of your body and use lighting to the to do the same. I don’t know. It was very cool.

 

Mr. Jones 16:27

Yeah, so that was that was what we did on Friday night. And then Saturday, Catherine was with us, Catherine from Episode 41 on jealousy and also our episode on drama. She did a sensual yoga class in the morning, which was a lot of fun. And then we did…

 

Mrs. Jones 16:43

We didn’t do the one in Atlanta with her. This is the first time we did it. It was good. I was proud of you, honey. You did good at yoga.

 

Mr. Jones 16:50

Why are you so surprised?

 

Mrs. Jones 16:52

Because you usually like poopoo that stuff.

 

Mr. Jones 16:55

I know, but it was sensual yoga. And there were lots of women in yoga pants.

 

Mrs. Jones 16:59

There were lots of beautiful women.

 

Mr. Jones 17:01

That’s why I was there. I don’t remember…

 

Mrs. Jones 17:03 I was there too.

 

Mr. Jones 17:05

I know. You had yoga pants on too.

 

Mrs. Jones 17:07 I did.

 

Mr. Jones 17:09

Then we did a combined workshop with Catherine in the afternoon. And we’re going to maybe do a reprisal of that workshop at Podcast-A-Palooza. So it was educational. And then part of the the time we broke our group of 50 couples into small groups so that they could get to know each other on a little bit more of an intimate or personal level, as well. So all of that culminated then on Saturday night, by the time Saturday night came around, and we went to Menages, the local

 

lifestyle club. People already knew each other, you know, they had socialized a lot. They had done some connecting. They had done workshops together.

 

Mrs. Jones 17:46

Yeah, they definitely weren’t walking in cold.

 

Mr. Jones 17:48

People were loose at the club. So we took 100 people, we took the party to the club. And he was ready for us. We had a couple…

 

Mrs. Jones 17:56

Yeah, Menages did a good job. They had space sectioned off for us. I mean, we had heard that that club can be a little smoky. But actually, I don’t remember that being a problem.

 

Mr. Jones 18:08

No, we didn’t really notice that because there were so many of us non smokers there that night.

 

Mrs. Jones 18:12

Yeah, I mean, the bar staff did a good job of getting all of our mixers and ice and everything for us. I mean, they gave us a big bucket to put our bottle of vodka in.

 

Mr. Jones 18:22

But the Daisy Duke theme helped a lot too.

 

Mrs. Jones 18:25

The Daisy Duke thing was awesome.

 

Mr. Jones 18:26

…ladies in your boots.

 

Mrs. Jones 18:27

We had a 100% participation. Like all the ladies were decked out. Yeah, it was hot.

 

Mr. Jones 18:35

There was a lot of dance and a lot of flirting and a lot of lap dancing going on.

 

Mrs. Jones 18:39

A lot of butt cheeks. [Laughs]

 

Mr. Jones 18:40

A lot of butt cheeks and a lot of cage dancing. And – did they have – they had a had a pole, right?

 

Mrs. Jones 18:47 Yeah.

 

Mr. Jones 18:48 Yeah.

 

Mrs. Jones 18:49

You don’t remember the pole? It was like right in front of you.

 

Mr. Jones 18:50

I know. Well, all of us guys were sitting up in that area, drinking bourbon, watching all the ladies dance in the cages. That was smoking hot.

 

Mrs. Jones  18:59 It was so much fun.

 

Mr. Jones 19:01

I know. And you know what happened? I get home, by the way, happened to look through my photo roll on my camera. Evidently I must have put my phone down on the table and some beautiful blonde woman opened up her dress and took a selfie.

 

Mrs. Jones 19:24 Are you serious?

 

Mr. Jones 19:25

… with my phone.

 

Mrs. Jones 19:26 That’s hilarious.

 

Mr. Jones 19:27

And I’ve currently opened an investigation into who this might be. And I think I’m making some progress.

 

Mrs. Jones 19:35

You know that she’s blonde, huh?

 

Mr. Jones 19:36

Yes, I know that she’s blonde.

 

Mrs. Jones 19:37 It wasn’t me.

 

Mr. Jones 19:39 No, it wasn’t you.

 

Mrs. Jones 19:40 Okay.

 

Mr. Jones 19:40

No, they were definitely not your boobs.

 

Mrs. Jones 19:46

Okay, I don’t know what to say about that.

 

Mr. Jones 19:49

Now, so that was quite the surprise. But anyway, Menages was a 100% success.

 

Mrs. Jones 19:55 Yes, it was.

 

Mr. Jones 19:56

Yeah. And we’re looking to do that again in Austin. We’re gonna probably go to a club on Saturday night as well.

 

Mrs. Jones 20:01

I’m calling the club like the final exam.

 

Mr. Jones  20:03 It’s the grand finale.

 

Mrs. Jones 20:04

Yeah, it is. We do workshops all weekend and, and get everybody ready and it’s like, okay, here you go.

 

Mr. Jones 20:10

Yeah. If you haven’t, if you haven’t taken a step forward in the lifestyle as a couple at one of our events, then that’s your fault.

 

Mrs. Jones 20:19

Well, maybe they’re where they’re supposed to be.

 

Mr. Jones 20:21

Well, I said take a step forward. I didn’t say that you had to necessarily play. Mrs. Jones 20:25

 

Well, that’s true.

 

Mr. Jones 20:26

But there’s just a lot of socializing, a lot of connecting and partially that’s what we’re going to talk about next. The social sexy lifestyle has a lot to do with what we experienced in Nashville. So when we come back, we’re gonna get into that conversation about what is the lifestyle and we call it a social sexy lifestyle. [Music.]

 

Mrs. Jones 20:56

Welcome back to segment two, the social sexy lifestyle.

 

Mr. Jones 21:00

Yeah, so what’s this about? We… at first, you know, we get a lot of emails and a lot of messages. And first of all, we appreciate that. Thank you for taking the time. And we’re not overwhelmed. So you please keep sending them, but I wish I knew how many messages that we get where the very first sentence starts off with, first of all, we are not in the lifestyle. Or, first of all,…

 

Mrs. Jones 21:28 Disclaimer.

 

Mr. Jones 21:29

Yeah, …we are not swingers. And then they go on to say, Well, except we have had some experience with a threesome, or, you know, we had some friends over and we made out in the hot tub, or we had a single guy. My wife was flirting with the single guy online one time, you know, or we went to a sex club together and my thought is, Are you kidding me? Are you kidding me? But then after a while, what I realized is that this word, for somebody who’s new to this, or is it approaching it from a little bit of a different perspective, the word swinger or the word swinging lifestyle carries a connotation with it.

 

Mrs. Jones 22:13

Right. And I think people see it as like kind of black and white. Either you’re like this crazy ass swinger that does all kinds of crazy stuff with anybody at any given point in time, or you’re not.

 

Mr. Jones 22:27

Right, So what we want to do tonight is when we say social sexy, we’re coining a new term here.

 

Mrs. Jones 22:36

Or at least we think it’s new. Mr. Jones 22:37

 

Yeah. We’re going to talk about the perception of the word swinger and the word lifestyle. And then we’re going to talk about the reality of the people that we are meeting, probably just like you, that are a little bit intimidated by these words. And so we hope to get to the bottom of this and try to explain how we view the lifestyle and come up with a little bit of a different terminology for it. So there’s a lot of misperceptions, right?

 

Mrs. Jones 23:03 Yeah.

 

Mr. Jones 23:04

And so when we think a swinger what do you think of?

 

Mrs. Jones 23:06

You know, I struggle to use that word. I mean, you know, there are certain cuss words that I still can’t say very well.

 

Mr. Jones 23:15 Like what?

 

Mrs. Jones 23:16

Oh, everybody knows I don’t like to say fuck, but I I’m getting better at saying that but there’s I don’t know, like there there’s other words that just don’t resonate with me at all. So, and the word swingers kind of there, like it just – even though I’ve been doing this for my gosh, it’s been almost six years. It still brings to mind just the randomness of the typical key party or, or whatever, where the where you go to a club and then you just randomly have sex with people. And I’m not gonna lie, that’s happened to us a couple times here and there, but that’s not our norm. And that’s not what we look for.

 

Mr. Jones 24:03

And if you think back to where this originated a lot of times was, you know, there’s a sexual the sexual revolution in the 60s, and then the flower children in the 70s, and free sex and then, you know, along came, you know, the AIDS epidemic and other STIs in the 80s. And all of this, kind of, we’re looking back on this, and part of the swinging word is rooted in those decades. And we’ve adopted the word, but really what we’re experiencing is something completely different.

 

Mrs. Jones 24:38

Right. And, and I mean, you you talk about, like, the way you’ve been raised and the way society perceives marriage, you know, they they perceive it as being monogamous. So when they say, monogamous they’re not talking just emotionally monogamous, they’re talking about physically monogamous. Of course, then they go out and have affairs.

 

Mr. Jones 25:02 Well that’s true.

 

 

Mrs. Jones 25:02

… and, you know, use their authoritarian powers to, you know, sexually, you know, manipulate people.

