Friends on the Fringe Part 2: How to Terrify Your Partner

By Elle

You ever send a text and then immediately wish you could un-send it? You sit there more-or-less holding your breath, staring near-maniacally at your screen, waiting for the animated dot-dot-dot to tell you someone on the other end is mid-reply? No? Yeah…yeah, totally. Me neither. “I hear you and Mr. Jones have gotta thing” was likely just about the last note Mrs. Jones expected to pop up on her screen when she saw that Elle was texting. I realized that I had—characteristically—been just about as subtle as a jackhammer. So I nervously awaited Mrs. Jones’ reply, metaphorically kicking myself for being so brash. (I mean, I was still mid-pedicure. I couldn’t literally kick). You, WGT readers, will be completely unsurprised to hear that she received my note with both good humor and uncommon grace. After I had broken the ice…who am I kidding? After I had crushed the ice fine enough to make daiquiris, we chatted a bit about how and when I’d found out. I managed—I hope—to reassure her that they had our love, respect, and support no matter what. I wanted her to understand that knowing didn’t change how much we valued their friendship (it wasn’t until much later that I would realize it did actually end up changing how we felt; it made us admire them even more). Then Mrs. Jones typed, “Well, I guess we should have you guys over for dinner soon.” I went home that day and told Ess what I’d done and what Mrs. Jones had said, and we talked about how it would be really nice to meet them sometime soon to talk about how this all had gone down for them, and also to see if we could get some advice. We agreed that we liked and trusted them enough to tell them about our non-monogamous curiosity—something we had not shared with anyone beyond ourselves, up to this point. We knew their big secret (well, not-so-secret anymore, but you get what I mean), and we felt totally comfortable with the idea of opening up to these two good people with our secret, in light of that. So, here’s the thing: Everyone’s got a personal dragon or two to slay, right? You’ve now met one of mine—the occasional super-deplorable lack of subtlety. Its good-time twin, unfortunately, is my innate tendency toward impetuousness. It just worked out that the very next day the four of us were able to meet up at a local brewery. Please note: The intent was not to talk about LS stuff at that time. Though Ess and I had agreed we’d like to talk to the Joneses about these things, we did not discuss or agree to do it today in a very public venue. Ah, but such details are sometimes lost on Impetuous Elle. Approximately three seconds after we began hanging out, I started in with questions. If Ess was perturbed, he didn’t let on. The Joneses were fantastic. Two breweries and about three hours later, we had discussed everything from their entrance into the LS, The Outing and what they’d done in response it, to their podcast and website and emerging role as LS ambassadors, to our own interest and curiosity about entering the LS. If you can imagine a cross between a hyper-curious three-year-old and a rabid fangirl, then toss in some fairly-tipsy feeble flirtatiousness, you’ve probably got a pretty good impression of how I came across. Ess, bless his heart, is used to me. He didn’t flinch. [ASIDE: If you’re curious about the Jones’ take on this, you’ll find that Mrs. Jones briefly references the evening in WGT podcast episode 51. Because of me, we rather aptly became part of their “Awkward Lifestyle Encounters” episode. Sigh. If you can’t be famous, be infamous, am I right?] Lest you think that brashness and impulsivity are my only charming vices, I should probably tell you that I am actually the mother of three dragons: The third one is a slight inclination toward obsessive curiosity. After Mr. Jones recommended that we listen to some episodes of their podcast to get a more complete feel for how the lifestyle works, I spent the next weeks checking out at least 30 installments, listening daily during my work commute. I started from the beginning and worked up through The Outing, then skipped around after that, choosing topics that most interested or intrigued me. I was impressed. I was fascinated. I was hooked. I was…scaring Ess to death. I know I’ve copped to being the mother of three dragons in need of slaying, but I’m realizing that there are actually more. A significant one, it turns out, is this: While I am very, very good at self-awareness, I am sometimes very, very slow to gain it. While I binged episode after episode of WGT and came home chattering about it to Ess almost daily, he became more and more quiet in response. To my 30, he had tuned in to 2 or 3. Suddenly, I realized that the man who had originally pitched the idea of swinging to me, who had talked about it with me freely and enthusiastically many times in the past, was now visibly withdrawing from the idea. Could it be that my frenetic quest to get caught up with the Joneses and learn all the things right now was somewhat concerning to a more reasonable and reserved human being? I did a little reflecting on my behavior and realized (belatedly, of course) that I had been hearing what the Joneses were saying in the podcast, but not necessarily listening to what they had been saying: Respectful communication with my partner is not the most important thing, it is the thing. The thing to have before attempting to have any other thing. Without that thing, we’ve got no thing. And communication means listening as well as talking. It means reading nonverbal signals as well as listening. And, most importantly: If either one of us isn’t ready, then we aren’t ready. - - - - - - - Friends, do not be sad. This is not the end of the story. Mr. and Mrs. Jones have asked me to continue to write the saga of our journey and share it with WGT. Ess and I discussed it and he’s given me the thumbs-up to continue writing as we continue exploring, together. There’s already more to tell, but you’ll just have to wait for Part 3.

