A blog post by Mr Jones
After several years of being in the lifestyle and hosting a lifestyle podcast one of the biggest inconsistencies we’ve personally observed and also heard about from our listeners is the wide range of experiences and opinions regarding swinger clubs. Let’s face it, the swinging lifestyle is far from mainstream so challenges exist when it comes to matching wide-ranging expectations and experience levels with the reality of owning and operating a swingers club as a legitimate business.
Club owners face several challenges when attempting to conduct a legal for-profit business. First, state and local laws can be inconsistent and are often designed to prohibit the hosting or promoting of sexual activity. Second, local media outlets sometimes sensationalize club activities, publicly shaming the owners and patrons. As a result club owners must walk a tightrope of marketing “just under the radar,” providing just enough exposure in order to be found by their potential customers without drawing unwanted scrutiny. It seems nobody wants to have a swingers club next to their place of business or neighborhood (or wants to admit publicly that they do!).
The bad news is that we can’t directly control or influence where clubs are located or the way clubs are operated. The good news is that we can control how we prepare for a club experience and orient ourselves and our attitudes in order to have the best experience possible. Here are five key areas to discuss as a couple in order to make the best out of your first (or next) club visit.
Talk
What else would you expect from the Joneses? Talking to each other about why you want to go to a swingers club is a critical first step. Is this your first time? Why do you want to go to a club? Do you each agree this is something you want to do? What are your fears when you think about visiting a club? What is your perception of swingers clubs and the things that happen behind those doors? Airing out your thoughts around these questions and others will help you get on the same page before moving forward. It’s perfectly fine if one of you is slightly ahead of the other with this idea as long as you acknowledge this ahead of your visit!
Research
Where do you find good information about clubs? Trip Advisor won’t be much help with this one. Search engines may get you to a club website but due to the nature of the business some clubs are a bit secretive about sharing details with just any internet searcher. Reddit? Well maybe but you’ve got to weed through all the angry, the self-righteous, the creepy and the know-it-alls to glean any valuable information. Podcasts are a good option as many of us have visited clubs and shared our experiences for all to hear. Lifestyle website forums are another good option since many couples with profiles also visit clubs on a regular basis. It’s also a good idea to call the club owner or manager and chat with them over the phone or schedule a tour. Most are happy to help since you’re potentially a new paying member!
Plan
What will you do when you get there? What will you wear? Is there a theme planned for that night? Does it happen to be single guy or group orgy night? If this is your first visit to a club and you aren’t going with other friends then plan accordingly and set realistic expectations. Are you going to stick together and just observe? Is your goal to socialize and meet other couples? Will you limit your drinking to stay level headed and within your boundaries? Will you venture to the play areas to just watch? Maybe have sex with each other? Or are you a jump-right-into-the-deep-end couple and plan to find a couple to play with? Whatever your plan is it’s always best to stay on the same page by checking in often throughout the evening. There’s nothing wrong with leaving early if you’re not enjoying yourselves and be sure to have an agreed upon Plan B to salvage the night!
Enjoy
So you’ve now done your talking, researching and planning so it’s time to shut down your brain and have fun! This is THE most important key to visiting a swingers club because only YOU have complete control over this one. No matter what the club looks like (or smells like) on the inside, no matter who you meet (if anyone), no matter what you do (if anything) or no matter what you see that you cannot “unsee” do your best to step outside of your comfort zone while remaining focused on each other. If something doesn’t go quite right or if you have an awkward encounter try to laugh it off or chalk it up as Another F*cking Opportunity to Learn (AFOL)!
Debrief
This is the easy one because you WILL have stuff to talk about. Whether it’s during the ride home or back to the hotel or the next morning at breakfast, or maybe even over the next several days be sure to talk about everything you experienced that evening. What did you enjoy? What made you most uncomfortable? What was the most fun? What about the couples you met? The funny things you saw? And most importantly, what did you observe in your partner that surprised you, turned you on or even upset you? This is the time to air it all out in a healthy and respectful way. Remember, you are a team and you should attack the issues and not each other. After all, you both decided to do this and went in with your eyes wide open, right?
So that’s it! Oh, and be sure to send us a message after you’re next club visit. We want to hear all the juicy details!