 

Mr. Jones 25:09

You know, marriage is always traditionally been two people and you know, when you learn on your bachelor party or your bachelorette party, you know, that’s your last chance, right? I mean, cuz you’re gonna be celibate with the rest of the world.

 

Mrs. Jones 25:21

Which is a whole nother conversation. Like, yeah. But yeah, I mean, so what we do is considered, you know, immoral.

 

Mr. Jones 25:29

Well, I yeah, yeah. By the church…

 

Mrs. Jones 25:32

Well, not only the church, but society in general. They’re hypocritical when they say it.

 

Mr. Jones 25:37 Yeah.

 

Mrs. Jones 25:38 But they still say it.

 

Mr. Jones 25:40

Well, they throw around words like adultery and lust and covet and all of these things. And so when you think back of all of this, the the 60s, the 70s, the 80s – how it all – the sexual revolution started, what we traditionally think about with marriage and what you may have been taught from a religious aspect and then the idea of doing something like this is contradictory to all of that, or all of that makes it sound like why would you even want to do something like this? Or the people that do something like this must be just completely crazy.

 

Mrs. Jones 26:13

It makes it sound like you have to choose. Either you’re a good person, you’re a good girl. And you live a straight and narrow life, or you’re this crazy person that has no ability to make good decisions.

 

Mr. Jones 26:29

Yeah, so the duality of it is what people think about – it’s either black or white, yes or no, you’re in or you’re out. But our thought process when we approach this is, we’re a little – we’re not like, duality thinkers. We’re not black and white. Or, you know, plus and minus. We’re thinking, Oh,

 

wait a minute. We have a solid relationship. You know, we have a good sex life. We’re growing sexually with each other. I mean, even after our kids got older and we reconnected, we started…

 

Mrs. Jones 27:05

Well, especially when our kids got older. Because, you know, they weren’t the focal point of our lives at every given, you know, spare moment.

 

Mr. Jones 27:14

Right. So we reconnected with each other, and we were healthy people, we consider ourselves halfway intelligent or at least I am halfway intelligent, you’re fully intelligent. [Laughs]

 

Mrs. Jones 27:27

I was wondering where you were going with that. [Laughs]

 

Mr. Jones 27:30

We’re satisfied with what we have. But we’re also curious about that there’s some sort of underlying curiosity about this idea of sharing you with somebody or sharing what we have with somebody else. And so there was that little that thing that was buzzing around. It was like a curiosity.

 

Mrs. Jones 27:50

Right. You know it kind of it – what you were saying just kind of made me go back to, not shopping for the dishwasher, but like I said, you know, when I shop for lingerie, and it’s not really how I think I’m going to look at it, you know, for myself, it’s what – how I think you’re going to look at it. Well now that we’re in the lifestyle and we’re going to Desire or we go to a club or we have people over and and I’m also shopping for other people now and and sometimes those people have faces but sometimes it’s people that I know we’re going to meet at Desire or we’re going to meet at Naughty in New Orleans, you know, so there there’s no faces but I know that there’s this going to be this this sexual, you know, encounter with somebody.

 

Mr. Jones 28:37

So what does that feel like?

 

Mrs. Jones 28:38

And what do I want to wear, you know, how am I going to put my best foot forward?

 

Mr. Jones 28:41

So what does that feel like? Because I was going to ask you about that when you mentioned that before about shopping for lingerie. Like when we get ready for – especially if it’s a couple like we know we’re going to play with, and you’re packing your overnight bag and you’re packing your lingerie. What does it feel like to be dressing for somebody else, in addition to me?

 

Mrs. Jones 29:05

 

It’s terrifying. But it’s, it’s, it’s terrifying. It’s, it’s motivating, you know, to make sure that I’m picking out the, the outfit that’s going to, you know, help me look my best. And, I mean, it’s just it’s sexy because it’s, it’s not a – it’s not a tried and true formula. You know, I don’t know what they’re going to think of me when they see me in lingerie. I mean, you know, they’ve…

 

Mr. Jones 29:34 Well I do.

 

Mrs. Jones 29:34

… seen me in regular clothes, but well and see, you’re biased because you’ve been married to me for 35 years now. But it’s so it’s, it’s scary, but it’s also like this adrenaline rush to think I’m not just buying this for my husband. I’m buying this for somebody that I’m going to meet.

 

Mr. Jones 29:55

And I can tell you from my point of view, and this just happened recently, we were with a couple and I, I was holding her, and she had clothes on and I could feel her bra underneath. And she said, I’m anxious for you to see that because I got it just for tonight. And so for – and you were standing there. So it’s weird because here’s another woman who I find extremely attractive. Who in front of her husband, and you is telling me that she’s got this thing on for me, and that blows my mind. I mean, it also stimulates me, you know, but but that’s the kind of thoughts that are going through our head, as we’re trying to reconcile why we think this is so wrong, but our thought process is bringing us to this place, but you know, based on our perceptions of what we thought swinging – the swinging lifestyle was, we thought, well, there’s there’s going to be nobody like us doing this. Because we assume that the people that do this are going to be less than, or they’re going to be trashy or it’s going to be about sex or whatever, we have this incomplete picture and really wrong perception. But that’s what we’re thinking.

 

Mrs. Jones 31:12

Oh, I think you just said it exactly right. An incomplete picture. You know, cuz the swinging lifestyle can be a little seedy.

 

Mr. Jones 31:23 Sure.

 

Mrs. Jones 31:25

I mean, let’s face it. You know, there’s something for everybody out there. And, and some people like they like that randomness – I think they like the naughtiness of the random kind of back alley, hooking up with somebody, and like doing the deed and then never seeing them again, and not even knowing their name. That is a huge turn-on for some people. But that’s not for me. And that’s what scared me about it for so long.

 

Mr. Jones 31:53

 

And because we didn’t think we were going to find people like us, and also, we couldn’t find any what we considered to be credible studies or credible research on this, you know, because nobody wants to come out and say this is what they do. And so all of the research that you see is from anonymous people or it’s estimates from, you know, surveys that are done – blind surveys. And so there’s still not a lot of credible research out there. And we couldn’t find many resources that even spoke to us, you know, about what this is, whether it’s, I mean, we did find a few podcasts. I think, you know, six years ago when we got into this, there were maybe four or five regular podcasts.

 

Mrs. Jones 32:36

Right. You know, the thing that has helped us now is ironically, it’s the LGBT movement because sexual freedom and and owning your sexual identity is becoming like socially acceptable now. Because people are speaking out and and and people that maybe have a more traditional view of their, their sexuality and you know, they don’t really understand gender fluidity, at least they’re respecting it now. The Me Too movement ironically is helping, in that it’s bringing out the ability for women to own their sexuality and stand up for their rights and and the fact that they can be sexual beings and still be in control of themselves. So I think all of these things that are going on in society now, while they’re extremely uncomfortable and and they if they’re not handled right they marginalize people, they also are just making the just the general population more aware of, yes, sexuality is part of everybody’s being.

 

Mr. Jones 33:55

Right, but if you think back though, we’re talking about six or seven years ago when you and I first started getting into this.

 

Mrs. Jones 34:00

What I’m talking about is just been in the past year or two.

 

Mr. Jones 34:02

Yeah, you’re talking about today I’m talking about our thought process as we were getting into this. And, you know, the podcasts that we found were helpful, but we really still didn’t find one that resonated with us.

 

Mrs. Jones 34:12 No.

 

Mr. Jones 34:13

And then we saw that show Swingtown, and we’ve talked a lot about this before, so we won’t go into much depth. But, you know, there was the show on TV about Swingtown that was about eight or ten episodes. It was – but again, it was based in the 70s, you know, it was about a pilot and a flight attendant and you know, all these stereotypical things.

 

Mrs. Jones 34:31

 

Right. But it was also about a very normal couple that moved into this neighborhood, that, you know, they were they were normal, you know, June cleaver type couple, and all of a sudden they were like, wow, this is going on?

 

Mr. Jones 34:46

Yeah, but it was TV. So you didn’t know, how much of it actually really happened in life or whether somebody just wrote this to get attention.

 

Mrs. Jones 34:54

No, but at least you got to watch the show through, like, a air quote normal couple’s perspective.

 

Mr. Jones 35:01

And then we found Playboy Swing, which got a little bit closer because it was more real, you know, it was reality and the couples on there that went to visit the house for the weekend had to have communication, they had to talk about it.

 

Mrs. Jones 35:14

That show is so well done.

 

Mr. Jones 35:15

Yeah. So having you know, Dr. Jess, and you know, having a sex therapist on there and having couples with experience that were teaching people how to communicate, and and having the couple sign a contract when they came in. They had talked about this. And then doing a debriefing afterwards. That was the first, I guess you would call model of how this should work in our minds.

 

Mrs. Jones 35:39

That show was so helpful for you and I.

 

Mr. Jones 35:40

Yeah, it was. I don’t and I don’t even think that was the intent of the show. But it was transformative in a lot of minds and especially ours.