Friends on the Fringe Part 2: How to Terrify Your Partner

in Guest Blog

By Elle You ever send a text and then immediately wish you could un-send it? You sit there more-or-less holding your breath, staring near-maniacally at your screen, waiting for the animated dot-dot-dot to tell you someone on the other end is mid-reply? No? Yeah…yeah, totally. Me neither. “I hear […]

Pink Lady Cocktail

in gin, Mrs Jones's Cocktails

Since October is Breast Cancer Awareness Month, here is a pink drink! Ladies, enjoy and then make a note to schedule your annual mammogram. Gotta take care of the girls! 3 oz. Gin 1 oz. Heavy Cream or Half and Half 1 oz. Applejack or Brandy 1 Strawberry 1 tsp. […]

Episode 55 | Finding Our Happy Place in the Lifestyle

in podcast

Discussion topic: In this episode we catch you all up to date on what we’ve been going through since we were “outed” as lifestyle podcasters 18 months ago. Through all the turmoil we lost our “happy place” and share how we’ve grown and rediscovered each other. Each person and couple […]

Whiskey Sour

in Mrs Jones's Cocktails, whiskey

Ingredients 2 ounces good Whiskey 2 ounces simple syrup 1 ounce fresh squeezed lemon juice 1 Maraschino cherry Directions Stir the whiskey, simple syrup, and lemon juice together. Pour over ice in a tall glass. Add a Maraschino cherry.

Friends on the Fringe, Part I

in Guest Blog

by Elle Word reached my ears through the proverbial grapevine. “Did you hear?” the Grapevine called me up and asked. Did I hear what? “The real reason Mrs. Jones retired,” said the Grapevine, “is because she and Mr. Jones are (decrease voice to whisper for maximum effect, insert dramatic […]

Episode 54 | Drama in the Lifestyle

in podcast

Discussion topic:Most agree we’d like to avoid any drama in a lifestyle experience. But is this a realistic expectation? Is drama such a bad thing? Do we know what drama really is and is not? How should we handled drama if we encounter it in ourselves or another couple? […]

How Do We “Find” Other Swingers? By Mr Jones

in We Gotta Thought

A simple answer to this question could very well be the “holy grail” for both those already in or curious about the swinging lifestyle. Shouldn’t be too difficult, right? Finding swingers in public? After all, we know “they” are out there somewhere. Come to think of it “they” could be […]

Strawberry Lemon Drop Martini

in Mrs Jones's Cocktails, vodka

A little sweet. A little tart. And a whole lot refreshing. 3 oz. citrus vodka (I like Ketel One or Absolute) 2 or 3 fresh strawberries, finely chopped 1 oz. lemon juice 1 oz. simple syrup Sugar for rim of martini glass Lemon slice for rimming glass and for garnish […]

What’s Love Got to Do with It? by Mrs Jones

in We Gotta Thought

Spoiler alert: Love has everything to do with my marriage and nothing to do with swinging. . . Well, now that I’ve said it, can I get back to my cup of coffee? But wait you say, you are having sex with others. How can that act successfully fit into […]

Chocolate Raspberry Martini

in Mrs Jones's Cocktails, vodka

Looking for a martini that is as sexy & decadent as it is delicious? Try Mrs. Jones’ Chocolate Raspberry Martini! Ingredients 1.5 ounces Chambord raspberry liqueur 1.5 ounces vodka 0.5 ounce half and half Chocolate Syrup Drizzle the inside of a martini glass with chocolate syrup. Combine remaining ingredients in […]