 

Mrs. Jones 35:48

Oh, I think that was the intent because because Dr. Jess was on there and there was a different sex therapist on the first season. I can’t remember her name, but just the way they talk the couples through it, you and I can could use that as a model. And then we would – even though you and I hadn’t done anything yet, we could still kind of, I don’t know, it wasn’t really role play, but we could we could…

 

Mr. Jones 36:09

We could put ourselves in that situation.

 

Mrs. Jones 36:10

Yeah. And we could have those same conversations and answer the same questions, like, how do you think we will respond in that situation?

 

Mr. Jones 36:17

Yeah. So then ultimately, when we decided to go to Desire, we found the Desire forums, and once we found the Desire forums, and we saw people actually communicating with each other, and we read their conversations, and we heard people share the similar – they were in a similar place that we were in, they had the similar concerns that we had, and talking about the types of people that they were meeting there and that there was no pressure and that it wasn’t like you had to go have sex with people. And that real time conversation really made it – we got to the point where we thought, well, you know what, that – these people sound real? You know, it’s only one forum, but we’re going there, and let’s just give it a try and see what we come up with.

 

Mrs. Jones 37:05 Right.

 

Mr. Jones 37:05

So through all of that, we decided to dip our toes in. And you already mentioned this, but we found both. I mean, we would see what we consider to be crazy, wild, sleazy, and sometimes just plain scary behavior.

 

Mrs. Jones 37:26

You mean, kind of like falling out of the elevator on the 25th floor and making out and not caring who walked by?

 

Mr. Jones 37:33 Yeah.

 

Mrs. Jones 37:34

I mean, good golly, like the President of the United States could have walked by and we wouldn’t have noticed.

 

Mr. Jones 37:38

Yeah, it was, it was – there were some things that we that we saw, and that we still see that we shake our heads at, and say, you know what, to each their own, but that’s a little bit scary to us. But at the same time, though, we also saw some very sexy couples, some very sensual atmospheres, people who were in healthy relationships and having a lot of fun. And, you know, we would see a little bit of both.

 

Mrs. Jones 38:07

Yeah, but you know what I think the common denominator is – the vast majority of the people that you see at these events or resorts or wherever you are – not all of them, but the vast

 

majority of these couples are solid. Which, I mean, no matter what their, like, style is, they’re solid couples. Because you have to be solid to do this.

 

Mr. Jones 38:33 Right.

 

Mrs. Jones 38:34

And there are some pretty messed up people too, but they’re definitely the minority. And, and you can spot them from a mile away.

 

Mr. Jones 38:42

Right. But I think what it came down to is when we went to Desire finally and we got into this lifestyle, and we saw some crazy stuff, but we also saw people that were just like us.

 

Mrs. Jones 38:52 Yeah.

 

Mr. Jones 38:53

And that’s what people tell us when they email us. You guys sound just like us. So it’s that ‘just like us’ thing that we grabbed ahold of, and that we thought, you know what, we’re going to give this a try because we’ve seen enough and we’ve met enough of these people who are just like us that maybe we’re not weirdos, you know, maybe this is something that we can do and we can do in a healthy way.

 

Mrs. Jones 39:16

Right. I mean, weirdo is like, relative, I guess. Because to, you know, some of our friends, they probably still see us that way. But, but I mean, in in the scheme of things, we have these – as a couple, we have, like these desires and and, like, goals. I mean, we have goals to keep our relationship fresh and healthy and exciting. Like, I don’t, I don’t want to like have the biggest decision of the week as to you approve the meal plan for the week. You know, we we’ve got to keep it fresh. We’re I mean, we’re 35 years in, hopefully we have, you know, a few more decades to go. And eventually the meal plans will become more important. But for now, like, we’ve got to keep it so that we’re still growing as a couple, you know, individually and as a couple, I don’t, I don’t want you to get bored.

 

Mr. Jones 40:13

Right. So that’s where social sexy comes in. The social sexy lifestyle approach that we’re trying to describe is based on, you know, instead of putting sex first, here’s some other things that we came up with that describe the people that we meet and what we’re looking for. So, similar relationships. And you already mentioned this, you know, whether you’ve been married two years or whether you’ve been married 35 years or more. If you have the type of relationship that we have, where you respect each other, you adore each other. You’re each other’s best friends,

 

you know, you’re just in that type of relationship that’s similar to ours is really what we’re attracted to.

 

Mrs. Jones 41:00

Right, right. And I mean, just kind of like the the whole like-mindedness, you know, we want to, we want to have fun together and we want to meet people. If that ends up becoming something sexy, that’s definitely icing on the cake. But you know, as far as like mindedness as as, you know, what we’re trying to get out of these trips that we take, or, you know, these, these adventures we go on, no matter where they are. We’re just – you and I are trying to have fun together, and if that ends up involving other people, so be it.

 

Mr. Jones 41:36

Right. And also personalities are a big thing for us, like, who you are is really important as a person and we, we’ve noticed in the lifestyle that people who understand who – the people who can be most pure to themselves and let their individual personality shine through is really a big key. It’s a really a big factor in this – being able to be yourself.

 

Mrs. Jones 42:01

Right. And you know, you can, you can share a lot about yourself with other people and remain discreet. Like, you can share what industry you work in without saying what company you work for. You know, I tell people what I do now, they don’t know the name of my business, and I’m not going to tell them the name of my business, they don’t need to know that. You know, unless they want to be one of my clients, you know, and that’s a whole nother conversation, but you can you – I need to know what makes a person tick. And, and there’s ways to do that respectfully and and still, you know, remain discreet. And at the same time, I get to kind of get in your brain, which is what turns me on.

 

Mr. Jones 42:45

Right. And I think ultimately, a result of all of that comes this human connection that we have not allowed ourselves to have with other people. You and I obviously have that. But the idea of having such an intimate, and I’m not talking about sex, such an intimate relationship with another cup or another person that you just feel like you can be human. You can just be who you are, who you were created to be. And you can allow the other person to be that in front of you. And the connection that you make as two people or four people is just very human. It’s very natural. It just seems like, like, this is the way that it’s supposed to be.

 

Mrs. Jones 43:26 Yeah.

 

Mr. Jones 43:28

So human connection is a big part of it. And you know, you might not have sex with everybody, but just the acknowledgement of the sexuality, the fact that you can talk about sex, you can talk about your sex life, and you can talk about sex toys, and you can talk about fantasies. Who else

 

do you talk about that stuff with? Some people don’t even – like you and I didn’t even really talk about that a lot between the two of us until we got into the lifestyle.

 

Mrs. Jones 43:55

Well, really, well, I would say the first 20 years of our marriage.

 

Mr. Jones 43:59 Yeah.

 

Mrs. Jones 44:00

You know, then we started talking about stuff. And then and then that stuff started including other people.

 

Mr. Jones 44:06 Yeah.

 

Mrs. Jones 44:06

You know, so it’s been a progression. But you’re right. Like, we never, like, we don’t talk to our best vanilla friends about that stuff.

 

Mr. Jones 44:14 No.

 

Mrs. Jones 44:15

We talk around it. And we allude to it, and then we kind of laugh. But that’s as far as it goes.

 

Mr. Jones 44:21

Right. And then ultimately, I think that the people that we meet, and we hear this all the time from other people, but there’s a nearly instantaneous level of trust that you have with people. I mean, I’ve said all along…

 

Mrs. Jones 44:34

Isn’t that weird? It makes no sense.

 

Mr. Jones 44:36

We could we could probably drive across the country and and stay in people’s homes that we’ve never met face to face before, just because of this bond or this connection that we have. And we’ve had people in our home, and we’ve, we’ve had lifestyle friends come to our home for the weekend. And we have taken them and introduced them to our daughter or to our parents.

 

Mrs. Jones 45:00 Yeah.

 

Mr. Jones 45:00

Or to other family members. You know, it’s this instantaneous trust that we can do – you know, I noticed that Jay and Kay talked about this on their latest podcast, you know that they both graduated on the same day and had a party, and they had family there and they had lifestyle friends there, they had non lifestyle friends there. And, you know, the fact that, you know, you don’t have to worry about somebody being inappropriate, because they’re just friends, you can drop the whole lifestyle thing – they’re friends.

 

Mrs. Jones 45:37

Right. And, and I know how to behave in various settings. You know, like, it doesn’t matter who’s in my backyard, if my in-laws are there, or my kids are there, I’m going to behave, and and I trust the people that I have invited to my home to understand that same concept and and I’ve never been disappointed.

 

Mr. Jones 46:01

May I add that you can also misbehave when you want to.

 

Mrs. Jones 46:05 Not in front of…

 

Mr. Jones 46:07

No, when it’s appropriate.

 

Mrs. Jones 46:08

Right. And And isn’t that the beauty of it? And And doesn’t that make – oh, what am I looking for? I’m looking for a word. It like makes a relationship like rich.

 

Mr. Jones 46:19

Yes. Multi-dimensional.

 

Mrs. Jones 46:21

Yes. Because you can make eye contact with somebody like across the patio. And like, I remember what we did last weekend, and at the same time, you know, you are interacting with family members and like work friends or whatever, like your boss could be there. And it doesn’t matter. You still make eye contact with this person. And that’s all you do is you make eye contact. That’s all you need. It’s so powerful. And it’s um – it’s cool when you meet people like that and and I’ve never like had to like sweat bullets, like oh my gosh, are they gonna like behave properly or whatever.

 

Mr. Jones 47:02

Right. So everything that we’ve just talked about, in other words, what we’re saying is we never mentioned sex with other people, really, this was about all these other elements. You know, having sex or playing with another couple is a possibility, but it’s the exception, as opposed to

 

the rule. So this social sexy attitude, puts sex at the bottom of the list. It’s on the list. Don’t get me wrong.

 

Mrs. Jones 47:33 Yes it is.

 

Mr. Jones 47:34

And… because it’s a possibility, and there’s a potential for it, it just adds that extra little spark. And that’s extra interest about, is this going to evolve to that, and if it does, that’s obviously great, but if it doesn’t, I mean, let’s face it. We have more friends in the lifestyle that we’ve not played with than we have played with.

 

Mrs. Jones 48:00 Right.

 

Mr. Jones 48:00

And we have friends in the lifestyle that we’ll probably never play with, but they’re friends. True friends.

 

Mrs. Jones 48:07

And we can talk to them about anything.

 

Mr. Jones 48:09

Right. So as a result of that we connect with people that are just like us, you know, and it opens our minds. You know, we’re less judgmental, we’re more accepting of other people. It helps us to create a more meaningful friendship. And if we’re lucky, some sexy fun. I don’t – because I don’t want to make it sound like that, you know, that we’re elitist or that sex is really not a part of it, because it is a part of it.

 

Mrs. Jones 48:42

Of course it’s a part of it.

 

Mr. Jones 48:43

It’s that thread that runs through the whole thing. But that’s, that’s human sexuality. I mean, that’s how we’re wired.

 

Mrs. Jones 48:49

Yeah. And I think that – I think the meaningful friendship is really kind of like what we’re getting at, because I I mean, we have people that we’ve been friends with for decades, and those people are near and dear to our hearts and they always will be because we have that longevity, we have that, oh my gosh, do you remember what we did in third grade. And you know, that kind of stuff doesn’t ever go away. But then you you meet people that you’ve only been friends with for a year, and you can still have a meaningful friendship with them because you can share

 

things about yourself, about your, your innermost self, and you can actually learn things about yourself by conversing with them about your sexuality, that you can’t do with somebody you’ve been friends with since third grade.

 

Mr. Jones 49:45

I have learned – I have been able to have relationships with women. And I have learned so much from women, in general, in the lifestyle As opposed to women in the business world, or women neighbors, or women that sit next to me at church, because they’re not really being able to be themselves, but in the lifestyle, I can look at a woman and I can talk to women and women are confident and women can be women. They can be how they’re designed to be. And as a man, I can benefit from that. I mean, I can I can, I can become a better person just because I understand a woman. Well, as much as a man can understand a woman.

 

Mrs. Jones 50:31

So can I ask you a question?

 

Mr. Jones 50:33 Yeah.

 

Mrs. Jones 50:33

So how does interacting with other women at that intimate level help you become a better person versus you interacting with me?

 

Mr. Jones 50:48

I think that other women are – when women are allowed to be themselves and I get a view into that, I – all of the myths that I have been taught through my life about women and how to treat women or how at work, you know, you – there’s sexual harassment and there’s, you know, a hostile work environment and there’s respect and you can’t – you can’t tell a woman how nice she looks and, and in a marriage, I can’t look at another woman and I don’t want to make my wife jealous or, you know, the society and tradition has made it so that you my wife are the sole provider of that to me.

 

Mrs. Jones 51:34

Right. That’s a lot of pressure for me.

 

Mr. Jones 51:37

Exactly. Exactly. So but when I can see lifestyle women being women, I understand that women are not who I thought they were.

 

Mrs. Jones 51:49 In a good way?

 

Mr. Jones 51:50

 

Yes. I’ve always said women could rule the world. And we should give you the chance to do that because guys have screwed it up.

 

Mrs. Jones 51:58 Amen.

 

Mr. Jones 51:59

But To understand the value of women and understand that – and in understanding that, understand how that man and woman complimentary relationship is going to make not only for a healthy marriage, but a healthy friendship, a healthy work environment, healthy everything because we’re so complimentary of each other, if one of us would – if we would stop making – if men would stop making you be subservient to us, if we were equal, and we understood each other the way that I understand women to be, then I can step back and learn that there are some attributes and gifts and characteristics that women bring that need to be integrated into how men think. And these two things together. It’s like diversity. You know, we’re stronger, you know, when we work together with our with our different complementary skill sets, and I never really understood what women could be until I got into the lifestyle.

 

Mrs. Jones 53:03

You know, so the whole time you’ve been talking, I’ve been listening attentively, and two things have come to mind. First of all, honestly, it takes a little bit of pressure off of me, because you get to see other women intimately in various settings – whether we’re out to dinner or whether, you know, you meet a woman who works in the same field as you and then you go like all cognitive on me and, and you know, the two of you like do your thing and the husband and I make out.

 

Mr. Jones 53:35

You do the same thing.

 

Mrs. Jones 53:36

I know I do the same thing, but I’m just talking about like one particular situation that’s going through my mind. You know, it’s just, it’s, it’s interesting to watch you intellectually interact with other women and, and watch them like stimulate that part of your brain and then at the same time, I watch you get turned on because not only are you talking to an intelligent woman, you’re talking to a beautiful woman and and you’re kind of like, I don’t know, blooming, blossoming in front of me and you’re becoming more confident, because I tell you you look good all the time. Like, oh honey, your ass looks great in those jeans. And you’re like, yeah, whatever. You bought them for me so of course you think that. But you know, so for you to – I guess it’s that whole – well your love language is the words of affirmation. So, you know, for you to have conversations with other women and be affirmed, it’s…

 

Mr. Jones 54:35 Beneficial to you.

 

 

Mrs. Jones 54:37

Well, but it’s beneficial to you, but yeah, it takes pressure off of me. But it’s basically just reinforcing what I’ve been telling you for decades, I guess. And the, you know, the other thing I’m – so I have like this snapshot running through my mind, and I know it’s the wrong segment for that. But in Nashville on Saturday night, we went out to dinner with I think there were like 10 or 12 of us before we went to the club, and that was – that’s one of my favorite moments of the weekend. And like we weren’t even – we kind of like crashed that party. Somehow we managed to, to get in on that dinner reservation and that was so much fun that night, and you ended up sitting not next to me. You you ended up setting between two very beautiful women.

 

Mr. Jones 55:25 Yeah.

 

Mrs. Jones 55:30

And one of them you kind of knew and the other one we had just met that weekend. And it was so much fun to just watch you get to know them. I I was kind of sitting at the head of the table. Might have been flirting with a guy at the other end, you know, just little eye candy sex going on from one end of the table to the other. But really, I was just I was enjoying watching you. You were sitting kind of on a bench with three other ladies. And it was just – it was – It gave me pleasure. It’s that whole compersion thing. It gave me pleasure watching you sit there with three beautiful ladies and you got to know them and, and, you know, it was relatively quiet in the restaurant so we could actually converse with people and, and I know that’s your deal. And you were just kind of like, thriving.

 

Mr. Jones 56:20 Yeah.

 

Mrs. Jones 56:21

At that moment in time.

 

Mr. Jones 56:22

And then as you mentioned that, one thing that I just – that came to mind with me that I think women are starting to understand in the lifestyle is that to get a man to be attracted to you, is not all about your body. And I think that through society and tradition and everything else, you as a woman are trained to look sexy and to dress sexy and that you’re going to attract a man by how you look.

 

Mrs. Jones 56:54

Yes. Yes, that’s exactly how we’ve been brainwashed. Mr. Jones 56:59

 

But I’m telling every woman out there that what, what will draw me into you is your intelligence, your curiosity, your vulnerability, your flaws, your your, your lack of confidence and not understanding how beautiful you are. It’s, it’s – when I’m engaging with a woman like that and and i’m so drawn in that the body itself becomes complimentary to what I’m what I’m hearing and how I’m engaging with the woman. And I think women are in the lifestyle, the longer they’re in the lifestyle, they understand that. And I would think that that would take the pressure off of you as well. Because when you’re looking good…

 

Mrs. Jones 57:22 It should.

 

Mr. Jones 57:41

…yeah, because you’re looking in the mirror and you’re seeing flesh.

 

Mrs. Jones 57:56 No kidding.

 

Mr. Jones 57:57

I’m looking into another woman’s eyes and I’m hearing her honesty, and her vulnerability. And she’s baring her soul to me, and she’s telling me about herself and she’s witty, and she’s smart. Those are the things that capture me.

 

Mrs. Jones 58:12 Yeah, I know. I know.

 

Mr. Jones 58:15

So, but I think that the more women in the lifestyle that understand that, and the more that are – because men are guilty too. How many questions do we get about, what do you think is the sexiest body part in the woman, you know, stop with the body parts! That’s only one piece of the pie here. You know, what is it about a woman that the man does not understand? Or the man does not have himself? You know, how can we get other women comfortable enough and other couples comfortable enough to look at a woman as a woman and look at a man as a man? And you you were talking about observing me. Well, I mean, you’re a math person. I’m not. I can’t give that to you.

 

Mrs. Jones 58:21 [Laughing] No, you can’t.

 

Mr. Jones 59:04

So when you meet somebody who’s an engineer, or you meet somebody that’s into math, and you just like, I might as well check out because you just you go off, and you’re talking to another man and it doesn’t really matter that it’s a man. But you know, you’re having this conversation at

 

a level about mathematics or about engineering or about something that in regular day society, you wouldn’t be comfortable having or allowed to have because of your gender.

 

Mrs. Jones 59:36 Right.

 

Mr. Jones 59:36

And how ridiculous is that?

 

Mrs. Jones  59:38 I know. That’s true.

 

Mr. Jones 59:40

So we’ve gotten off track- off the track. But that was a good conversation. So bringing us back on track. So why, how do we find people like this? This is the conundrum that people have and they listen to us and they say, how do I find the people that you’re talking about?

 

Mrs. Jones 59:58

Well, there were 100 of em in Nashville.

 

Mr. Jones 1:00:01

Well, we’re going to do a shameless plug. But But, but there’s barriers to this. So first of all, how do we find such people without being found out? Like, I’m worried – So one of the barriers is, this is – society doesn’t accept this, I’m going to be outed, you know, I’m going to be found out, you know, so you have to get your mind around that and not be so freaked out about that. And then there’s misperceptions of the lifestyle. We’ve already talked about that, you know, you come in thinking it’s one thing and it’s the other. So it’s a barrier, that you have to get beyond. And honestly, you have to acknowledge your bias. I mean, you – we have these biases that were that are built into us about how women are and how men are and how society is. And we have to get beyond that.

 

Mrs. Jones 1:00:51

Yeah. Well, and I think the other thing is that you have to learn to not be risk averse. Like, you know, there’s the whole risk and reward thing. Well, you and I have found that yes, there’s risks clearly for you and I, but the rewards have, honestly, way outweighed any kind of risk. We’ve, we’ve met the most amazing people, you and I have had so many ridiculous adventures.

 

Mr. Jones 1:01:20 Yes.

 

Mrs. Jones 1:01:21

And again, they may or may not have involved sex, but but this whole new attitude you and I have about life. We have adventures every time we walk out our front door. Well, sometimes we

 

have adventures inside the front door. But I mean, you and I just are like, we we’ve decided we’re going to have fun. And and you and I have fun, and sometimes that includes other people.

 

Mr. Jones 1:01:47

Right. And so we have this idea that everything that we have, we’re going to lose, or if we’re outed it’s going to be the end of the world. And you know, we’ve talked about that before. We don’t need to get into it, but we’re in a much different place now, because we were outed. And I’m not sure that we would be if we, if we would not – if – since we were outed it kind of forced us into this situation.

 

Mrs. Jones 1:02:09

There’s a silver lining to every cloud

 

Mr. Jones 1:02:11 Correct.

 

Mrs. Jones 1:02:11 Yes.

 

Mr. Jones 1:02:12

Another barrier is that it seems like the majority of events, websites and attitudes are focused on sexuals and swingers as the norm instead of social swinging, you know, so whether it’s Naughty in New Orleans, or whether it’s lifestyle clubs, or whether it’s people that you meet at house parties, the tendency sometimes is that you’re going to run into more of a people want to have sex thing. And so there – that that’s a barrier, because if you get into this, and that’s the first thing that you experience, and you think that everything is like that…

 

Mrs. Jones 1:02:50

And you’re like whoa, we’re not ready for that.

 

Mr. Jones 1:02:52 Yeah, this is not for us.

 

Mrs. Jones 1:02:53

Yeah. I mean, if you are ready for that, then game on but, but you know, if you’re new, that can be really intimidating and it can kind of be a deterrent.

 

Mr. Jones 1:03:03

Right. So how do we get beyond these barriers or these misperceptions?

 

Mrs. Jones 1:03:08

Well, I think you have to, I mean, of course, you and I are going to say research and education, but you need to find some resource that resonates with you, that will start a conversation

 

between you and your partner. That’s where it’s all going to come into focus. It’s got to be between you and your partner.

 

Mr. Jones 1:03:32

Yes. And you also have to have self reflection as an individual like…

 

Mrs. Jones 1:03:36 Well, true.

 

Mr. Jones 1:03:38

What are my hang ups? Why do I feel shameful about sex? or Why do I think sex is bad? or Why do I think non-monogamy is bad? What have I been taught? So there’s a lot of like self reflection and deconstruction, that needs to go on there too.

 

Mrs. Jones 1:03:51

Right. And then at some point, you’re just gonna have to take a risk.

 

Mr. Jones 1:03:55

I mean, you got to pull the trigger at some point in time – or not. Or not. But you can’t have it both ways.

 

Mrs. Jones 1:04:01

If you want, if you want to try it, you’ve gotta try it.

 

Mr. Jones 1:04:04

You have to pull the trigger, you can’t stay on the other side of this.

 

Mrs. Jones 1:04:08

You might want to go out of town to try it. Whether you go on vacation, or…

 

Mr. Jones 1:04:11

You can’t complain, you can’t complain about not being able to get in if you don’t open the door. I mean, at some point in time, you’ve got to overcome that and take a risk.

 

Mrs. Jones 1:04:22

You know… going back to to Nashville for a minute, you know, when you and I first started these regional meet and greets, which was exactly a year ago, because our first one was in Boston, Providence, Rhode Island area, and that was our anniversary last year.

 

Mr. Jones 1:04:40 Oh, right.

 

Mrs. Jones 1:04:41

 

So it was exactly a year ago. We thought – you and I originally thought, okay, well our business model is that we’re going to travel around the country and we’ll kind of meet our listeners where they live. And then we realized when we went to San Diego last February that like 75, like 75% of the people flew in, and we’re like, oh, okay, maybe people want to get out of their own backyard to do this kind of stuff. So if taking a risk is something that is weighing heavy on you, get out of your own backyard and go to a resort or go to Podcast a Palooza next May or come to one of our events, or there are tons of events all over the place. You just have to go on lifestyle websites and look around and see what’s available.

 

Mr. Jones 1:05:30

Right. So the other thing that we need to do is, is trust yourself, like, and trust your relationship. If you don’t have that trust in yourself and your relationship, then why are you doing this?

There’s – it’s a different, it’s a different thing.

 

Mrs. Jones 1:05:46

I think by trusting your relationship, the way you and I looked at it at first is like, okay, we’re good.

 

Mr. Jones 1:05:52 We’re solid.

 

Mrs. Jones 1:05:53

So, if we try this and it’s an absolute train wreck, we’re okay.

 

Mr. Jones  1:05:58 We’ll dust ourselves off.

 

Mrs. Jones 1:05:59

Like. we won’t, like circle the wagons and shoot in words. You know, we’ll be like, okay, well, didn’t see that coming. Won’t do that again. You know, but but at least we knew we could survive it together,

 

Mr. Jones 1:06:13

Right. And then you know lastly overcoming the barrier is remoulding yourself or reconstructing yourself. So it’s one thing to do self reflection and then a tear down or deconstruct who you are. But to have the courage to build a new you, you know, based on where you are in life, where you are in your relationship, what other people have taught you what you’ve stripped away, what you know, to be true, to kind of remould yourself and reinvent yourself. I mean, that’s the great thing about a marriage or a partnership is we can make this whatever we want to, we don’t have to make it into something somebody else says that we have to do.

 

Mrs. Jones 1:06:46

 

Well, unless you’re a unicorn or a single guy out there, I mean, you got a wing man. You’re not doing this alone. You know, you know if for if you’re a couple that’s exploring the lifestyle, this is a team sport, you’re in it together. But you know, one thing I’ve learned about myself is I have a backbone.

 

Mr. Jones 1:07:06 You do.

 

Mrs. Jones 1:07:09

I’m definitely a people pleaser, and I talk about that a lot, especially in the bedroom. But I’ve, I’ve learned I have a backbone. And I’m really trying to…

 

Mr. Jones 1:07:19

What do you mean by that?

 

Mrs. Jones 1:07:20

I’m really trying to embrace the whole, I’d give a fuck if I had one. Not quite there yet. But that’s my goal.

 

Mr. Jones 1:07:28 That’s true.

 

Mrs. Jones 1:07:29

You know, with a lot of people, I think I’m there. I like to tell myself that.

 

Mr. Jones 1:07:36

Yeah, no, you do. Definitely. So how do you proceed then if you’re going to overcome these things, how do you proceed? So, you know, create your own path and set your own pace. I mean…

 

Mrs. Jones 1:07:47 Absolutely.

 

Mr. Jones 1:07:48

…there is no benchmark for this. And if you think you need to copy somebody else. That’s a mistake.

 

Mrs. Jones 1:07:54

Right. You know, I think everybody thinks that there’s a formula, and it’s like step one, step two, step three, step four, oh, I’m a swinger.

 

Mr. Jones 1:08:05 Right.

 

 

Mrs. Jones 1:08:06

And it doesn’t work that way. It’s between you and your partner and yourself.

 

Mr. Jones 1:08:12

And whatever the two of you decide your path and your pace is, is correct.

 

Mrs. Jones 1:08:17 Yes.

 

Mr. Jones 1:08:17

Nobody can tell you that it’s wrong because it’s yours.

 

Mrs. Jones 1:08:20

A year from now you will be doing this.

 

Mr. Jones 1:08:23

I mean, you might change – you might change your pathway and your pace, but you’re doing it together. Here’s a tough one. You need to invest in this. And I don’t mean just resources, I mean your mind. Kind of you need to commit to it as a couple. And you can’t… Just like any other investment that you make in life, you want a return on that. So whether – the more you invest in a good investment, the more your return is going to be.

 

Mrs. Jones 1:08:55

And to me, and this is where the whole social sexy comes in – the return is not having sex with other people. The return is the connection, the depth of the connection that you end up having with your partner, because that connection is amazing when you can talk to your partner about the possibility of having sex with other people. Or what really turns you on or what your real fantasy is, like that whole fuckit bucket list thing. Like, if you can honestly lay that out bare with your partner, and not worry about how he or she is going to respond to that. That is – I mean, that’s the goal. That’s – if you can invest in that, that’s your return.

 

Mr. Jones 1:09:51

So let me irritate some people.

 

Mrs. Jones 1:09:54 Okay.

 

Mr. Jones 1:09:55

When we’re talking about – let’s just talk about money.

 

Mrs. Jones 1:09:59 Swinging’s expensive.

 

 

Mr. Jones 1:10:01

That’s not what I’m talking about.

 

Mrs. Jones 1:10:02

That’s what I’m talking about.

 

Mr. Jones 1:10:04

So is your kid’s soccer camp.

 

Mrs. Jones 1:10:06 No kidding.

 

Mr. Jones 1:10:07

So is your daughter’s travel team. So is the dance – so are the dance costumes. So are the dance lessons. So is the college education, we think it’s…

 

Mrs. Jones 1:10:18 Weddings…

 

Mr. Jones 1:10:18

We think it’s perfectly prideful and good to invest all of this money into our children. Yet, we’re concerned about spending three or four thouand dollars on each other to go to a resort or go to an event, or to take a vacation as a couple. And if you think about how much money you sink into your children and to other things in your life that are material or that are not a part of your relationship, but are your obligations as parents or your obligations to your mortgage and everything else. Invest in your relationship. That’s the most important thing that you have. So if you look at the money that you spend on your relationship, and you compare it to whether all of your other outlays are going, guess what’s cheated out of everything?

 

Mrs. Jones 1:11:10 Right.

 

Mr. Jones 1:11:11

So if you want to do this, you have to invest in your relationship. And that’s what this is.

 

Mrs. Jones 1:11:16

You do. And the thing and and we can honestly say this, because our girls are adults now and they’re both, you know, in, in relationships. And one thing that you don’t foresee when your kids are still young, and in school, is that someday, the investment that you’re making in your relationship is going to pay off into your children’s lives because they’re going to look back and say, wow, I want the kind of relationship with my future partner that my parents have with each other.

 

 

Mr. Jones 1:11:52 Yeah, well said.

 

Mrs. Jones 1:11:55

That is a huge gift you can give your children.

 

Mr. Jones 1:11:59

So rather than feel guilty about leaving your kids with your parents or your in-laws to go on vacation, you should feel good that you’re modeling for your children the type of relationship that they will grow up and want to have themselves.

 

Mrs. Jones 1:12:13

And again, I mean, we’re not being explicit here and saying, yeah, you’re going to go off and have sex with other people, and that’s teaching children, you know, this is what a good relationship is. The focus is that you and your partner are going away. And you’re prioritizing your relationship and you’re making sure that your relationship stays healthy. Your kids are watching, and they they know that you’re prioritizing yourselves and and they’re not going to be jealous of that. They’re not going to resent that. They’re going to be watching it and filing that away and thinking someday, I’m going to go away with you know, my husband or my wife on a vacation like that.

 

Mr. Jones 1:12:58

They’re gonna make their relationship or priority.

 

Mrs. Jones 1:13:00 Yes.

 

Mr. Jones 1:13:02

And you need to be picky. A lot of people are concerned that they’re too picky. But you need to be picky.

 

Mrs. Jones 1:13:09 Yes.

 

Mr. Jones 1:13:10

You need to make sure that you’re choosing people to be friends with and to be with that are worthy of your attention – in your own opinion. That they’re in your orbit. And you don’t want to change your standards for that.

 

Mrs. Jones 1:13:25

No. And, and ultimately, the feeling is going to be mutual. I mean, you you have that connection with people, you know, they’re going to feel the same attraction to you that you feel to them.

 

Your time is valuable. You know, you do have families, you do have careers and homes to take care of, and, and there’s only you know, time is finite. So, choose wisely.

 

Mr. Jones 1:13:50

Right, so success is closer than you think. We don’t, you know, this may sound like it’s a bridge too far or that it’s going to take a long time and and I remember when we started this, we struggled for the first couple of years. But success is closer than you think. Because what we’ve observed, it can happen quickly. If you connect with the right people at the right time.

 

Mrs. Jones 1:14:13

This might be crass. But the the phrase that keeps coming up is that when you go to the right event that fits you, that it’s a target-rich environment.

 

Mr. Jones 1:14:22 Yes.

 

Mrs. Jones 1:14:23

And I think that’s hilarious.

 

Mr. Jones 1:14:24

So many people have mentioned that.

 

Mrs. Jones 1:14:25

But honestly, holy shit, like Nashville was a target-rich environment.

 

Mr. Jones 1:14:29

Yeah. And, and you’ll know it, when you see it. It’s one of those things if you build it, they will come. It’s hard to describe. You can describe this to people but until you’re in the situation and you experience yourself what it is, then you don’t really know, but when you’re in the situation, and you know it, you’ll see it and that connection can happen quickly. But as a part of that, these false starts and these you know, the kind of the pitfalls that we have to go through to get there are just a reality. Because we are picky, and it might take a while to get there. But ultimately these resources can be, excuse me, these relationships can be transformative as you were mentioned about Nashville. You know, the first time that we had a meet and greet was when our, like our very second Naughty in New Orleans that we went to. Remember, and we, we said, hey, we’re going to do this event and we just threw it out there and about 75 people came.

 

Mrs. Jones 1:15:29

First of all, we were blown away that 75 people came. Mr. Jones 1:15:32

 

But afterwards we had person after – couple after couple came to us and said damn, you guys had some really sexy people show up at your event. And at first we thought it was just a coincidence.

 

Mrs. Jones 1:15:45

Well, that was the first time we ever hosted something in mass…

 

Mr. Jones 1:15:50 On our own.

 

Mrs. Jones 1:15:50

…and saw all of our listeners together in the same room. And we were like, damn, we have really sexy listeners.

 

Mr. Jones 1:15:58 Exactly.

 

Mrs. Jones 1:15:59

But we thought it was a fluke.

 

Mr. Jones 1:16:00

Right, but then it kept happening. [Laughs] And so whether it was Desire, or whether it was Naughty in New Orleans, or whether it was our meet and greets, the whole term people kept using was, oh my gosh, this is such a target-rich environment or there’s so many people here that we’ve connected with. There are so many people here that’re like us.

 

Mrs. Jones 1:16:21

But then even like, the general manager of Desire came up to us and they were like, you guys have the most friendly, warm, you know, generous group. I mean, even – so even they were commenting on how wonderful our listeners are.

 

Mr. Jones 1:16:39

Right? Which brings us all the way back around to social sexy. So our events are at, I would say, four star hotels. We don’t have to get a Days Inn, because we’re not going to have play rooms.

 

Mrs. Jones 1:16:53 No.

 

Mr. Jones 1:16:55

We don’t have to have an area where people can wear lingerie because social sexy means you wear nice, sexy clothes. But it’s your person. It’s your relationship that sexy. It’s, you know, you

 

can walk around in public and be social and social sexy. Now what you two are four or six or more decide to do in the privacy of your own hotel room is up to you.

 

Mrs. Jones 1:17:20

And I think there was quite a bit of that in Nashville.

 

Mr. Jones 1:17:22

But uh, but see, that’s the difference.

 

Mrs. Jones 1:17:25 We’ve heard little rumors.

 

Mr. Jones 1:17:26

But but that’s why we don’t have play rooms. We don’t need play rooms. We want people to connect. We want people to be this social sexy couple.

 

Mrs. Jones 1:17:35

Well, that’s not the – that’s not the vision of our weekends.

 

Mr. Jones 1:17:37 No.

 

Mrs. Jones 1:17:38

And, and I’m not discounting that. I mean, that’s what Naughty in New Orleans are for or hotel takeovers are for. I mean, there’s very specific events that cater to that and those are awesome. But that’s really not what we’re trying to model.

 

Mr. Jones 1:17:57

Right. So I think what we’re saying is that it’s getting better. Open relationships and maybe social, sexual, social sexy relationships are becoming more mainstream. And we’re trying to provide an environment, we’re trying to provide information. We’re trying to provide experiences, if you want to invest in this, if you think that this is something that resonates with you, do something about it.

 

Mrs. Jones 1:18:30 Right. Explore it.

 

Mr. Jones 1:18:32

There are ways to engage in this lifestyle and find people who are like you, but we are on the leading edge of this. And sometimes it takes a little bit of work, and you have to get over the fact that there is a risk involved. But if you believe this is something that’s going to benefit you in your relationship, the risk – the reward is worth the risk.

 

Mrs. Jones 1:18:55 Absolutely.

 

Mr. Jones 1:18:56

And so that’s what we’re trying to say is that, you know, if you listen to us and our message resonates with you, there are so many more people like you out there. Just take a risk and get out and find them. And we’d be happy to facilitate that for you.

 

Mrs. Jones 1:19:16

Before you said that, what I was going to say is, you know, get out there and find them. That doesn’t mean you have to have sex with them.

 

Mr. Jones 1:19:23 No.

 

Mrs. Jones 1:19:23

Um, if you do, yay, good for you. But that isn’t – that really does not have to be the end goal, at least not at first. It might evolve into that. But if you’re meeting people in a social sexy environment, you’re just meeting people that are open minded that you can – that you don’t have to weigh every word that you say before it comes out of your mouth. You can just kind of be your authentic self, and you’re going to be accepted.

 

Mr. Jones 1:19:54

Yeah. And it’s so refreshing to just be human and understand what that means.

 

Mrs. Jones 1:20:00 Yes.

 

Mr. Jones 1:20:00

So thank you for joining us in this conversation. I thought it was a lot of fun. Very meaningful. And when we come back, I’m gonna sneak in an extra snapshot this week.

 

Mrs. Jones 1:20:13

I think you and I could, like, oh my goodness.

 

Mr. Jones 1:20:15

After Nashville, there’s snapshots galore. All right. We’ll be right back with snapshots. [Music]

 

Mrs. Jones 1:20:38 Welcome back to snapshots.

 

Mr. Jones 1:20:41

Yes, are you gonna go first?

 

 

Mrs. Jones 1:20:45 I can go first.

 

Mr. Jones 1:20:46 Okay.

 

Mrs. Jones 1:20:48

So Nashville. Menages. So there was this VIP area. We had all of our drinks on this like oval coffee table, might have been – what, you know what? I don’t think I really got drunk that night. Because I remember the whole night. I think I just found that perfect, exact, like relaxed fun space.

 

Mr. Jones 1:21:20

It looked like it to me.

 

Mrs. Jones 1:21:22 What that I was drunk?

 

Mr. Jones 1:21:23

No, that you found that space.

 

Mrs. Jones 1:21:24

I know. I just had so much fun that night. But the thing I remember about that VIP area is that there were like 1, 2, 3, 4, like five really sexy dudes hanging out there.

 

Mr. Jones 1:21:39 Was I one of them?

 

Mrs. Jones 1:21:40

Yeah, you were. Our photographer may have been one of them.

 

Mr. Jones 1:21:46 Double Date Dave.

 

Mrs. Jones 1:21:47

Double Date Dave from Double Date Nation may have been one of them. And then a couple of our other listeners that were there as well. Yes. So I don’t know. It was just so much fun like watching you dudes hang out while your wives were on the dance floor. And they had two, like cages, right? They were like go go like dance cages on either side on each side of the dance floor. And I’m not an exhibitionist, especially dancing. Like I was on the dance team in high school, but like, I don’t really like get into like dancing in front of people now. And one of my

 

friends may have gotten in the cage and somehow lured me with her index finger. Little come hither thing. She – somehow I ended up in the cage with her. And wow…

 

Mr. Jones 1:21:51

Okay, no, no. There are people who are paying good money for this podcast.

 

Mrs. Jones 1:22:53 This podcast is free.

 

Mr. Jones 1:22:56

Who want to say more than wow wow wow.

 

Mrs. Jones 1:22:58 Oh my God. Like…

 

Mr. Jones 1:22:59 Like what happened?

 

Mrs. Jones 1:23:00

Well, she and I were dancing.

 

Mr. Jones 1:23:01

Okay, she was doing the – she was doing the come hither. So what did you do?

 

Mrs. Jones 1:23:05

Of course I obeyed and I got up in the cage with her. She and I were dancing.

 

Mr. Jones 1:23:08

Okay, so you got -and you’re dancing. Okay, how were you dancing together?

 

Mrs. Jones 1:23:12 Not politely.

 

Mr. Jones 1:23:14

Okay. How were you dancing?

 

Mrs. Jones 1:23:15 Well, I don’t know…

 

Mr. Jones 1:23:17

Were you touching each other? Mrs. Jones 1:23:18

 

Well, we were like – right together, kind of like…

 

Mr. Jones 1:23:21 Face to face?

 

Mrs. Jones 1:23:22

Face to face. Dancing. And then all of a sudden…

 

Mr. Jones 1:23:26 Hands on each other?

 

Mrs. Jones 1:23:29

Maybe not at first. But then she kissed me.

 

Mr. Jones 1:23:35

I think you kissed each other.

 

Mrs. Jones 1:23:38 She started it. [Laughs]

 

Mr. Jones 1:23:41 You didn’t resist.

 

Mrs. Jones 1:23:43 Oh, no, no,

 

Mr. Jones 1:23:44

No, you were an accomplice.

 

Mrs. Jones 1:23:46

Yeah. That kiss was a long time coming. Let’s just say that.

 

Mr. Jones 1:23:50 Okay, so go on.

 

Mrs. Jones 1:23:52

And so we did that. And then I was like, holy hell, what was that about? So then, you know, she and I just kind of like laughed it off and, and we kept dancing and then we ended up with like two or three other ladies up in the cage with us. And that’s how kind of the that’s how it went for the next few minutes. There were – we just kept bringing other ladies up in the cage and I just remember dancing with the sexiest, coolest ladies ever. In this little tiny like cage that was like four steps up over the dance floor.

 

Mr. Jones 1:24:27

To go back to the making out part…

 

Mrs. Jones 1:24:29 Yeah.

 

Mr. Jones 1:24:30 So so describe that.

 

Mrs. Jones 1:24:32

Oh, there might have been a little tongue involved. Yeah, it was just – it was super sexy.

 

Mr. Jones 1:24:38

What were your hands doing?

 

Mrs. Jones 1:24:39

They might have been on her boobs, because I think she had like a little bit of nothing shirt on, and she had pasties. And I remember playing with her pasties a little bit.

 

Mr. Jones 1:24:50

Yeah, you didn’t rip ’em off?

 

Mrs. Jones 1:24:52

Oh, hell no. That hurts. Yeah, you don’t rip somebody pasties off.

 

Mr. Jones 1:24:57

Well, I think at that point in time if the hormones would have been raging enough she might not have felt it as much.

 

Mrs. Jones 1:25:02

I don’t know – that’s a swinger party foul. Can’t rip pasties off.

 

Mr. Jones 1:25:05

You think she had hairy nipples or something?

 

Mrs. Jones 1:25:07

No, the adhesive is, like, serious, like pasties are serious.

 

Mr. Jones 1:25:12

You could have licked them off with your – and you could have pulled them off with your teeth.

 

Mrs. Jones 1:25:17

Well, now you tell me. I’ll do that in Austin.

 

 

Mr. Jones 1:25:21

Well, yes. So the five or six of us guys that were sitting up in the VIP section had our eyeballs on that.

 

Mrs. Jones 1:25:28 Yeah, I bet you did.

 

Mr. Jones 1:25:30

We were watching what was going on.

 

Mrs. Jones 1:25:31

Oh my gosh, that was so much fun. So much fun. So so my girlfriend is not shy. So she was clearly up there first, and then she gets me up there and then it was so much fun to entice some very beautiful, some of them shy, ladies up into that cage that didn’t really want to come up in there. And then once they got up in there, and they started dancing and they started realizing that they were like really beautiful, sexy ladies, I think everybody ended up having a good time. Oh my gosh, it was just, it was so much fun and it was just kind of like, um, because it was all girls, I don’t know, it just felt very empowering. Like we were in this like, lifestyle club. And we were all dressed super sexy. And, I don’t know, it was just we were hanging out together and there were like, no dudes lurking around. Like, you know what I loved about that club. There was a rule there. They allow single guys, although the single guys are vetted, and I think they have a limit. But they – the single guys, they have a really nice bar, there’s a really like long bar. It’s over kind of off to the side on the other side of the big room away from the dance floor. And the single guys have to be within touching distance of the bar at all times.

 

Mr. Jones 1:26:55

Right and they have to be invited away from the bar.

 

Mrs. Jones 1:26:58

So So yeah. So like we weren’t worried about single guys, all you husbands were on the couch mesmerized.

 

Mr. Jones 1:27:05 Yes.

 

Mrs. Jones 1:27:05

And I don’t know, I just, it was just like this girl power sexy…

 

Mr. Jones 1:27:13 Women in the lifestyle.

 

Mrs. Jones 1:27:15

 

Ruling the world, baby. We were ruling the world in that dance cage.

 

Mr. Jones 1:27:19 It was awesome.

 

Mrs. Jones 1:27:20

And and I was just – I am so proud of some of my sisters, just up there completely out of their comfort zones, trusting me to drag their sorry asses up there. And then once they got up there they realized that they were awesome.

 

Mr. Jones 1:27:36 That’s pretty sexy.

 

Mrs. Jones 1:27:37

I love you all. Oh my gosh, it was so much fun. Thank you.

 

Mr. Jones 1:27:41

Austin. So my – I have – I’m gonna cheat and I’m going to have two snapshots, but one is embarrassing and one is is very meaningful. Yours was sexy. My first one is embarrassing. So recently we invited a couple back to our hotel room. And it may have been…

 

Mrs. Jones 1:28:02

I know where this is going.

 

Mr. Jones 1:28:03

It may have been like at two or three o’clock in the morning. Three o’clock in the morning, and we ended up having a fantastic play session. And by the time we finished…

 

Mrs. Jones 1:28:17

Which is a miracle at three o’clock. Seriously, come on. I don’t do my best work at three. Yeah, we are.

Mr. Jones 1:28:22

No, we Well, we’re gonna make up for that.

 

But by the time we finished playing, I think it was 4:30. And you you were spooning with him on one side of the bed. And she and I were face to face holding each other on my side of the bed. And at some point in time when we were finished, I realized that I had maybe dozed off and I may…

 

Mrs. Jones 1:28:49

No maybe about it darling.

 

 

Mr. Jones 1:28:51

And I may have snored – I may have started snoring.

 

Mrs. Jones 1:28:55

Well, her husband was too.

 

Mr. Jones 1:28:56

And …all of a sudden I woke myself up and she was still awake looking at me and I thought, oh my gosh, this is so embarrassing. I just, I just snored. But honey, let me tell you, I like to save my snoring for you.

 

Mrs. Jones 1:29:13 Oh, great.

 

Mr. Jones 1:29:16

So, you know, to snore in front of another woman – I think I crossed a little bit of a line.

 

Mrs. Jones 1:29:20 That was a line, yeah.

 

Mr. Jones 1:29:21

That’s like going to the bathroom with the door open. I mean, you just don’t do that with people that you’re not married to.

 

Mrs. Jones 1:29:27

I know, we don’t even do that.

 

Mr. Jones 1:29:29 Well, you don’t.

 

Mrs. Jones 1:29:29

Like when we go to Desire and you try to use a urinal in front of me when we’re in the spa and trying to change, like that’s a no-go.

 

Mr. Jones 1:29:34

Anyway, it was a little embarrassing that I actually…

 

Mrs. Jones 1:29:37

But her husband was falling asleep behind me. And then I was laying there shivering, because the air conditioning in our room was set to like 68, and you didn’t even admit that to me till the next day.

 

Mr. Jones 1:29:38

Well, that’s because I knew we were going to heat up the room.

 

Mrs. Jones 1:29:51

So I think it at 4:30, I said, either we all get under the covers or we need to like…

 

Mr. Jones 1:30:01

I think we finally got up out of bed. But that was – the damage had been done at that point in time. I had snored. I was embarrassed because I was snoring in front of a woman I just had sex with. And I’m trying to be – I’m trying to impress, and here I am, zzzzzzzz.

 

Mrs. Jones 1:30:16

Yup, that’s pretty much exactly how it was.

 

Mr. Jones 1:30:20

Anyway, that’s the embarrassing one. So, here’s the meaningful one. I’m going to make up for it.

 

Mrs. Jones 1:30:25 Oh, okay.

 

Mr. Jones 1:30:26

We were all at Menages, and all of a sudden, the DJ started playing Me and Mrs. Jones.

 

Mrs. Jones 1:30:33 Oh my gosh.

 

Mr. Jones 1:30:33

So for those of you who have not listened to us from the very beginning, the first year and a half of our podcast our…

 

Mrs. Jones 1:30:40

This is making me tear up now.

 

Mr. Jones 1:30:41

The Billy Paul song Me and Mrs. Jones is what we used as our theme song until we could – we realized we had to license it and we couldn’t afford a license agreement for it. But We Gotta Thing actually comes from that song Me and Mrs. Jones, we got a thing going on. And so that was the music – that was our opening theme song for the first year and a half that we had our podcast, and we eventually had to replace it. So they started playing this, Me and Mrs. Jones, and you and I said, oh my gosh, we gotta go dance to this.

 

Mrs. Jones 1:31:12

It was like a wedding song.

 

 

Mr. Jones 1:31:15

So we go out on the dance floor, and we’re standing there and we’re looking at each other. And we’re thinking, and we’re looking around us and we’re seeing 100 people. And we’re thinking back, like five years ago, we started this podcast and thinking we never had any idea that that episode number one, and this whole We Gotta Thing and a whole Me and Mrs. Jones would anywhere come close to being what it is today, and looking around – so when the music is playing, you and I are dancing, and we’re watching all of our friends connect with each other and dance. It was a very emotional and a very meaningful -probably the most intimate part of the weekend for us was dancing to that song.

 

Mrs. Jones 1:32:06 No doubt.

 

Mr. Jones 1:32:07 Yeah.

 

Mrs. Jones 1:32:08 Yeah.

 

Mr. Jones 1:32:10

So that was – that was my – that’s why I cheated and did two, because I knew that you would let me get away with that.

 

Mrs. Jones 1:32:15 Yeah, that was amazing.

 

Mr. Jones 1:32:17

Yeah. So, let’s talk about closing up Episode 68.

 

Mrs. Jones 1:32:26 All right.

 

Mr. Jones 1:32:27

So we’ve talked about Austin. We’re going to open that up to our members-only community first, and I think we’ll probably pretty much get 80 or 90% sold out from inside of our community. So if you’re interested in Austin, you might want to check out our We Gotta Thing membership. Go to our website, wegottathing.com and get more information. You can join us on Kasidie. We have a Kasidie community there. If you’re interested in joining Kasidie, you can go to our website. At the top of our website it says dating sites that we recommend, and you’re going to see Double Date Nation and Kasidie, and if you sign up for either one of those, you’re going to get three months for free.

 

Mrs. Jones 1:33:08

That’s right. And then don’t forget about Podcast a Palooza, because it seriously is going to sell out. I would say, you know, in early 2019 because our experience is that around the holidays is when people really start booking out their 2020 vacations.

 

Mr. Jones 1:33:26

And don’t forget you can book your Desire trips through us, and we have two of the Desire mansion weeks. One, it looks like Valentine’s Day somebody is about to book, but we still have the week between Christmas and New Year’s 2020 available.

 

Mrs. Jones 1:33:42

I think we still can fit somebody in for Valentine’s Day, and I looked on the website today and like all of the room categories are gone for Valentine’s Day at both resorts.

 

Mr. Jones 1:33:52

Yeah. So if you want to book Desire Pearl at Valentine’s Day, go to our website and take a look at that. Please, we can give you a discount through the passion suites and the villas and the mansions at Desire Pearl.

 

Mrs. Jones 1:34:08

Right, right, and we have that New Year’s week for 2020 available too. I can’t imagine like New Year’s…

 

Mr. Jones 1:34:16 That’s going to go quick.

 

Mrs. Jones 1:34:17

We might have to take that one, I don’t know.

 

Mr. Jones 1:34:19

So feel free to contact us. I’m at [email protected]

 

Mrs. Jones 1:34:24

And I’m at [email protected]

 

Mr. Jones 1:34:26

Or you can go to our website wegottathing.com, and you can go to Contact Us and contact us through our website. Or you can follow us on Twitter…

 

Mrs. Jones 1:34:39

@wegottathing, and we’re also on Instagram and Pinterest @wegottathing. Mr. Jones 1:34:44

 

Right. So we’ll see you next month – one more podcast before Desire.

 

Mrs. Jones 1:34:50

Oh yeah, I think we’re gonna have to like sneak that one in right before we go out of town.

 

Mr. Jones 1:34:53

Yeah. So thanks for listening. We are Mr. and Mrs. Jones and we got a thing.

 

Mrs. Jones 1:34:57 What’s your thing? [Music][/vc_column_text][/vc_tta_section][/vc_tta_accordion][/vc_column][/vc_row]